Michael
09-20-2004, 09:29 PM
He was concerned because he hadn't heard from me in many weeks. It was good to be able to be honest with him. I'm starting working the Steps with him again. I'm relieved and concerned. But I believe the fact that he called me was a God thing.
I just read something last night (can't remember where) that talked about faith being the most important thing in our spiritual life. Not holiness, not obedience, not giving, not surrendering, not evangelizing, etc., etc. That made me think about the fact that my faith has grown. Despite the fact that I've really struggled in the past few months, it seems that my faith may have actually grown at the same time I've been relapsing. That's seems counter-intuitive, but I think there's a logical reason.
I've struggled. I've wondered if I'll every really change. I've felt incredibly stupid. All that and much, much more. Yet, even though I've wanted to just quit, I never have. Even though I have binged and relapsed, I have always sensed that God still cared, that He still has had His hand in my life. There have been just enough encouragements, just enough reminders of His love for me, that the fact that these things were still happening when I was wandering, said to me that He remains by my side.
This may all be Discipleship 101, but the lessons have to go through a lot of emotional scar tissue and protective barriers.
God loves me and He is at work teaching me more and more about that love. He is also helping me to see myself more as He sees me. That means an objective, dispassionate view of my sin, an honest view of my weakness and utter need for His grace, mercy, and strength, and also a view of how precious I am to Him. Again last night I came across a reference to the principle that as we draw closer to God, He makes us more and more aware of our sinfulness, but He balances that with a greater and greater understanding and acceptance of His grace. As our sense of need grows, so does our appreciation for His grace. You don't appreciate the sunshine as much if you never see a stormy day, the light and the dark, health and sickness, etc. The principle is so consistently taught by the great men and women of faith who have gone before us. This teaching crosses denomination, high church, low church, fundamentalist and even some progressives.
Enough for now, In His Grace,
Michael
I just read something last night (can't remember where) that talked about faith being the most important thing in our spiritual life. Not holiness, not obedience, not giving, not surrendering, not evangelizing, etc., etc. That made me think about the fact that my faith has grown. Despite the fact that I've really struggled in the past few months, it seems that my faith may have actually grown at the same time I've been relapsing. That's seems counter-intuitive, but I think there's a logical reason.
I've struggled. I've wondered if I'll every really change. I've felt incredibly stupid. All that and much, much more. Yet, even though I've wanted to just quit, I never have. Even though I have binged and relapsed, I have always sensed that God still cared, that He still has had His hand in my life. There have been just enough encouragements, just enough reminders of His love for me, that the fact that these things were still happening when I was wandering, said to me that He remains by my side.
This may all be Discipleship 101, but the lessons have to go through a lot of emotional scar tissue and protective barriers.
God loves me and He is at work teaching me more and more about that love. He is also helping me to see myself more as He sees me. That means an objective, dispassionate view of my sin, an honest view of my weakness and utter need for His grace, mercy, and strength, and also a view of how precious I am to Him. Again last night I came across a reference to the principle that as we draw closer to God, He makes us more and more aware of our sinfulness, but He balances that with a greater and greater understanding and acceptance of His grace. As our sense of need grows, so does our appreciation for His grace. You don't appreciate the sunshine as much if you never see a stormy day, the light and the dark, health and sickness, etc. The principle is so consistently taught by the great men and women of faith who have gone before us. This teaching crosses denomination, high church, low church, fundamentalist and even some progressives.
Enough for now, In His Grace,
Michael