A poem by Janice written 7/7/01

[Janice]

I don't understand why I can't get it right
Why I struggle all day & most of the night
Always having to do things my way,
And never letting God have His way.
I've built so many walls in the course of my life,
So much hurt, & heartache, & pain,
The walls are there for my protection,
I don't want to let them down again.
As long as they're up, I know God can't get through
But, that's a risk I am willing to take
It makes no sense to do this alone but,
I make my own mistakes!
The bottom line, is that I constantly feel
no matter how hard I try,
I will always be the same person I was
Unworthy, and spiritually dry.
Never amounting to anything
No matter what people may think,
I will ALWAYS be "not good enough"
stupid, stubborn, and "on the brink"
This certainly is a pitiful poem but,
I guess that's the mood I'm in.
It's the best way I know to express how I feel
Thanks for listening, my wonderful friends