Has anything good come out of the bad SA?

[Gizmo]

I am having a hard time sorting through the Sa and how I feel. I was wondering for those of you who feel better what kinds of good things have come out of the painful experieces? I need some hopeful things to focus onl

[KSM]

When I got thrown out of a church in 2000, I struggled to figure out if anything good could come out of it. Within a year, people from there started calling me. They'd also been thrown out and needed help, information, and encouragement. Though I wouldn't tell them today what I told them then, hopefully I helped them some. :)

Since leaving, I'd say there's been a lot good to come from the bad for me. I've learned a lot about how to treat people and how NOT to treat people. I'm more aware of what to watch for now, more decided on what I believe, and more confident of what I want (and of voicing that!). I appreciate some small things more that I once would have taken for granted (before the SA). I'm more likely to study, less likely to take someone's opinion for something. I'm apt to listen to and trust my gut instinct more. And hopefully I'm more capable of helping others who are facing SA (or who have or have had friends and family who faced SA), themselves. I advocate somewhat against my former group, hopefully raising awareness somewhat. And I have new friends, good friends, who I would never have met otherwise.

[ex-shep]

When I got thrown out of a church in 2000, I struggled to figure out if anything good could come out of it. Within a year, people from there started calling me. They'd also been thrown out and needed help, information, and encouragement. Though I wouldn't tell them today what I told them then, hopefully I helped them some. :)

Since leaving, I'd say there's been a lot good to come from the bad for me. I've learned a lot about how to treat people and how NOT to treat people. I'm more aware of what to watch for now, more decided on what I believe, and more confident of what I want (and of voicing that!). I appreciate some small things more that I once would have taken for granted (before the SA). I'm more likely to study, less likely to take someone's opinion for something. I'm apt to listen to and trust my gut instinct more. And hopefully I'm more capable of helping others who are facing SA (or who have or have had friends and family who faced SA), themselves. I advocate somewhat against my former group, hopefully raising awareness somewhat. And I have new friends, good friends, who I would never have met otherwise.

That was essentially my story too when I left my groups. I found the rooms of a couple 12 step groups made the post group recovery fit like a hand to glove. No doubt there were pain and emotional struggles, but also a sense of increasingly fresh air. I can relate to the gut instincts. Those have kicked in on many an occasion. I did write a fact sheet on my group. It was freeing to get it all on paper, but it also helped others as well. The fact that we all on the forum puts us all a 100 points ahead of the game.

[Reg]

I am having a hard time sorting through the Sa and how I feel. I was wondering for those of you who feel better what kinds of good things have come out of the painful experieces? I need some hopeful things to focus onl

Yes, look to the positive side of our experiences.

Personally, I have become more sensitive to what others are experiencing. I learned to listen better and accept another person's reality. Not so quick to answer. Have a better relationship with my Saviour. Learned that trust has to be earned. I allow a reasonable amount of time to make assessments of others before deciding how much I can trust them especially when it comes to church leaders. Have become wiser as a result.

Here are a couple of places that give other benefits learned from the SA experience and how to move forward.

Spiritual Abuse Recovery: Lessons Learned
http://thewartburgwatch.com/2011/02/22/spiritual-abuse-recovery-lessons-learned/


Recovery from Spiritual Abuse Part 1-Five Personal Lessons from My Surviving Toxic Leaders
http://futuristguy.wordpress.com/2008/03/13/recovery-from-spiritual-abuse-part-1-five-personal-lessons-from-my-surviving-toxic-leaders/

[KSM]

Another good thing is that I can read the warning signs of a bad relationship and back off without the guilt I used to feel for having doubts or misgivings about another person's actions. It used to be *Mary says no* *other person says "aww, I'm sorry. What did I do wrong? I didn't mean to. I need you!"* And I would back down. I went through that silly circle more times than I care to admit. Now when someone does that, I'm getting closer to saying "yes, you goofed. You don't need me though, and I'm not joining your pity party. Back off." And I can mean it.

[Gizmo]

KSM, You got alot stronger in many ways. It sounds like your boundries are stronger too. And you got wiser in how you face and deal with the situations.

I too got stronger. My boundries are better. And I got wiser in how I face and deal with people and situations.

I'm learning the wisom of being silent an just listening. I don't have to go along with the status quo anymore. I can listen and yet make healthier decisions, based on my gut instincts.

I can do all of these things without the internal torture I used to go through. Thanks for the feedback and kudos to you.

[Gizmo]

Reg.

I am learning not to speculate and assume. Trust does have to be earned. That takes time. I tend to avoid toxic people for my own well being. I have a hard time with those in denial.

Thank you for sharing and especially the lincs.

[Gizmo]

I can relate to the gut instincts.

Ex-shep, thank you for responding. I'm glad the 12 step groups were so helpful.What is a fact sheet? I'm happy for the fresh air. Pain and emotional struggles are where I am now. I am glad to be on the forum. It has helped me tremendously. It is refreshing to be able to focus on the positive for a change.

I am learning to trust my gut instincts. They are there to protect us frm more harm and to keep us safe. Thanks for the good.

[Gizmo]

KSM, I am glad that people reached out to you. I too have learned to be appropriate with other people. I too am more confident of what I want and voice that too. If I need something, I'm not afraid to ask. If something is important to me, I am learning to take a stand and fight fair for it. I still get triggered by another's anger and displeasure but I manage to stand my ground. Thank you for sharing the good stuff with me. It gives me hope and fixes my focus on positive things

[ex-shep]

I can relate to the gut instincts.

Ex-shep, thank you for responding. I'm glad the 12 step groups were so helpful.What is a fact sheet? I'm happy for the fresh air. Pain and emotional struggles are where I am now. I am glad to be on the forum. It has helped me tremendously. It is refreshing to be able to focus on the positive for a change.

I am learning to trust my gut instincts. They are there to protect us from more harm and to keep us safe. Thanks for the good.

Happy to reply. A fact sheet is a paper providing information on the history and current practices of the group. The practice is a touch archaic as it has been outdated by on line blogs. Even it is never released, some times just putting the experiences on paper can be quite freeing. I only received a few inquiries over the years. Talking to people who were in similar groups was affirming as well.

[FoundInGrace]

for me some good things have come out of it. i am more sure of what i believe and there is more reality about it. i know deep that God loves me and its for real, not that it wasnt before but with all the ups and downs and God mercifully intervening on some stuff i know now with a depth i didnt have before who God really is.

i think i am more sensitive to people who are struggling, more accepting of people where they're at hopefully, than i would have been if i hadnt had those experiences. i dont put people in boxes so much anymore.

sometimes (and only sometimes) i see through the rubbish and see it for what it is.

i have a new found appreciation for God's grace and unconditional love and a sense of thankfulness that i didnt have before for those things.

i dont know if this is good but i kinda like stirring a bit with believers who are quite churched or old school and challenging their faith to see what its really made of, if its actually reality for them or just something they blindly believe with no foundation. i dont do that too often but i tend to do that and i think most of the time thats a good thing. sigh i challenge one of the pastors at my current church quite a bit so maybe its not a good thing all the time :o but i'm on a journey with spiritual leadership and i think he gets that (and he handles it pretty well really so i'm grateful for that)

Though at times i have my setbacks, years on from it i can look back and see God's hand steadying me when i needed Him to stop me from going under and He did and over time He's been putting me on more stable ground. He's always been gentle but strong when I needed Him to be - I see that looking back I didnt necessarily see Him at the time doing that but looking back I can see He was walking with me. And that is something good thats come out of it as well.

wow this is a long post. better stop now

[Gizmo]

Found in Grace. Thank you for taking the time to share out of your experiences. it is good to know so much good can come out of so much bad,I really appreciate your taking the time to so thoughtfully put it all down like that. It gives me fresh hope.