I say Ellen tonight, We talked about how just a little comment even meant in jest can have long lasting affects, I told you in anouther post that I confronted one of the abusers, He didn't even remember the hunt that it happened on let alone the conversation. I replayed it for him word for word. it was just no big deal to him at the time but it made such a big impression on me, I had anouther example that Ellen and I chatted about involving my best friend Bruce. When I went on vacation at the first of last month I told Bruce about the promise that I gave ellen about hard liquer and that I promised Ellen that I would not drink. Bruce made an off hand comment that she had me by my manhood! Ellen related our relationship as a marriage and I see that, I value our relationship so much that I will not allow anything to interfear. Bruce just does not understand! He also made a comment that for 140.00 dollars an hour he could like someone alot also, I took it as nothing important but something in the back of my mind started working and questioning. I have in my history some things that I both regret an feel shame about (something that I have been having nightmares about reciently) and thought if She knew this about me that she in her mind would be repulsed, I told her tonight and she told me given my history it was a normal reaction of the abuse. Felt good that I even in a dysfunctional way am normal, I think being normal is highly over rated!!!! LOL I sure am and will be careful to try to choose my comments more carefully and threw the eyes of christ and to extend the same grace and mercy he has given me.