Quotes on Forgiveness

[Reg]

Forgiveness is unfair but think of the consequences of the alternative.


Not to forgive imprisons us in the past and locks out all potential for change.

We forgive not merely to fulfill some higher law of morality; we do it for ourselves.

The only thing harder than forgiveness is the alternative.

Forgiveness breaks the cycle of blame and loosens the stranglehold of guilt.

The problem with revenge is that it never gets what it wants; it never evens the score. Fairness never comes. The chain reaction set off by every act of vengeance always takes its unhindered course. It ties both the injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain. Both are stuck on the escalator as long as parity is demanded, and the escalator never stops, never lets anyone off.

As long as you are tangled in wrong and revenge, blow and counter blow, aggression and defense, you will be constantly drawn into fresh wrong... Only forgiveness frees us from the injustice of others.

If everyone followed the "eye for an eye" principle of justice, observed Gandhi, eventually the whole world would go blind.

Politics deals with externals: borders, wealth, crimes. Authentic forgiveness deals with the evil in a person's heart, something for which politics has no cure.

Apart from forgiveness, the monstrous past may awake at any time from hibernation to devour the present. And also the future. Only forgiveness can break the back of the monster of the evil un-grace has unleashed upon the world.

Paul Tillich defined forgiveness as remembering the past in order that it might be forgotten.

The past must be remembered before it can be overcome.

After the civil war, politicians and advisors urged Abraham Lincoln to punish the South severely for all the bloodshed it had caused. "Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?" replied the president.

Christianity has always insisted that the cross we bear precedes the crown we wear.

Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

No matter how it looks at any given point in history, the gates guarding the powers of evil will not withstand an assault by grace.

No one can forgive on behalf of victims. Victims have to forgive for themselves. And no one can forgive without full disclosure: what happened and who did what must first be revealed. Also, those who committed the atrocities must agree to ask for forgiveness before it can be granted.

Forgiveness is neither easy or clear-cut.

One may forgive the Germans but put restrictions on the armies, forgive a child abuser but keep him away from his victims, forgive Southern racism but enforce laws to keep it from happening again.

Because it goes against human nature, forgiveness must be taught and practiced, as one would practice any difficult craft. "Forgiveness is not just an occasional act: it is a permanent attitude," said martin Luther King Jr.

From his book "The Prisoner and the Bomb" Laurens van der Post recounts the misery of his wartime experiences in a Japanese prison camp in Java. In that unlikely place he concluded,

The only hope for the future lay in an all-embracing attitude of forgiveness of the peoples who had been our enemies. Forgiveness, my prison experience has taught me, was not mere religious sentimentality; it was as fundamental a law of the human spirit as the law of gravity. If one broke the law of gravity one broke one's neck; if one broke the law of forgiveness one inflicted a mortal wound on one's spirit and once again a member of the chain-gang of mere cause and effect from which life has laboured so long and painfully to escape.

God dispenses Grace - not wages. Grace is not about finishing last or first; it is about not counting.

(From the book, "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey)

[Hope 98]

Originally Posted by Reg

Forgiveness [COLOR=Magenta][SIZE=2]is unfair but think of the consequences of the alternative.

The past must be remembered before it can be overcome.
No one can forgive on behalf of victims. Victims have to forgive for themselves. And no one can forgive without full disclosure: what happened and who did what must first be revealed. Also, those who committed the atrocities must agree to ask for forgiveness before it can be granted.

Forgiveness is neither easy or clear-cut.

One may forgive the Germans but put restrictions on the armies, forgive a child abuser but keep him away from his victims, forgive Southern racism but enforce laws to keep it from happening again.

(From the book, "What's So Amazing About Grace" by Philip Yancey)

I don't know if I agree that forgiveness is unfair. I'll have to think about that.

I also have considered the possibility that I can't forgive anyone - only God can. On the cross, Jesus said "Father forgive them". I don't know if he ever said that he hiimself forgave anyone. I do know that when I was struggling with forgiveness at one point, I gave them to God saying that I can't forgive them, that God would have to do that while I worked at it. It suddenly didn't seem quite so difficult then.

Last - the process of forgiving doesn't necessarily eliminate the pain of the wrong done, and it doesn't require that the wrongdoer must be trusted in the future. It was recognizing that that made all the difference in being able to forgive - or simply release to God - anyone at all.

[Willow]

Great points Hope and Reg!

I think we do forgiveness an injustice if we simplify it to a set of rules. The depth of the topic intrigues me... and all the clarifications it takes to realize what true forgiveness is. And... I also believe it's a gift from God. Any forgiveness I've tried to do on my own strength amounts to some form of denial and numbing against the truth of the injury committed to me. To fully forgive, I had to fully feel the offense, get really angry, and then let go of it. I can't let go of it if I don't let myself feel it first... it nags at me and comes up in blowups... like the crust on the top of a volcano.

Anyway.... silly thoughts... but it's the closest thing that comes to working for me on this subject.

[Voyager]

Does God forgive Satan?

Satan did things against God and became His enemy. My pastor did things to me and became my enemy. Why would Jesus require me to forgive my pastor unless He is ready to forgive Satan?

[Voyager]

Sorry about that last reply, I hope it didn't trigger anyone. It's just that the forgiveness topic was used on so many of us as a requirement by our former abusers. So I think it just throws up a red flag for me. Maybe in our desire to choose for ourselves for a change, we toss aside a few things that are not so bad - like mandatory forgiveness. Forgiveness is good, mandatory is not good. I don't believe that God wants us to throw away our right to evaluate situations. I am a firm believer that salvation is not by works. If it were, then all doctrine would be mandatory and no one would measure up. Then we have the verse that says if we don't forgive, we won't be forgiven. That's why this is a hopeless debate for me. No one ever wins it, they just debate back and forth forever.

Obedience to religious doctrine just doesn't come automatically for me anymore like it once did. I find myself questioning things now instead of just processing them as a requirement. I guess I am a doubting-Thomas now.

[Hope 98]

Originally Posted by Voyager

Sorry about that last reply, I hope it didn't trigger anyone. It's just that the forgiveness topic was used on so many of us as a requirement by our former abusers. So I think it just throws up a red flag for me

It's understandable really. I got really tired of being accused of an "unforgiving and bitter spirit". I think I only started to heal once I understood that forgiveness didn't require continued submission to abuse. It also didn't make everything better right away. I can't tell you how many times I was told that if I'd only forgive I wouldn't hurt anymore.

I often thought of how the Samaritan that helped the man who was attacked by robbers and ignored by priests and Levites, never once concerned himself with whether or not the victim forgave his attackers. I think he new that his injuries needed time and attention to heal. Sometimes it seems that people forget that.

anyway ...

[Reg]

Originally Posted by Hope 98

It's understandable really. I got really tired of being accused of an "unforgiving and bitter spirit". I think I only started to heal once I understood that forgiveness didn't require continued submission to abuse. It also didn't make everything better right away. I can't tell you how many times I was told that if I'd only forgive I wouldn't hurt anymore.

Forgiveness is hard work and it is personal. Anyone who accuses another of being bitter and unforgiving doesn't understand the process of forgiveness. They are just parrots repeating well-worn phrases with no heart or feeling.

Remember one thing about forgiveness. It is not a one time thing. It is a process that takes time. Once the decision is made, the process begins.

Forgiving is the only way to be fair to yourself. It is like carrying around unwanted baggage. It is a weight we constantly bear. To put down those bags and weights makes our journey much lighter requiring less effort - not more.

Not to do so is a loser's game. It is the ultimate frustration because it brings you more and repeated pain than you got in the first place. The only way to heal the pain that will not heal itself is to forgive the person who hurt you. You don't have to tell them, but you do need to tell your heart. It is a personal thing, not a expected requirement that the other person demands or expects. It is the medicine that you must take to heal yourself. The venom of unforgiveness will eventually take it's toll on the one who is infected by it. Get the venom out.

The barb on the end of the hook is the unforgiveness that keeps us attached to the other person. We need to get the hook out and let go so that they can no longer control our lives or hurt us with the hook.

When you let go of the hook that attaches you to the wrongdoer and the wrong done to you by them you are free from their influence, pain and control over you. It is like you cut a malignant tumour out of your life.

We will remain in the prison cage of unforgiveness that keeps us a prisoner until we turn the key of Forgiveness in the lock on the door that opens it and gives us back our freedom. When you set the prisoner free with that key you realize that the real prisoner was you indeed. True freedom from that cage can only be realized when your heart receives the balm of forgiveness only God can give you. It is a part of His Divine Nature.

Not to forgive imprisons us in the past and locks out all potential for change.

Forgiveness is about us and for us. It not about the other person.The only person we can change is ourselves.

Try this little change on the Serenity Prayer.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, Courage to change the person I can and the wisdom to know that person is me.

"Bitter spirit . . . " Boy do I know that line! "Unforgiving" was not something I was accused of - you can't be accused of being "unforgiving" if the person/people who are tearing you apart believe they have nothing to be forgiven for!

So many times, all I really needed was a heartfelt acknowledgement of the pain that has been inflicted on me and an apology. The last time my senior pastor spoke to me, it was to justify his position by claiming that he was unaware of what his staff person had done. What I had expected from him was something like, "Ellen, I am so sorry we handled that so poorly. What can I do now to help you through this difficult time?" Instead, I got, "I have no idea what is going on. I have left it entirely up to ***** and I have stayed completely out of it.

Interestingly enough, what he didn't realize is that I could prove his lie about being innocent and that the hurt caused was a direct result of his directive to this staff person in how to handle the situation. Still, all I wanted was an acknowledgement that I had been hurt and an apology.

As I think about it, I don't even find it hard to forgive without an apology. What I find hard is to know that there are people who preach forgiveness who will never forgive me for things real or imagined.

Florence

[Voyager]

Originally Posted by Reg

Not to forgive imprisons us in the past and locks out all potential for change.

Does that mean Jesus will be imprisoned in the past until He forgives Satan?

[diva]

The Annals of Internal Medicine recently reported a study that found injured patients were 50 percent less likely to seek legal advice when an error was disclosed and there was an apology than when there was no disclosure or apology.
Wouldn't it be nice if church personnel realized that it would be a big help to disclose the error and apologize?