Can I Ask?

[stingershooter]

When I was 11 years old I asked the Lord into my heart and I really believed He did. From 11 years old until age 22 I sowed alot of wild oats and did alot of sinful things. When I turned 22 I met my wife and we both rededicated our lives to serving the Lord. I poured my whole heart into serving the Lord, the only problem was that I was in a denomination that taught the wrath of God ten times more than His love. And that unless you were in church, carrying a KJV BIble, every single service and revivals, and visitation on Thursday night, the Lord was angry with you. The messages that came out of the pulpit were that we were never doing enough, we were always wrong, God is unhappy and ticked. I firmly believed everything coming out of that pulpit was straight from God. Now I have very little faith in the LOrds love, if fact I don't see His love, I feel like He is constantly angry, never answers prayer, and is 20 zillion miles away. And I'm loosing what little belief I have in Him and I've had salvation doubt for over 10 years. I have to be honest and say that I ask myself alot is he just something we are taught to keep us doing close the right things.
I said all of that to ask, is that what spiritual abuse is? Or do I misunderstand and need to look in another direction. Can anyone recommend any books or websites, I really would like to get my christian life straigten out. I'm so very tired of being depressed, dishearten, and almost dis-believing. I really would appreciate advice on books or websites....Thanks