"There and Back Again". . .we are home
Well, we are here. . .like walking into a "dust bowl". Trying to clean up as daughter and "the family" will be coming for Christmas.
While on the road, I could not post concerning my latest saga, as I had only hubby's company computer. I think his company scan to see what the employees are up to. As a result, I was not in the position to address the circumstances described in the thread "From Bad To Worse". I hope you remember the thread as so much time has passed. I don't feel much like going back to find it to repost and then relive the mess. If I need to because of a "What the h---- is she talking about!", I will.
Did want to thank you all for your good words, prayers, and timely advice. I was not in a position to study the "sites" or order the books that ex-shep and others were so kind to post. I was never given "the space" to set up my laptop, nor was I not alone often. Will study the sites and order some materials as soon as I have settled in a bit more.
So where are we concerning our relationship and the church? To be honest I cannot tell. Hubby went to church this am, but the pastor was not there. Therefore the "strong arming" was not present.
As for my husband and my relationship during the trip. . .it was a bit awkward at first. We traveled to many of the places we had visited when we were first married; a couple hippies turned "Jesus People". Hubby remembered that, recalled me in hippy braids, ect with affection.
I did the best I could to keep my mouth shut. Grey Hair, remembered your advice and made an attempt to be more gentle. I only referred to the church as a cult once. I was tempted after hearing an old "Second Chapter Of Acts" song about gossip and slander, to suggest he work the song up as a "special" for his church, but I didn't and kept my mouth shut. Wonder of wonder!
About three days into the trip, while we visited Aspen (lovely place) during a rare "alone time", the Lord gently revealed to me the depth of my anger towards hubby and his church. I know we are allowed anger (Jesus would show anger), but it does say to "Be angery, but sin not." I felt like what He was showing me was I had allowed my anger to go so deep that it was harmful to me, not to mention those around me. To give it to Him the best I could. I did. Know this does not mean I am now little "Miss Happy Lollypops and Roses", but He has given me the faith to know He will be there for me to help reconize when the anger has crossed the line into the destructive stage. That He will be a place for me to go for the help I need during those times.
Also realized I have been in shock for over a year now and not myself. In over a year both my husband and I have had surgery, we moved, the hurricanes, our daughter left to finsh school (poss not coming back to live. . .she is planning to look for work in the Calif. area, also a new boyfriend, that appears to be serious. . . he is a nice boy, we like him so far), and "hubby & his church" . The worse has been my husband's personality change due to his surgery and this church.
Forgive me, I am rambling. I know this is long.
Anyway, I cut myself some "shock slack", and do feel I am recovering. I am starting to feel more like myself, and not so strung out. I hope I get a break and the recovery will continue. You get "shell shock" after a while.
Hubby and I are doing ok. We enjoyed one another's company and for a while forgot about the mess. I guess you just take it as it comes and be grateful for the good times.
Unless pastor comes back with some kind of crap, we will prob. make it. I think hubby just enjoys playing his music at the church and wants that. I don't think he understands what has been done to me or to our daughter there. He may not be able to at this time. At any rate, I am willing to give, let him go to this church and to his music ministry.
I do see a potential problem. Unless this pastor goes through some major repentance, I fear the pressure will begin again. This guy has to be in control of everyone and their families. Image is everything. To him, it does not look good when I am not there and a very obviously alone hubby is on his stage. This does not "look good", therefore it has to be "fixed".
I plan to study the "mind control" cult materials you all suggested to prepared for this.
I need to bring this to a close, but wanted to share something I felt the Lord's Hand in.
We were in the "TBN" Santa Ana area for over a week. Hubby got a good look at that world. (He enjoyed the "Bermuda Triangle musings" I posted here and was supportive)
I think what got to him was the over the top high living standard. . .very good living, and that his mother gives these people so much money.
His mother's home is still "blue topped" from Rita, and the house blown about a foot off its foundation. Her niece and husband are living with her because their house was almost blown away by the storm. . .the roof collasped, then the walls. His mother insists on staying there.
So there they all are, scaping money together from a tight budget to send to TBN and the TV peachers.
This hit hubby hard and he was angery. We had some good conversations about the abuse of church tithing. His pastor is a money manipulation master.
Know the Lord is working. . .that it will somehow work out, either here or in heaven. That is His promise. I guess that is all I know and all I have to hold on to.
Again thank you all for your kindness during my trials. Bless you!