Ellen
08-08-2010, 09:00 PM
So there I was three weeks ago, telling my story about the Journey to Wholeness conference I went to last April (posted on a thread back in April) to a woman at church who is a teacher/elder/leader. Of course, the story can't be told without also indicating that I was in a very dark place going into that conference. As I was relating this information, she turned to me and said, "Pastor ______ thinks you are poison!" I was just stunned - as I always am when someone actually says something so blatant right out loud. It was a surreal moment. I didn't have the presence of mind to inquire if she had actually heard the pastor say this or if it was her interpretation of his attitude/demeanor/comments over the past several years.
I brooded over this comment for three weeks and then finally decided that I would take the bull by the horns and question the pastor. Since he was on his 7 week study month and it had been announced that he would be gone through the middle of August, I sent an email assuming he wouldn't see it until his return. The very next day, I was in the church for a bible study I am doing with a friend and looked up and there he was! He didn't acknowledge my presence at all though he made a point to watch me for a few moments, so I assumed he had received my email.
The next day I received a reply in which he claimed he had NEVER said or thought that about me and he asked why I would attribute such a thing to him. Well, I figure if he's willing to ask, then I'm willing to answer, so I replied and told him that he should know that there is a long history of people in leadership and on staff who have told me that I don't measure up, can't be in leadership, shouldn't involve myself, etc., and in these conversations they either back up their statements by saying he is in agreement, or I would point blank ask them if he was aware that they were having this conversation with me and they would answer in the affirmative.
I also told him that "shit flows down hill and he is at the top of the heap" so when someone on his staff or a lay leader says these things, it only makes sense that he would be aware and involved in such damning declarations.
Further, I reminded him that each time one of these incidents occured, I would send him an email outlining the conversation and asking for clarification, confirmation, explanation, etc., but that he would never respond. I told him this is what is called "tacit agreement." I also pointed out that I have always taken concerns that I have about him directly to him rather than discussing them with anyone else (aside from my husband) and that until now, I have been the only one who has made any attempt to "fix" whatever the problem might be - to preserve unity and to bring restoration (thus insinuating that he has not done so).
So, it will be interesting to see if/how he responds. I tried to be polite and professional in my email, but I was also very pointed. There won't be a whole lot of room for him to "misunderstand" my viewpoint.
I'll keep you posted.
Ellen
I brooded over this comment for three weeks and then finally decided that I would take the bull by the horns and question the pastor. Since he was on his 7 week study month and it had been announced that he would be gone through the middle of August, I sent an email assuming he wouldn't see it until his return. The very next day, I was in the church for a bible study I am doing with a friend and looked up and there he was! He didn't acknowledge my presence at all though he made a point to watch me for a few moments, so I assumed he had received my email.
The next day I received a reply in which he claimed he had NEVER said or thought that about me and he asked why I would attribute such a thing to him. Well, I figure if he's willing to ask, then I'm willing to answer, so I replied and told him that he should know that there is a long history of people in leadership and on staff who have told me that I don't measure up, can't be in leadership, shouldn't involve myself, etc., and in these conversations they either back up their statements by saying he is in agreement, or I would point blank ask them if he was aware that they were having this conversation with me and they would answer in the affirmative.
I also told him that "shit flows down hill and he is at the top of the heap" so when someone on his staff or a lay leader says these things, it only makes sense that he would be aware and involved in such damning declarations.
Further, I reminded him that each time one of these incidents occured, I would send him an email outlining the conversation and asking for clarification, confirmation, explanation, etc., but that he would never respond. I told him this is what is called "tacit agreement." I also pointed out that I have always taken concerns that I have about him directly to him rather than discussing them with anyone else (aside from my husband) and that until now, I have been the only one who has made any attempt to "fix" whatever the problem might be - to preserve unity and to bring restoration (thus insinuating that he has not done so).
So, it will be interesting to see if/how he responds. I tried to be polite and professional in my email, but I was also very pointed. There won't be a whole lot of room for him to "misunderstand" my viewpoint.
I'll keep you posted.
Ellen