OK, this bothers me. Hubby is able to go to church, even teach classes. I know he struggles, but he seems so much more spiritually together than I am. What really upsets me is that I told him. I broke down in desperation, crying, and told him staying in that group was spiritually killing me, I wanted out. They had such a hold on him that he STILL didn't want to leave. He knew they would upbraid him for "heeding the voice of his wife" and not being enough of a "leader" of the house, etc. I was so upset, but I felt God told me to listen to my husband and stay, and He would protect me there. So in my breakdown, I console my husband and tell him I would stay if that was his choice. He had felt so pressured with no escape that I just couldn't make demands. We did wind up leaving a few months later by his choice. But now here he is, involved in a new church and it makes me mad that I can't handle it.
I'm more mad at them
but I guess I'm unhappy at him, too. Even though he's said he's sorry, which makes me feel guilty. I think I forgive him, but when I see him doing better than I am, it makes me jealous. I wouldn't wish him to be more like me, it's good that he is healing, I just feel I've been left in the dust when he was part of the reason I'm in it in the first place. Not just by keeping me in the group, but by persistently guiding me a certain way all through the years. I don't wish him to be dragged down, I just wish I was doing better, up to his level, if that makes sense.
I know, he was a vicitm, too, and we all heal at our own pace. Just had to get it off my chest.