Suggestion

[Worn Shoeleather]

To whom it may concern:

I am currently a member of 5 different message boards (several spin offs belonging to friends) as well as the administrator of my own. I've been a user of message boards since 1998.

My friends and I have discovered (often through painful trial and error) that the best way to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings is to post a general "rules of board etiquette" for all members to follow.

I think it would be helpful to consider posting one here.

A few suggestions for such rules would be:

No "trolls." [A troll is a troublemaker who joins a board for the sole purpose of causing disruption and mayhem. This is a bannable offense.]

Be sensitive to the one another's feelings.

Don't give advice on topics for which you are not qualified to do so. (Such as legal or medical)

Place posts in the appropriate subject folders.

No mutliple posts. [Posting the exact same post in more than one folder to get a greater response, it takes up more room on the server.]

Please be considerate of another person's thread and do not "hijack" it by changing the subject matter or refocusing the attention on yourself.

NEVER post personal information about yourself or another. This is basic internet safety.

Respect one another's privacy.

These are just a few of the general rules I've seen, sometimes different administrators come up with their own. On my board, I reserve the right to be the final word on any and all controversies - hey, I pay for it right?

I hope this info will be helpful.

With all due respect,

Shoe

[Emerging]

My take is that this is a LOT to ADD to what is already in place and perhaps a VOTE after we all carefully ponder and pray over these suggestions would be in order? ... after all, many misunderstandings only occur because of triggering, which is something we EACH have to be responsible for .... healing is so MESSY at times!

What Would Jesus Do here?

With an eye as single as possible to His glory,
--Emerging

Shoe and Administration:


I just wanted to comment on Shoe's suggestions. The other day I was struggling big time about coming or going, staying and a whole bunch of things and Dale Ryan wrote me the most incredible email and it was so full of freedom and God's grace and I am sure he doesn't know the impact it had on me but it brought tears to my eyes because someone wasn't packing more laws, and more rules at me to conform. I can really appreciate the forum and not double posting as I was doing that I see that since we changed forums that I don't need to do that but you know what makes this board so user friendly? It is because of the grace of God that I have not seen in a whole long time. I am so tired of being whipped into submission. But I see your point about double posts from one forum to the other. I get different feedback from different people on the forums and there is a fuller picture with the whole family and if it is wrong to get more people to post to me than I am wrong because I do hope that will happen. I have to admit when I seen your post that I felt like cowering and hiding again like a child who had down wrong but then I realized that this is a suggestion board and that I am going to add my two cents as did Emerging and you to keep the board user friendly...


I really appreciate how administration is doing things right now. They are doing fantastic and have been very kind in not making so many rules my head spins. Actually a lot of us have those rules from the former forums and that is just common sense that we don't hand out medical advice and we are big girls and boys here and so if someone does then I would hope that we would discern and realize that it is just an opinion and not the AMA. It might be different if we had children on here.

Just my two cents.

Melanie

[Worn Shoeleather]

Dear forum:

It was not my intention to offend anyone by offering these suggestions. I am very well acquainted with "triggers" and the emotional distress they can cause. I say this because the boards I belong to are support forums for people dealing with major depression and mental illness.

Since joining my first message board back in 1998 I have witnessed several heated and malicious controversies that caused damage not only to the people involved but also to those who witnessed them.

In internet terms, these are called "flame wars" and like real fires they start with the tiniest of sparks:

Someone will feel slighted or hurt and respond in anger.
The person on the receiving end will attempt to defend themself or reciprocate.
Allies of both people will eventually join in and then . . . the war is on.
In the worst case scenario combatants will take the war underground via personal messaging and direct e-mail and then it's even harder or sometimes impossible to put out the flames.

I was witness to a particulary nasty war that caused a well known support site to actually shut down after the hurt party threatened to slap the administrator with a lawsuit.

I'm not trying to scare anyone, I just want the administrators here to be aware of the realities of internet interactions and not be fooled by the thought "that won't happen here."

I wish we lived in a world where christians, of all people who should know better, would be able to communicate with eachother without being reminded to "play nice."

This IS NOT a personal attack on anyone (another rule often mentioned.) I'm just very, very, very, concerned for the well being of this forum.

Please, I beg you, don't feel that my words at directed at any one of you in particular. I'm merely speaking as the voice of experience.

Believe me, experience hurts. I'm trying to spare you that pain.

Respectfully,

Shoe


(If the administrators feel I have over-stepped my bounds here and would like me to leave I will do so without protest.)

Shoe:


Why would you offend in posting your opinions? I look at it that I am responsible for my reactions/responses and I was just seeing the flip side of the coin that is all.


The board here was for suggestions and questions. I always have an opinion and this one seemed important enough for me to lay mine out too. That is how I see it.

I just followed up with my two cents. Not offended at all.

Melanie

[admin]

Seem like pretty reasonable guidelines to me. These forums have in fact been the site of more than one flame-war in the past. And we even shut one of the forums down recently. Our new software gives us better options than in the past for responding to such situations but no software can change the attitudes of forum participants. Internet forums are VERY public spaces. Here you will probably interact with a much wider range of people than in any other setting in your life. Some will experience that diversity as a rich resource, some will experience it as terrifying. Some will experience it as both. In the end, a forum is a fragile community of broken people. No software and no rules will completely eliminate the possibility of misunderstandings, triggering or worse.

Your sharing of hard-won learning from other forums is appreciated!

[Jerry]

I think the Admin.of this board is doing an outstanding job.The flame war that caused the shut-down of the S/A forum was extreme,,,,I know ,,,I was part of that.I think it is a hard line to walk for the Admin.Learning how to have "Heated" exchange without a flame-war taking place is part of recovery also.That "Delete" button can be a powerful "Tool of Abuse" and can inflict as much damage as an antaginistic post....I have seen that on other boards.We are blessed with an Admin that has very good disearnment........
Thats all I got to say about that,,,,,,,,,,,,,SO THERE!!!!!,,,,,, Jerry