Tricky

[Anna Marta]

I was reminded today that one of the tricky parts of getting over SA is that it has to do with spiritual warfare on a deeply personal level. What goes on inside our own heads is where the real war takes place. As hard aswe try, it takes a long time to break the thought patterns and beliefs we accepted.

How many of us have noticed that some of the accusations made against us had to do with areas in which we already struggled with something. It is as if they knew "where to stick the knife in and twist." That was one of the biggest hurdles for me to get over because I sensed there was a "kernal of truth" in what was said. Of course being a feeler, who is a tad neurotic to start with, I ground myself into the ground until I understood just how diabolical SA is.

The term psychological rape when applied to SA is IMO an apt one. The same feelings of guilt and second guessing myself and the shame of having been taken advantage of is so much to bear. I found it downright embarressing to admit so much of what happened and how long it took me to finally come to terms and leave... then having the after effects cling like parasites to my mind and thoughts day and night... and the fears that my strong reactions were themselves sin. There have been days when I'd like to collect all these abusers and put them in front of a wall... to be executed as traitors to the name of Christ.

See, aren't you glad I'm not God?

AM