Not Sure where I belong

[Reed]

Hi, this is my first time here and I don't know where I belong. I guess I have two issues.
1. Recovering from sexual abuse (some in the church) and Satanic Ritual Abuse (which a lot of people don't believe).
2. I am also a pastor's wife and former missionary. My husband is "into" transforming congregations - trying to update the churches minstry from a 1950's model to something that communicates to people of the 21st Century.
We are six months into our newest church assignment and getting A LOT OF OPPOSITION. We have been through this twice - last church for 6 years and before that for 7 years. The opposition and "abuse" was so bad at one point that our son who was 16 at the time has not attended church since, not even on Christmas eve with us. He is now 24.
3. Complication: I am currently going through a major depression. Because we moved six months ago, I have lost my local support group and have not been able to form another. The attitudes and worship style of our current church literally sucks the life out of me when I am there. So I tried to attend other places where I can worship and not feel drained afterwards (District Superintendent's advise.) Have only been able to do that twice. So one of the major complaints to the DS has been "His wife isn't involved as much as we wanted and we did, after all, hire them as a team."
I have been working with a christian therapist who was very helpful, but he had a stroke a month ago and no one has any idea when he will be able to come back to work.
So. . . any suggestions of if or where I may fit in will be welcomed.
:confused:

[Savedbygrace]

(((Reed)))

Welcome to the board. Sounds to me like you will fit in here just fine, I am sorry to say. It must be tremendously stressful to be "assigned" to a church where you are experiencing such tremendous opposition. **hugs**

Feel free to share, and listen to the experience, strength and hope of those on this board.

Well, I will try to share more as I am able. My kids are ***driving me CRAZY*** at this moment, and we are on our way ou the door at the moment.

Hoping and praying you will find support and healing here.

In His love,

Trish

[Willow]

Hi Reed,

I'm very very happy you found this place! It's been my haven for many years now. You and your issues certainly do fit on this board. These are not easy issues. Pastor's families can be torn apart by oppositional congregations. My heart is broken for your son. I hope he finds a healthy spiritual community of some sort. I am not sure why the church is so hard on it's people, but I have a suspicion that it has to do with thinking right and wrong is more important than human beings.

I'll stop for now here. People here come from all walks of church life. We are all looking for answers and healing. It's cool to learn from each other.

Willow aka Amy

[Voyager]

Reed,

Hopefully we can be your interim (or permanent) support group. It sounds like you would fit right in here. I can SO relate with your plight. I attended ten different schools growing up because we moved a lot, and six years ago I also lost my church family of 12 years because it became spiritually abusive and we had to escape. So, I know what it feels like to lose all your friends and then trying to make new ones. After several attempts, you just feel like giving up having to prove yourself over and over again - especially if your are facing rejection (which all "new kids" are faced with).

I hope that your depression eases up. Please keep us posted about the condition of your therapist.

:cool:

[Janice]

Welcome to the forum Reed!
Sounds like you fit in perfectly :D

[Katie]

Welcome Reed.

I'm sorry you are going through difficult times.

Have you and your husband discussed your "role" in the ministry? It sounds like the supervisor has already been understanding of allowing you to not be in leadership. I think it would be great if your husband and the district supervisor could clarify that to the congregation so that they would release their expectations and allow you to be in a season of healing rather that demanding more from you.

I hope you are able to find the support you need both locally and on this board.

[magicbear]

Hi Reed!!

I am also a "newbie" and discovered this forum to have several people who are very open caring and friendly!!! I know what u mean about the satanic ritual abuse my mom was a psych nurse in a few major hospitals in california and she had patients who came out of such places and also faced alot of denial and claims that it was all hype and propaganda grrrrrrrrr

I pray you and your family continue to find healing and comfort from God however you can and that this place is a safe haven!!!

peace-Robert

[Jerry]

Dear Reed,,,
I am never real sure if we help,,,,but we can love you ;) WELCOME
Love Jerry

[Gary]

Dear Reed,
I,too,am a newcomer,but sounds like you're in the right place to me.I've been helped by just the small amount of interaction here thus far.Itinerency is enough
to stress the best!The pastor that was at my last charge got so depressed that he drove to the top of the mountain and killed himself.I ended up resigning as a local pastor after encountering entrenched complacency,resistance to change,and downright apostasy.I don't blame the congregations,though.They've been told for years(generations!) that dropping night services,not doing outreach,and pretty much anything else was all right;as long as each congregation coughed up their yearly bucks to the conference!My D.S. considered padlocking one congregation out of their church!He told me maybe doing that-we could wait a year and "get"
a new congregation that would have more money!Needless to say,I've been depressed off and on since my experience.I urge you to continue seeing a counselor,and come here ,too.Welcome!
P.S.:Thanks for the additions to my spiritual first aid kit,y'all!
Yours in Christ,
Gary

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

Well I think it is good youhave joined this forum, if for no other reason than to know you arent alone.

I have a question (and I apologize if you answered it already, my concentration is not the best...) -is your husband supportive of your going to other churches? Would he be willing to move to a church with a different worship style or with other factors that would be more beneficial to you? I know that he might be stuck where he is right now, but what about the future?

Also, what sort of worship style is it and what are you looking for? I for one have had bad experiences with churches that over-emphasize certain spiritual gifts or that speak about politics in the pulpit (beyond simply praying for the nation that is...where I live and where i grew up, it is not uncommon to come out of the store to find that a church has put a 'voting guide' on your car or to hear the attitude that you cannot be a Christian if you are not a Republican).

[Reed]

Beautiful Dreamer
You asked: "-is your husband supportive of your going to other churches?" The answer is yes and no. He understands, but I have only done it twice and then got pressure to come back to our church. Also, we are starting a more contemporary praise band and because I lead the worship before and no one here really understands what we are talking about, he SAYS he isn't pressuring me, but at one point he slipped and said, "This was your idea and if you don't do it everything we've tried to do will far apart." No pressure there! :(
I really think he is trying to help, because there are some nice people in the congregation. Plus, everytime I'm not there everyone asks why.

I have to go now. Will address the worship question later.

Reed