Thread Closed 
Civility in the Forum
07-10-2006, 11:14 AM
Post: #1
Civility in the Forum
Thank you for your participation in this forum. Because of your efforts this forum has been profoundly helpful to many. And it has been moderately helpful to many others. I need to emphasize today that the survival of the forum as a healthy place is contingent on participants being able to sustain a basic level of civility about their comments to each other. And that, unfortunately, can be a problem for any of us . . . especially when we are angry or afraid. The ways we know how to protect ourselves when we are angry or afraid are often the strategies we learned in spiritually abusive groups. . . the same strategies which were so hurtful to us in the past. It is painful, but important, to recognize that we can get out of spiritually abusive organizations much more quickly than we can get the dynamics of spiritual abuse out of us. If the recovery process were complete in us then we would not need this forum. Right?

It has been my consistent policy to let this forum work through difficulties as much as possible without my participation. . . the last thing a spiritual abuse forum needs, I think, is an 'authority' who jumps in regularly to 'rule'. But I have intervened in the past, and will continue to do so in the future, when the level of civility decreases to the point where I think the long-term usefulness of the forum is threatened. Civility can, of course, be a difficult thing to evaluate. Some things, however, are obvious. . . like ridicule, insults, and name-calling. They have no place here. I urge all forum participants to take some extra time to be conscious about your response to posts. . . I am not suggesting self-censorship. . . but I am sugggesting a) that being thoughtful about your responses -- responses made before you have an opportunity to process your emotional reaction to a post may not communicate what you really want to communicate and b) that using "I-statements" is just better communication. Talk about your response not about the other person. Take full ownership of how you respond to things. It is your response -- not how the other person made you feel.

I have seen this forum turn around many times in the past when things get heated. I urge you to do that again.

Dale Ryan
www.christianrecovery.com
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Thread Closed 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)