Voyager
02-02-2005, 10:10 AM
Here is an article that I found very interesting:
Take Back the Power
by Bronwyn Fox
'If no one is going to rescue me........?', is a question from Nathaniel Branden's book ' The Six Pillars of Self Esteem' (1) and is a question we ask in one of our Panic Anxiety Management Follow up Programs. The open ended question is provoking. 'If no one is going to rescue me'..... and take the Disorder away, if there is not going to be a magic answer, a magic pill, a magic cure, and ultimately our recovery is going to be up to us, what then? Answers to the question are always extremely powerful. From outright anger, ' .....(expletive deleted).... that's not fair' to indignation, 'I'll do it myself (that will show them)' to the self empowered, 'I know and I'm doing it'.
Paraphrasing Branden, he is right when he says, 'When the client grasps no one is coming... a 'click' seems to occur in the client's mind and a new forward motion begins.....'(1). And in most instances that 'new forward motion' is power. Personal Power. Resulting in self responsibility, commitment and recovery. Even if the power initially comes from anger or indignation, it can be the first time people actually feel their own strength and determination and it can be the first time they see they actually do have a choice in how they live their lives. In feeling our own power, the power balance between ourselves and our Anxiety Disorder is shifted.
It may seem strange to use the words 'power balance' when talking of anxiety disorders, but the majority of people with an anxiety disorder, give away their personal power, not just to the disorder, but to the myths, stigma, shame and community attitudes about the disorders and mental health generally.
Giving away personal power is not a result of an anxiety disorder, the majority of people with an anxiety disorder have always given away their personal power and in the process have become very passive people. This has enabled them to be the 'strong one' in the family, the person who family, friends and acquaintances turn to (and turn to and turn to! ) whenever there is a problem. The word 'no' is not part of their vocabulary. They are good, kind, caring people who take the responsibility for everyone else. The one person they do not take care of, or are responsible for, is themselves.
The development of the disorders, either gradually or as a powerfully swift and dramatic force, can destroy peoples' lives. As they have never felt their personal power they feel completely powerless to the onslaught of the disorder.
In the past and unfortunately even today, some health practitioners do not have a basic understanding of anxiety disorders, let alone knowledge in the latest treatment methods. The lack of understanding and knowledge by many of the health professions of course adds to the sense of helplessness and confusion people feel. They go to the doctor and/or to their therapist and wait for them to do 'something' to take the disorder away. If the doctor or therapist don't know or has little understanding of anxiety disorders, their assistance is limited and people feel further dis-empowered.
Even though knowledge and understanding of the disorders is now growing and will continue to grow within the health professions, people with an anxiety disorder often unwittingly contribute to the lack of understanding. Not only are they extremely passive, they also need to be perfect. The perfect partner, parent, sibling, employee or employer, friend, acquaintance, and many try to be the perfect patient.
In so many instances people may only tell their doctor one or two symptoms. They may never tell the doctor their full experience, any avoidance behaviour, any alcohol problem or thoughts of suicide, because it doesn't fit in with the image of who people want themselves to be. 'This is not me, I am not like this'.
It is difficult for doctors and therapists to understand and make an appropriate diagnosis if people hold back many of the pertinent facts about what they are experiencing. Not only do they disempower themselves, inadvertently people disempower their doctor who can't fully assist them , because the doctor does not know the whole 'picture'.
One of the first and by far the biggest obstacles to taking back the power is a lack of compassion towards self. True compassion is the recognition, understanding and the ability to fully feel the pain of our own individual suffering without mentally abusing ourselves, 'I am hopeless, stupid, worthless etc' and without the brutal self hatred many people feel. When we can feel our own pain and suffering, without trying to avoid it, we then recognise, at a very deep level, the pain and suffering in others. But true compassion does not mean taking responsibility for other peoples' pain, it means first and foremost, taking responsibility for how we deal with our own.
In the early stages of an anxiety disorder people say, 'This is not me, I am not like this' and in doing so, they negate and invalidate their own suffering and pain. Most people cannot see, let alone acknowledge or appreciate their own strength and courage which has bought them thus far.
The first step in taking back the power means learning to be compassionate toward ourselves. How can people recover when they continually invalidate, mentally abuse and hate themselves? How can people feel true compassion for others if they cannot feel it for themselves? How can they recognise strength and courage in others, when they are not able to see it in themselves?
When we as individuals can begin to be kind to ourselves, when we can feel our own pain and suffering without trying to avoid it, when we can accept, 'I do have an anxiety disorder', and when we accept our own strength and courage, we take back the power.
The other major obstacle, which keeps people disempowered is again related to compassion. While in time people may accept their anxiety disorder and accept their strength and courage, there are so many others things that have to be done before they can concentrate on recovery. Usually the other things are for other people. Recovery can end up on the list of priorities as number 5, or 10 or number 20.
Bringing recovery to number one priority goes against who people think they should be and what they think compassion is. Many give away their power and recovery in the belief they are being selfish in making their recovery number one priority. There is no denying other people can and do get upset when people start to say no and begin to put themselves first. The question of selfishness arises time and time again, not only from people with the disorder, but also from partners, family members and/or friends. But how can caring about, and looking after our own mental health be selfish? Taking back the power means recovery needs to be number one priority.
The question, 'If no one is going to rescue me.....?' , can lead us, sometimes quite dramatically, to the shift in the power base between us and our anxiety disorder. We have the power, it is already there, it is not something we have to manufacture. Recognising and using our power means self responsibility which in turn leads to freedom. Freedom from the disorders and freedom to be who we really are, not who we think we should be. The choice is ours!
This article made me realize that I gave up something that I shouldn't have when I left my former abusive church. I gave up my right "not" to be a victim. I became totally consumed with victimhood, and have been ever since. I constantly put myself down, and I have become passive. I look for ways to find a cure to this madness - when the cure is within me. All I have to do is to decide to stop being a victim. I have known this for some time, but I just never really understood how to get back the power that I gave away to my abuser. My abuser has no right to make me a perpetual victim.
I feel an anger rising inside of me. It's a good, healthy anger. Hopefully it will help me take back the power over my life so that I can stop playing the victim role. It's about time I took my life back from this constant self-pity and passivity. I am not "damaged goods". I want to start enjoying life again, and stop hating myself for things that I was not responsible for.
:cool:
Take Back the Power
by Bronwyn Fox
'If no one is going to rescue me........?', is a question from Nathaniel Branden's book ' The Six Pillars of Self Esteem' (1) and is a question we ask in one of our Panic Anxiety Management Follow up Programs. The open ended question is provoking. 'If no one is going to rescue me'..... and take the Disorder away, if there is not going to be a magic answer, a magic pill, a magic cure, and ultimately our recovery is going to be up to us, what then? Answers to the question are always extremely powerful. From outright anger, ' .....(expletive deleted).... that's not fair' to indignation, 'I'll do it myself (that will show them)' to the self empowered, 'I know and I'm doing it'.
Paraphrasing Branden, he is right when he says, 'When the client grasps no one is coming... a 'click' seems to occur in the client's mind and a new forward motion begins.....'(1). And in most instances that 'new forward motion' is power. Personal Power. Resulting in self responsibility, commitment and recovery. Even if the power initially comes from anger or indignation, it can be the first time people actually feel their own strength and determination and it can be the first time they see they actually do have a choice in how they live their lives. In feeling our own power, the power balance between ourselves and our Anxiety Disorder is shifted.
It may seem strange to use the words 'power balance' when talking of anxiety disorders, but the majority of people with an anxiety disorder, give away their personal power, not just to the disorder, but to the myths, stigma, shame and community attitudes about the disorders and mental health generally.
Giving away personal power is not a result of an anxiety disorder, the majority of people with an anxiety disorder have always given away their personal power and in the process have become very passive people. This has enabled them to be the 'strong one' in the family, the person who family, friends and acquaintances turn to (and turn to and turn to! ) whenever there is a problem. The word 'no' is not part of their vocabulary. They are good, kind, caring people who take the responsibility for everyone else. The one person they do not take care of, or are responsible for, is themselves.
The development of the disorders, either gradually or as a powerfully swift and dramatic force, can destroy peoples' lives. As they have never felt their personal power they feel completely powerless to the onslaught of the disorder.
In the past and unfortunately even today, some health practitioners do not have a basic understanding of anxiety disorders, let alone knowledge in the latest treatment methods. The lack of understanding and knowledge by many of the health professions of course adds to the sense of helplessness and confusion people feel. They go to the doctor and/or to their therapist and wait for them to do 'something' to take the disorder away. If the doctor or therapist don't know or has little understanding of anxiety disorders, their assistance is limited and people feel further dis-empowered.
Even though knowledge and understanding of the disorders is now growing and will continue to grow within the health professions, people with an anxiety disorder often unwittingly contribute to the lack of understanding. Not only are they extremely passive, they also need to be perfect. The perfect partner, parent, sibling, employee or employer, friend, acquaintance, and many try to be the perfect patient.
In so many instances people may only tell their doctor one or two symptoms. They may never tell the doctor their full experience, any avoidance behaviour, any alcohol problem or thoughts of suicide, because it doesn't fit in with the image of who people want themselves to be. 'This is not me, I am not like this'.
It is difficult for doctors and therapists to understand and make an appropriate diagnosis if people hold back many of the pertinent facts about what they are experiencing. Not only do they disempower themselves, inadvertently people disempower their doctor who can't fully assist them , because the doctor does not know the whole 'picture'.
One of the first and by far the biggest obstacles to taking back the power is a lack of compassion towards self. True compassion is the recognition, understanding and the ability to fully feel the pain of our own individual suffering without mentally abusing ourselves, 'I am hopeless, stupid, worthless etc' and without the brutal self hatred many people feel. When we can feel our own pain and suffering, without trying to avoid it, we then recognise, at a very deep level, the pain and suffering in others. But true compassion does not mean taking responsibility for other peoples' pain, it means first and foremost, taking responsibility for how we deal with our own.
In the early stages of an anxiety disorder people say, 'This is not me, I am not like this' and in doing so, they negate and invalidate their own suffering and pain. Most people cannot see, let alone acknowledge or appreciate their own strength and courage which has bought them thus far.
The first step in taking back the power means learning to be compassionate toward ourselves. How can people recover when they continually invalidate, mentally abuse and hate themselves? How can people feel true compassion for others if they cannot feel it for themselves? How can they recognise strength and courage in others, when they are not able to see it in themselves?
When we as individuals can begin to be kind to ourselves, when we can feel our own pain and suffering without trying to avoid it, when we can accept, 'I do have an anxiety disorder', and when we accept our own strength and courage, we take back the power.
The other major obstacle, which keeps people disempowered is again related to compassion. While in time people may accept their anxiety disorder and accept their strength and courage, there are so many others things that have to be done before they can concentrate on recovery. Usually the other things are for other people. Recovery can end up on the list of priorities as number 5, or 10 or number 20.
Bringing recovery to number one priority goes against who people think they should be and what they think compassion is. Many give away their power and recovery in the belief they are being selfish in making their recovery number one priority. There is no denying other people can and do get upset when people start to say no and begin to put themselves first. The question of selfishness arises time and time again, not only from people with the disorder, but also from partners, family members and/or friends. But how can caring about, and looking after our own mental health be selfish? Taking back the power means recovery needs to be number one priority.
The question, 'If no one is going to rescue me.....?' , can lead us, sometimes quite dramatically, to the shift in the power base between us and our anxiety disorder. We have the power, it is already there, it is not something we have to manufacture. Recognising and using our power means self responsibility which in turn leads to freedom. Freedom from the disorders and freedom to be who we really are, not who we think we should be. The choice is ours!
This article made me realize that I gave up something that I shouldn't have when I left my former abusive church. I gave up my right "not" to be a victim. I became totally consumed with victimhood, and have been ever since. I constantly put myself down, and I have become passive. I look for ways to find a cure to this madness - when the cure is within me. All I have to do is to decide to stop being a victim. I have known this for some time, but I just never really understood how to get back the power that I gave away to my abuser. My abuser has no right to make me a perpetual victim.
I feel an anger rising inside of me. It's a good, healthy anger. Hopefully it will help me take back the power over my life so that I can stop playing the victim role. It's about time I took my life back from this constant self-pity and passivity. I am not "damaged goods". I want to start enjoying life again, and stop hating myself for things that I was not responsible for.
:cool: