Toxic people, family included.

[hpsngbrd]

I just need to vent some right now. I am in a really hard place with my family. My mom and sted dad and I have been on the outs since Thanksgiving. I did not see them at Christmas time. I used to go their house every week. My kids were over their house every other weekend to spend the night. The problem here is that there had been these issues between us for a long time but no body was willing to deal with them except me. I had kept so much in for far too long and one day my step dad said something that crossed the line and I drew a line in the sand and spoke up. I will never forget that moment and how I felt. I am sick of toxic people spewing their mess all over me and expecting me to just sit back and take it because I am a Christian. What the heck is that all about it anyway? What just because we are suppose to love others does not mean we have to tolerate verbal abuse especially from family. What gives them the right just because they are family to treat me or anyone that way. I am the only one that ever says anything to my step dad. Everyone else just puts up with his crap. Just to give you an idea. He is a good ole Southern Baptist boy, who put his time in at church when he was younger and now does not need to go to church because he has it all together. He is the primier authority on the bible and no one better correct him or have a differing opinion , yes siree bob, it's the gospel according to _______. This is the same man who makes sexist comments to my mom, is always putting her and everyone else down and goes around saying crude sexual jokes in front of whoever. He drinks all the time, and I don't mean 1-2 glasses of wine but like 5 or 6, till he is acting like a blithering fool and embarassing everyone. I have said for years that he is an alchoholic but he and my mom think that I am crazy for thinking that. He drinks every day at starts at five regardless of who is around, even the grandkids. I am not against drinking at all, but I do think you should drink in moderation and use some control, especially around children. I don't care what he wants to do when my kids are not around but not around my kids. He cusses all the time, again I don't have a problem with someone cussing, but not in front of children. There is a time and place for everything. Also he is Mr. Negativity and Racist as the day is long. Of course if you say anything to him he just says it's your problem for being so sensitive. I can't believe I have not stood up to him before. Okay so now that you know a little about him you can get a bigger picture of what I am dealing with. My mom is in total denial and half the time she just sleeps out of depression because she can't stand him either but won't admit to herself. She tries to tell me that he just jokes around a lot and he is old dog that won't learn new tricks. She says I should just ignore him and not be so overly sensitive. If another person tells me not to be so sensitive I going to deck them. How's that for some sensitivity.

Okay anyway as I said I had a big confrontation with him and my mom and things got really ugly. Basically the straw that broke the camels back, was my dad running my husband down to my face in front of my kids. He was saying that my husband has no sense and suck at taking care of his family. Not his exact words but this is what was conveyed to me. My hubby and I have been going through some really tough times with money. My hubby has been working 3 jobs to take care of us, we have two businesses and he has one part time job to take up the slack. So I pretty much had had enough of his insults. He has always ran everyone down but this time it was about my husband. THat's the last straw. I saw red and have never been the same. I did however stay calm after he said this but I let him know that I would not tolerate his mouth anymore and would not be around him if he could not control his mouth. He said fine he did not care if came back to his house or not and I left his house and took the kids home. It was awful and my kids were crying and I broke down in the car driving away from their house. I did not speak to my mom or him for a week after this, I was too hurt and angry, I had to pray and think about what I was going to say. My husband was furious and as far as he was concerned he was done with my step dad until further changes were made on his part. So after a week I called to talk to my mom. I tried to stay calm and tell her how I felt but she just kept getting louder and denying anything I had to say as if I was blowing everything out of proportion. FYI< She was not in the room when the confrontation between my stepdad and I took place. SHe was in the shower, she had no idea. But she believed his version of the story and basically blamed me for everything. THey also said they thought that I had imagined the problem I was having with everyone because I am mentally unstable. (this was said because I have been diagnosed with a chemical imbalance and have suffered with depression off and on for years, which by the way so does my mom and half the rest of my family, they are just in denial about it. at least I am not afraid to be real and face reality.) So things have been horrible since then. I have only seen my mom on one occasion, for her birthday. I have sent letters appologizing to her and my step dad. Why did I do that? I am soooooooooo freaking co-dependent. I even asked them to forgive me. why did I do that? Am I not allowed to set boundaries in my life and not allow someone to verbally attack me or my husband??? I had enough of that for the last 32 years in SA churches, I am sure not going to put up with it from my family. I have sent emails to my mom to try and stay connected with her. I can't talk to her on the phone because she starts wanting to hash everything out and prove her point to me, basically to manipulate and guilt me into accepting that everything is once again all my fault. I don't confess to not have any responsibility in this but come on, just admit that there is a freaking problem and lets do something about it. Don't tell me to ignore it. Sounds like all the BS I used to hear in church. "Love covers a multitude of sins." So does cover mean we should never deal with the problem. What, do we just keep our passive little submissive mouths shut and don't say anything. Whatever. So anyway, I have sent several emails to my mom over the past months and she sent me one back out of like five. She got all emotional on me and said that this separation was killing her and her not being able to see the kids and all. She said that she has been depressed and does not even want to get out of bed. She so loves to play that victim game with me. Let me stop, I have never not let them see my kids, as a matter of fact I have told them both they are welcome in my home anytime as long they call first, but I will not go to their house until things change and the kids will not be spending the night anytime soon either. If I have to put up with this crap at least it's going to be on my own turf, safe ground. Then if they get out of sorts I can ask them to leave. So my mom saying that not seeing her grandkids is killing her is her own fault not mine. By the way I have not recieved a phone call or anything from my sted dad or my mom. They feel that I am the one that needs to come to them. What?????

I have to continue this on another page. Please bear with me. thanks

hp