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Voyager
02-02-2005, 10:10 AM
Here is an article that I found very interesting:

Take Back the Power

by Bronwyn Fox

'If no one is going to rescue me........?', is a question from Nathaniel Branden's book ' The Six Pillars of Self Esteem' (1) and is a question we ask in one of our Panic Anxiety Management Follow up Programs. The open ended question is provoking. 'If no one is going to rescue me'..... and take the Disorder away, if there is not going to be a magic answer, a magic pill, a magic cure, and ultimately our recovery is going to be up to us, what then? Answers to the question are always extremely powerful. From outright anger, ' .....(expletive deleted).... that's not fair' to indignation, 'I'll do it myself (that will show them)' to the self empowered, 'I know and I'm doing it'.

Paraphrasing Branden, he is right when he says, 'When the client grasps no one is coming... a 'click' seems to occur in the client's mind and a new forward motion begins.....'(1). And in most instances that 'new forward motion' is power. Personal Power. Resulting in self responsibility, commitment and recovery. Even if the power initially comes from anger or indignation, it can be the first time people actually feel their own strength and determination and it can be the first time they see they actually do have a choice in how they live their lives. In feeling our own power, the power balance between ourselves and our Anxiety Disorder is shifted.

It may seem strange to use the words 'power balance' when talking of anxiety disorders, but the majority of people with an anxiety disorder, give away their personal power, not just to the disorder, but to the myths, stigma, shame and community attitudes about the disorders and mental health generally.

Giving away personal power is not a result of an anxiety disorder, the majority of people with an anxiety disorder have always given away their personal power and in the process have become very passive people. This has enabled them to be the 'strong one' in the family, the person who family, friends and acquaintances turn to (and turn to and turn to! ) whenever there is a problem. The word 'no' is not part of their vocabulary. They are good, kind, caring people who take the responsibility for everyone else. The one person they do not take care of, or are responsible for, is themselves.

The development of the disorders, either gradually or as a powerfully swift and dramatic force, can destroy peoples' lives. As they have never felt their personal power they feel completely powerless to the onslaught of the disorder.

In the past and unfortunately even today, some health practitioners do not have a basic understanding of anxiety disorders, let alone knowledge in the latest treatment methods. The lack of understanding and knowledge by many of the health professions of course adds to the sense of helplessness and confusion people feel. They go to the doctor and/or to their therapist and wait for them to do 'something' to take the disorder away. If the doctor or therapist don't know or has little understanding of anxiety disorders, their assistance is limited and people feel further dis-empowered.

Even though knowledge and understanding of the disorders is now growing and will continue to grow within the health professions, people with an anxiety disorder often unwittingly contribute to the lack of understanding. Not only are they extremely passive, they also need to be perfect. The perfect partner, parent, sibling, employee or employer, friend, acquaintance, and many try to be the perfect patient.

In so many instances people may only tell their doctor one or two symptoms. They may never tell the doctor their full experience, any avoidance behaviour, any alcohol problem or thoughts of suicide, because it doesn't fit in with the image of who people want themselves to be. 'This is not me, I am not like this'.

It is difficult for doctors and therapists to understand and make an appropriate diagnosis if people hold back many of the pertinent facts about what they are experiencing. Not only do they disempower themselves, inadvertently people disempower their doctor who can't fully assist them , because the doctor does not know the whole 'picture'.

One of the first and by far the biggest obstacles to taking back the power is a lack of compassion towards self. True compassion is the recognition, understanding and the ability to fully feel the pain of our own individual suffering without mentally abusing ourselves, 'I am hopeless, stupid, worthless etc' and without the brutal self hatred many people feel. When we can feel our own pain and suffering, without trying to avoid it, we then recognise, at a very deep level, the pain and suffering in others. But true compassion does not mean taking responsibility for other peoples' pain, it means first and foremost, taking responsibility for how we deal with our own.

In the early stages of an anxiety disorder people say, 'This is not me, I am not like this' and in doing so, they negate and invalidate their own suffering and pain. Most people cannot see, let alone acknowledge or appreciate their own strength and courage which has bought them thus far.

The first step in taking back the power means learning to be compassionate toward ourselves. How can people recover when they continually invalidate, mentally abuse and hate themselves? How can people feel true compassion for others if they cannot feel it for themselves? How can they recognise strength and courage in others, when they are not able to see it in themselves?

When we as individuals can begin to be kind to ourselves, when we can feel our own pain and suffering without trying to avoid it, when we can accept, 'I do have an anxiety disorder', and when we accept our own strength and courage, we take back the power.

The other major obstacle, which keeps people disempowered is again related to compassion. While in time people may accept their anxiety disorder and accept their strength and courage, there are so many others things that have to be done before they can concentrate on recovery. Usually the other things are for other people. Recovery can end up on the list of priorities as number 5, or 10 or number 20.

Bringing recovery to number one priority goes against who people think they should be and what they think compassion is. Many give away their power and recovery in the belief they are being selfish in making their recovery number one priority. There is no denying other people can and do get upset when people start to say no and begin to put themselves first. The question of selfishness arises time and time again, not only from people with the disorder, but also from partners, family members and/or friends. But how can caring about, and looking after our own mental health be selfish? Taking back the power means recovery needs to be number one priority.

The question, 'If no one is going to rescue me.....?' , can lead us, sometimes quite dramatically, to the shift in the power base between us and our anxiety disorder. We have the power, it is already there, it is not something we have to manufacture. Recognising and using our power means self responsibility which in turn leads to freedom. Freedom from the disorders and freedom to be who we really are, not who we think we should be. The choice is ours!
This article made me realize that I gave up something that I shouldn't have when I left my former abusive church. I gave up my right "not" to be a victim. I became totally consumed with victimhood, and have been ever since. I constantly put myself down, and I have become passive. I look for ways to find a cure to this madness - when the cure is within me. All I have to do is to decide to stop being a victim. I have known this for some time, but I just never really understood how to get back the power that I gave away to my abuser. My abuser has no right to make me a perpetual victim.

I feel an anger rising inside of me. It's a good, healthy anger. Hopefully it will help me take back the power over my life so that I can stop playing the victim role. It's about time I took my life back from this constant self-pity and passivity. I am not "damaged goods". I want to start enjoying life again, and stop hating myself for things that I was not responsible for.

:cool:

standing still
02-02-2005, 10:49 AM
Great article.

Amen, brother! A church that is part of the denomination where I was most severely abused is paying for me to go to counseling sessions. The counselor who set it up has done no research on the specifics of spiritual abuse, and was telling me I needed a diagosis from a medical doctor, that this was my main problem.

I called her this morning to help further educate her on the effects of spiritual abuse, and related that after I had seen my materials manipulated to be made to look that they belonged to the thief "pastor" claiming credit that it made me fell like I had been stripped naked, raped, and put on the internet myself. The filth and dirt that grits on us after the kind of abuse is sordid.

However, that person will never admit what they did unless they are confronted by evidence that is brought forward. I related to this counselor that my goal was not to destroy the man and his ministry by revealing what he had done, but to expose him to himself which I intend to do. He is blind to the effects on others through his actions, and needs to be accountable.

From the effects this has left on my life and family I have a responsibility to confront the abusers. If not, they just go on thinking that what they did is okay. I have been abusive in my own ways that I was blind to, and boy am I being held accountable. However, within my circle it appears I am the only one being held accountable, and the blame for everything. That's changing as I write this. No more!

This counselor also related how much their church and helped out, and guilt begin to set in. I became angry and peacefully explained to her the anger that was producing, and that in light of what the abuse had stolen from my life, they were not anywhere close to making restitution, and never could.

However, as the article you posted aptly relates until we begin to take these actions we remain immobilized by the actions of others, and the abuse of others continues to have power over us instead of us gaining the power over the abuse. Those people do not care what they actions did.

So, I can wallow in my self pity, or take control of my life. I think we continue to think that those who have abused us are going to come to us in the future, and and seek our forgiveness. Although that might happen in rare instances, it will not in most cases.

For years I have confronted my father, and to this day he has never said he was sorry for anything he did. He never will. He doesn't know how, and doesn't think he should.

I have blamed him for many of my problems, and he is responsible for many things. However, I am the only one that can take back my life. I am 49, and have lived a life of shame, guilt, and self-condemantion. It has to stop now.

Best,
Pal

Voyager
02-02-2005, 10:54 AM
My dad left when I was a one-year-old, and my mom has played the perpetual victim ever since. So, I was raised by a "victim" - that's how I learned to become one. It's almost as if I was programmed to be a victim. That makes it harder to shake off, because everything in me says "play the victim role". But it's time I put a stop to this insanity. It will only make my children become victims too.

:cool:

Voyager
02-02-2005, 11:24 AM
Also, I can tell you that seeing your abuser come to justice does not make you stop becoming a "victim". I played a major part in bringing my former abuser down, which ended in the abusive pastor being deposed and terminated. This act did not make me stop playing the victim role. As happy as I may be that this abuser has been punished, it didn't empower me to take control of my victimization.

It's not an easy task to break out of the victim role once you have been spiritually abused. I was watching a guy speak out on CNN today who had been sexually abused by a Catholic priest. He said that his life was ruined and he could never trust again. It reminded me that unless I take back the power that I gave away to my abuser, I will forever be a victim.

:cool:

standing still
02-02-2005, 11:31 AM
Thanks, that's good to know from someone who has been there, and done that. So, if you were me would you forget about holing him accountable, or move forward as time permits.

Voyager
02-02-2005, 01:29 PM
Thanks, that's good to know from someone who has been there, and done that. So, if you were me would you forget about holing him accountable, or move forward as time permits.
I think it's an individual thing. I wasted a lot of time trying to bring the person down, and was succesful. However, that is a rarity. Most people never see their abuser brought to justice. Even if you do, the abusers still never admit that they abused anyone. So, if you're looking to see the abuser admit to something - I would say it's a lost cause.

:cool:

Pinkie Pie
02-02-2005, 01:32 PM
Voyager,

THANK YOU for these posts. 6 months ago (or even 3 months ago - shoot, even a month ago!) I couldn't have stomached the article. I would have seen myself in the article, but then I would have beat up on myself for the fact that I continue to give away my personal power. But now I read it, and I realize that I am still in a victim mentality, and still giving my personal power away, LONG after my abusive situation ended. But I can read it like reading a medical diagnosis. "Okay, this is what is wrong, and what am I going to do about it?"

Instead of "This is what is wrong. Oh I am a stupid, terrible, failure." It helped me to see there is a difference between support/encouragement, and completely depending on another person for my emotional wellbeing. It's a scary prospect, but now I don't shy away from it. Guess that shows that even though I still have a ways to go in my healing, I am a lot further along than I was!

Katie
02-02-2005, 08:59 PM
Interesting article.

I don't believe that I am expecting a rescue, but I think I have held out hope that wrongs would be made right and that the abusers would be exposed.

I have resented being a victim from the day this happened. It wasn't my choice, and I can't undo what happened. I resent the pity, disgust, and shame in the eyes of those who sit in judgment over me.

I have considered not coming to this board any more. I feel like it reinforces my victimhood-- just another victim, hanging out at the poor victims' site. I don't mean that to put any of you down because you have been kind and welcoming.

If only I could erase this experience from my life, but as the article says, I guess I have to be responsible for my recovery.

Voyager
02-02-2005, 09:58 PM
I have resented being a victim from the day this happened. It wasn't my choice, and I can't undo what happened.
I have felt exactly the same way. We will never be able to change what happened to us. But maybe we can graduate from "victim" to "survivor"? Maybe it's just a different way of looking at what happened to us. Maybe it's allowing ourselves to process the grief, but also being able to recover without classifying ourselves as "victims". The feeling of being a victim is a feeling of hopelessness. On the other hand, the term "survivor" sounds much more hopeful.

:cool:

Voyager
02-02-2005, 11:31 PM
Here's the lyrics of a popular song that seems to sum up the whole victim mentality:

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you

Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

No one ever lies straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy
But I'm not gonna be ok

Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like
What it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked
When you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life
I wonder why this song is so popular? Probably because there are a lot of people who can relate to it. Victimization is a very popular theme in our modern culture.

:cool:

Satscout
02-02-2005, 11:34 PM
I have felt exactly the same way. We will never be able to change what happened to us. But maybe we can graduate from "victim" to "survivor"? Maybe it's just a different way of looking at what happened to us. Maybe it's allowing ourselves to process the grief, but also being able to recover without classifying ourselves as "victims". The feeling of being a victim is a feeling of hopelessness. On the other hand, the term "survivor" sounds much more hopeful.

:cool:

That fits right in line with the article. Just the word "survivor" has en element of empowerment to it.

I hadn't realized how much I clung to the "victim" label - even if I never ever talked about it with anybody - until I started looking for online resources a few years ago to deal with some of the childhood trauma and the known sexual abuse. (It was after that at some point when in desperation I found the NACR forum.) Thinking "I am an abuse survivor" instead of "I am a victim" was a big 180 for me.

I still can't talk about it much, and don't even post about it. What I am certain happened, and what I suspect but still can't remember clearly or confirm, will affect me for the rest of my life. What I can do is turn survival into an art form - that is, be creative about learning from others and applying to my situation, and cling to God instead of my victimhood.

Of course, this is never easy. :( :rolleyes:

"Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow..." is in this song playing on the radio....

Sharon

Voyager
02-02-2005, 11:44 PM
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow..." is in this song playing on the radio....
We need to keep this thread alive. It's too easy to slip into victimhood and cry on each other's shoulders. It feels good for a moment, but then we become disempowered. We slip into negativity that becomes excruciatingly painful. It becomes hard to find our way out. We get stuck in negativity and it rules us.

One of my problems with the whole "be an overcomer" mentality is that this used to be preached at me. I was commanded not to become a "victim". When I left the spiritual abuse, I rebelled against all of the teaching I had ever received - including this. I threw the baby out with the bathwater. I said, "I'll become a victim if I damn well want to!". Looking back, I realize I made a mistake.

Maybe we should form an HABV group? (Humans Against Becoming Victims)

:D

Sheep
02-03-2005, 01:47 PM
I had to ask myself at the onset of my recovery, "Am I a victim or a volunteer?"

Sheep :p

Gary
02-04-2005, 04:13 AM
Hi everyone !
Good thread,it's given me a lot to think about.It does't take me long to realize that if they gave report cards out for taking back the power I'd probably have a good solid D minus about now!
My attempts at confronting my "abusers"were a flop.One(myD.S.)listened,and read,and then was transferred away to a big church about 60 miles from here.
The other,the pastor of my home church,just ignores me and walks away.He's being transferred this June to another church.So there's hope that the next will be different.In introspection I feel that maybe my failures at confrontation come from my "victim" mindset.
Recently I feel like I've made some progress,in that I've come to feel that my feeling victimized might be just some cleverly disguised arrogance(on MY part-not
directing this at anyone else!)After all,didn't Christ tell us that if we followed him
"you will know suffering"?
Why am I surprised at being abused in church?History teaches me that the church was a place where because of what a bishop whispered in the ear of a Roman governing general another church(and it's members) were wiped out.
Popes sent crusaders out five times to the Holy Land to burn,pillage and destroy.
Thousands died in the Inquisition.William Tyndale was first strangled,then burned
in 1536,for the horrible sin of publishing and distributing the New Testament in English!There is definitely a dark and unseemly side to church!But it's still a place
of hope to many-a place where we can go to "not forsake the assembling of ourselves together."It(Church)has to transcend the sins and shortcomings of it's
hierarchy,sheperds and flocks in order to truly be the Bride of Christ.I find myself recently wondering if I'm part of the problem,or part of the solution.Until I go back to my home church and deal with this-I guess I'm part of the problem.I'm tired of my recurring "eye for an eye" mindset--after all,you do that eye for an eye stuff,
and in not long at all-everyone's blind!Thanks to all for letting me vent,ramble,and hopefully grow and heal a little.
Yours in Christ,
Gary

Voyager
02-04-2005, 01:51 PM
I was just thinking about Jim Carrey's mimic of Scotty on Star Trek saying to Captain Kirk, "I just can't do it captain - I doon't have the powuur!"

Click here to hear it and select "open". (http://www.the-earchives.com/wavs/a/acev004.wav)

:cool:

Willow
02-04-2005, 03:36 PM
Good one!
And I was thinking of that song by Snap,
"I've Got the Power!"

Bev
02-04-2005, 06:06 PM
And the amazing thing is, when you begin to heal and become whole, you can look back and you will see that you have always had the power! It never went anywhere, it was always there, you just needed to tap ino it. :o

Willow
02-04-2005, 08:19 PM
Hi Bev!!! Sure is nice to have you back here and posting again :)
Hope you stay around awhile. HUGS

Willow

Voyager
02-05-2005, 08:18 AM
My mom has been a respiratory therapist in a local hospital for 25 years now. Last week she had throat surgery to remove a few lumps in her throat (she's been smoking heavily all her life), and as soon as she got out of surgery she was smoking again! You'd think she'd know better, being a respiratory therapist and seeing the horrific damage that it does to people. But she's always been the perpetual victim and never does anything for herself.

I feel like saying to her, "Mom, for once in your life, make me proud of you and do something for yourself!" She has always let people walk all over her, and then she complains behind their back as if they were the ones at fault. This has made me despise her, because she has tried to project this weakness onto me (although probably unknowingly). I usually stand up for myself, but it does not come naturally. My first reaction is to cave in and play the victim like she does.

I have no idea what made her like this. I try to accept her for who she is, but when I see my brother and his kids pilfer her out of house and home and rob my kids of their grandma, it makes me despise her. Whenever I tell her to stand up for herself, or email her an article on the effects of playing the perpetual victim, she just ignores it.

:cool:

Willow
02-05-2005, 08:28 AM
Hey... I know if you could, you would do it for her. Unfortunately, it's one of those things she has to do for herself. What she is doing is slow suicide. I wonder if this is her intent? I wish I had words to help... I'm here and praying this morning though.

Jerry
02-05-2005, 03:15 PM
My mom has been a respiratory therapist in a local hospital for 25 years now. Last week she had throat surgery to remove a few lumps in her throat (she's been smoking heavily all her life), and as soon as she got out of surgery she was smoking again! You'd think she'd know better, being a respiratory therapist and seeing the horrific damage that it does to people. But she's always been the perpetual victim and never does anything for herself.

I feel like saying to her, "Mom, for once in your life, make me proud of you and do something for yourself!" She has always let people walk all over her, and then she complains behind their back as if they were the ones at fault. This has made me despise her, because she has tried to project this weakness onto me (although probably unknowingly). I usually stand up for myself, but it does not come naturally. My first reaction is to cave in and play the victim like she does.

I have no idea what made her like this. I try to accept her for who she is, but when I see my brother and his kids pilfer her out of house and home and rob my kids of their grandma, it makes me despise her. Whenever I tell her to stand up for herself, or email her an article on the effects of playing the perpetual victim, she just ignores it.

:cool:
Dear Voyager,,,,
Guess what????? I smoke,,,,,and have illness from it like your mom ;) I have "Grandkids",,,,,,,and I love them,,,,,and I hope they never smoke,,,,,,,so,,,,,,,,What about your mom??????
Love Jerry

Willow
02-05-2005, 05:12 PM
Hey Jerry... STOP SMOKING!!!! We want you around for a healthy, long life my bro!

Voyager
02-06-2005, 08:42 AM
Jerry,

It's not so much my mom's smoking that bothers me. It's the fact that she never stands up for herself. I want to take her by the shoulders and shake her and say "Get a backbone!!!". She has always let people walk all over her to the point of bringing her to bankruptcy several times in her life. She won't even go get her car fixed because she is afraid the mechanics will rob her blind because of her gullibility! She simply will not stand up for herself.

On the smoking thing, I just want to tell her "Do something for yourself for a change. Take care of yourself instead of taking care of everyone else."

:cool:

Jerry
02-06-2005, 09:05 AM
Jerry,

It's not so much my mom's smoking that bothers me. It's the fact that she never stands up for herself. I want to take her by the shoulders and shake her and say "Get a backbone!!!". She has always let people walk all over her to the point of bringing her to bankruptcy several times in her life. She won't even go get her car fixed because she is afraid the mechanics will rob her blind because of her gullibility! She simply will not stand up for herself.

On the smoking thing, I just want to tell her "Do something for yourself for a change. Take care of yourself instead of taking care of everyone else."

:cool:
Ah ,,,,,,,I see ;)
Love Jerry,,,,,,,,,(((((Willow)))))