we sort of ventured out to church yesterday.....

[jane]

The intent was to watch a live nativity at the local Lutheran church.

We got there a little early and was invited down the stairs....

again, the pastor came and spoke with us.

and the people were so very nice.

We watched the Nativity scene......

and decided to join them after to make ornaments and eat treats.

I bumped into a childhood friend who is now married and has a son. She goes to this church but used to be part of the group of fundamental people I was involved in when she was growing up. I asked if she ever visited a local church......and she looked upset and said, No.....

Another older couple who were leaders in the congregational church that I grew up in were members there,

and a neighbor.

Honestly, the people seem really really nice. They seem to have a "community" amongst themselves....and are pretty loving.

So WHY CAN"T I JUST GO VISIT THEIR CHURCH ON A SUNDAY?

I am passed the belief that because it isn't a fundamental church that they aren't christians....man we heard so many negative comments about every denominational church in town from our pulpit.

I know that after they told the "baby Jesus" story, the man narrating talked about accepting Jesus into your hearts.............and I cringed in pain. Something must've triggered me.

and then they handed the microphone to the pastor who BRIEFLY spoke and then prayed.........

and that triggered me.

WHile making ornaments, a woman started talking to us about what we went through at our last church.

My husband and I told her about "spiritual abuse" and for 99% of it, she really really listened. She made one suggestion about sometimes we as christians need to forgive........

and I freaked out.

But don't you worry, My husband piped up quickly, "Well, therein lies the problem. They've told us they've done nothing wrong on one hand and we have lack of forgiveness against them on the other hand... Kinda tricky figuring out what we should do, forgive something that never happened OR have unforgiveness in our hearts........."

It was only one little statement that she made that triggered me, she was honest to goodness sincerely listening to us.

GUESS I am not ready yet OR'

GUESS I DON"T want to go to church.


My husband and I talked about it afterwards. The problem is WE ARE AFRAID TO TRUST OURSELVES.

Its not them, or their church or anyone else's church, IT IS US>

We don't trust our ability to keep up boundaries, to take care of our own family needs etc....

we are afraid that we will fall into second guessing ourselves again, get over involved in someone else's ministry, give all of our money and time.........


Yes, so there it is, WE are the people that we dont TRUST the most.

how's that for insanity?

jane