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New: seeking connection with others hurt
01-24-2017, 01:37 PM
Post: #1
New: seeking connection with others hurt
Hi all,
I am new to this forum. I lived in a highly contolled religious residential community for 2 1/2 years. I was then sent out as a missionary to a foreign country for 3 years. Prior to that time none of my friends that had left from there made it in society, they went back to drugs, prostitution and some back to prison. I was so scared that this would happen to me to, even though they blessed me(later when I broke away from the group this fear came back very strong). It was during this time that I felt like I just couldn't be a good disciple, it wasn't that I stopped believing, it was that I couldn't do it. Then over time as I met other people that also called themselves Christians, I realized they didn't believe the way I did, and over time I realized that my leader was really controlling me. When i did decide that I needed to break ties with them and stop going back to them, it was so hard, like someone died and suddenly I didn't know what I believed anymore. And from then till now even though I am more stable and triggered less often, I often wish there could be at least 1 person that really understood, I have never met even 1 person that also came out of a total control religious community and could understand how hard this is coming out of that, especially since I am still seeking spirituality.

So I come here really just seeking people to connect with, someone who understands.

Flower
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01-25-2017, 06:53 AM
Post: #2
RE: New: seeking connection with others hurt
Glad you found us Flower. You are very welcome here. Many of us have had similar difficulties with abusive controlling church/etc leaders.

Keep in touch with us here and when you feel comfortable, let us know how you are doing. Hope you are kind to yourself and not self-condemning. It's difficult to come to understand the Grace of God after going through abusive experiences.

Here is a good place with a lot of good info to help you navigate through the difficulties SA victims go through...

Spiritual Abuse Recovery
https://www.facebook.com/Spiritual-Abuse...=bookmarks

Reg Smile "If we want to set our lives right and find peace, it is not the tolerant attitude of others that will do it for us. It will come about, rather, by our learning how to show compassion to them..... If we do not seek liberation from our obsessions, then becoming more withdrawn and less social may even make us more blind to them, since it can mask them." - John Cassian (He lived between 360 and 430 A.D. He was a monk in Bethlehem and Egypt.)
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02-01-2017, 01:52 AM (This post was last modified: 02-01-2017 02:05 AM by seraph.)
Post: #3
RE: New: seeking connection with others hurt
Hello Flower. I was part of a discipleship program for a year, than became live-in staff for 6 months. I was also apart of another ministry prior to that. I was exploited, abused, given poor accommodations, overworked, and eventually left the ministry in poor health. The ministry I was in was highly controlling and abusive. When I left that ministry, I ended up working in the field of domestic violence. It was then that I realized that I was a victim of spiritual abuse, and that this abuse reflected the nature of domestic violence. Every form of abuse whether spiritual abuse or domestic violence arises as the result of someone attempting to control and dominate another person.

I think the first step to recovery for me was to realize that I was in fact being abused, and that by leaving my abusers, I was not being a week, disobedient, sinful, "bad," or rebellious disciple. It took some time to overcome these thoughts. When I studied the nature of abuse, it helped me realize that I was indeed being abused, that it was not just me, and that my decision to leave was a healthy and rational attempt to protect myself from further harm, and to stop enabling my abusers.

Anyways, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.
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04-07-2017, 11:22 AM
Post: #4
RE: New: seeking connection with others hurt
Hello! I also need to talk... I am in a bad shape and just recently made it out. You can message me if you want Big Grin
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04-08-2017, 04:03 AM
Post: #5
RE: New: seeking connection with others hurt
(04-07-2017 11:22 AM)nikki90 Wrote:  Hello! I also need to talk... I am in a bad shape and just recently made it out. You can message me if you want Big Grin

Hi nikki90,

Welcome. Please tell us a little bit about what you want to talk about.

Reg Smile "If we want to set our lives right and find peace, it is not the tolerant attitude of others that will do it for us. It will come about, rather, by our learning how to show compassion to them..... If we do not seek liberation from our obsessions, then becoming more withdrawn and less social may even make us more blind to them, since it can mask them." - John Cassian (He lived between 360 and 430 A.D. He was a monk in Bethlehem and Egypt.)
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05-10-2017, 04:04 PM
Post: #6
RE: New: seeking connection with others hurt
Hi Flower,

I get you want someone who understands what you have been through. Maybe you want to make sense of the situation. I don't understand being in a total control religious community, but I do understand feeling like you don't have freedom or choices and that others are making them for you. I understand feeling out of control. Feeling like your life is not yours. It's not a good feeling. I always try really hard not to sound spiritual these days.

I hope you are well today.
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05-10-2017, 04:07 PM
Post: #7
RE: New: seeking connection with others hurt
(02-01-2017 01:52 AM)seraph Wrote:  Hello Flower. I was part of a discipleship program for a year, than became live-in staff for 6 months. I was also apart of another ministry prior to that. I was exploited, abused, given poor accommodations, overworked, and eventually left the ministry in poor health. The ministry I was in was highly controlling and abusive. When I left that ministry, I ended up working in the field of domestic violence. It was then that I realized that I was a victim of spiritual abuse, and that this abuse reflected the nature of domestic violence. Every form of abuse whether spiritual abuse or domestic violence arises as the result of someone attempting to control and dominate another person.

I think the first step to recovery for me was to realize that I was in fact being abused, and that by leaving my abusers, I was not being a week, disobedient, sinful, "bad," or rebellious disciple. It took some time to overcome these thoughts. When I studied the nature of abuse, it helped me realize that I was indeed being abused, that it was not just me, and that my decision to leave was a healthy and rational attempt to protect myself from further harm, and to stop enabling my abusers.

Anyways, feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to.

Thank you Seraph, I found your comments validating and helpful to me. Wow, it makes me angry more to be treated this way in the name of God. I told my therapist that I thought the church was like this "safe bubble" but I was so wrong. People need to write more books on this topic. People need to know the dangers of spiritual abuse!

Thanks,
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