On the cusp

[Ellen]

Hi everyone,

I haven't written much on here in a long while and just recently have had some amazing things happen that I hope will give all of you here some hope for the future.

First, a short recap: Nearly 20 years ago, I left a church whose unwritten rules included women not being able to speak from the platform, teach males once they reach 12 years of age, pray aloud when males are present, pass information from one male to another, etc. I "stepped out" of the music ministry to give more attention to my family since my work hours were increasing so the pastor retalliated by smearing me from every direction. It was all so subtle, though, that it took 18 months of escalating abuse and my husband and I being told that the pastor does God's will perfectly before we finally decided to leave. The abuse I suffered there was debilitating.

At our next church, after a couple of years, I finally started singing in the choir. From there, I began assisting the music director several hours per week (voluntarily). He ended up being abusive also in that those of us around him were to make him look good. When I expressed some concerns to the leadership, I was shunned and ostracized to the point that I was told that I could not participate in anything beyond warming a pew.

In the midst of that time, I began working for another church as music director and again found that my job was to make the pastor look good - no matter what expense to me. I lasted 2 years. When I left, the entire staff had already resigned except for the custodian and the pastor. That should say something.

All I can say, at this point of the story, is that I had a sense that if God was going to bring healing to me, it would be through the pastor of the "next church" that I mentioned above. I had not left it - I just worked somewhere else, so I went back and spent the next several years sitting just a few rows from the pastor and listened to him preach grace and reconcilliation week after week with me sitting there like thorn in his side - or so I hoped.

Finally, about 18 months ago, my husband and I sat down with the pastor and asked him point blank what I had done. He dodged the question, but told me that I had suffered from poor leadership/staff who in the meantime had left (the music guy had been fired and a couple of others had been asked to resign). The pastor also told me that I was free to serve/participate in any way that I wanted.

In the past several months, I have attended classes, done some music, taken over a large portion of the landscaping at the church (I believe it's a 16 acre campus) and have recently been asked to assist with prayer ministry during a conference that will be held in a few weeks. Then last week, the senior pastor's brother asked me to teach a class next fall.

I had a chat with the senior pastor last week, as well, and I must say, he has changed a great deal over the past 10 years - which has played a large part in our being able to reach this point of healing, restoration, and reconcilliation. While he allowed many hurtful things to happen over the years, as time has passed, I know he has come to regret them and is coming to be a very humble and servant-hearted man of God. Isn't that what God does in those who earnest seek him?

So, after walking through 18 years of pain and heartache, I am in a very sweet place right now - better, stronger, healthier, and happier than I was even before. Ours is a great and wonderful God!

Ellen

[Gizmo]

I'm happy for you Ellen. It does'nt give me hope. It shows that there is alot of crazymaking going on. I'm glad it happened for you, but it isn't going to happen for me. I'm still stuck with the grief and despair of what happened.

I am going thru some changes in how I view the SA. I have alot of grief to go thru. I wish I could get some justice, but i won't be getting any.

It shows that you are a very strong person and perserverance paid off for you. I am happy for you. I am glad you are in a place with people you can heal with.

[KSM]

I'm glad for you, Ellen. Sounds wonderful! So much to have gone through, and so incredible to hear that man tell you that what happened was wrong (that you suffered from bad leadership). And now to be able to do what you love--I'm happy for you!

[riverdove]

Great news ... thanks for sharing

[ex-shep]

Originally Posted by riverdove

Great news ... thanks for sharing

Here Here

[Reg]

Ellen, Very glad for you that you have found a place of healing. God is good.

Thank you for coming back here and telling us the good news. We need all the positive reinforcement we can get.