Hard time going to church.

[Roberta]

I used to love going to church. I could hardly wait for Sunday morning to come around. Sometimes I would get there an hour early just to chat with others. If no one was around, I'd read my Bible.
I lead youth group.
I lead children's church.
I was the captain of the prayer team.
I served on the breavement committee.
I helped with the food pantry/clothes closet.
When the secretary went on vacation, I covered in her absence.
I participated in plays/skits.
If a volunteer was needed, I was there.

It became clear to me that I needed to spend more time being a wife and a mom because I was sacrificing my families needs to serve at the church- doing jobs that others could do. Also, by being "Super Christian" I was not giving others a chance to serve.

I slowly gave these ministries up. The last ones for me to give up were the hardest because they were youth group, children's church and the prayer team. (I'm still a member of the prayer team, I'm just not the captain anymore.) Those I would only give up if the right people stepped forward. They did. We've had some awesome people take over those areas.

It broke my heart to give those up.

Now I can hardly go into the church building without having a panic attack. I get sick to my stomach during the services sometimes. It's not just my church. I've attempted to go to other churches and I have the same problem. I start feeling like I can't breathe. I feel like all eyes are on me. I feel like they are judging me, even though I am pretty sure that most aren't.
Most Sundays I just don't even go. This angers my husband. We get into fights about what a bad Christian example I am.

I want to go to church, but for some reason I just can't.
Has anyone else struggled with this? What did you do?