Well, here I am.

[Ellen]

I'm sitting in the sanctuary of my church at a "Journey to Wholeness" to conference. It started last night. I am totally unable to stand and sing, to pray, to go forward for prayer . . .

I was hoping for something more - or perhaps less. I don't need to hear that I need to be born again again. I don't need to hear that I need to be baptized in the Holy Spirit again. I don't need to hear how God will only give me a toy pony and not a real pony unless I asked specifically and correctly. I don't need to hear how to "perform" in order to win God's favor and love. I don't need to hear that God's love for me is contingent on what I do. I don't need to hear that God's acceptance of me is contingent on how I behave. I don't need to hear that God is so dependent on my behavior in order for Him to be in a good mood!

All I need to hear is "God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. . . . . "

On and on and on . . .

Ellen

[Honeybee12]

He loves you. He's crazy about you. He just wants to be near you. He just wants to mush on you and love on you. He just wants to take you in His arms and sit with you and hang out and do nothing.

He's the one in power. He's the one on the throne. He's the one who changes us. He's the one who gets the glory. He's the one in control.

We're the little lambs who get lost and He comes to rescue.. while leaving the 99. We're the ones who fall and scrape our knees.. and He's the one who sits us on a chair, bandages our wounds and kisses our heads.

Ellen, I'd say you're certainly dwelling in His presence. Maybe it's cliche.. but didn't Mary sit at His feet while Martha was all kinds of busy? I'd say you're definitely sitting at His feet.

Be encouraged! You just sit and dwell as long as you please, girl.

[Hope 98]

Try watching this - if my link works...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4QUbG2SWF8

[Hope 98]

Just started thinking that if you're NOT hearing what you need to hear, and you are hearing all the crap about performance and ponies and such, leave the vicinity and go someplace where you DO hear

"God loves Ellen - right now - right here - exactly as she is"

I'm praying right now that anyone who needs to hear that can take in enough of it that it ceases to be a belief and becomes KNOWLEDGE!
(yes - I'm talking to myself too)


I'm sitting in the sanctuary of my church at a "Journey to Wholeness" to conference. It started last night. I am totally unable to stand and sing, to pray, to go forward for prayer . . .

I was hoping for something more - or perhaps less. I don't need to hear that I need to be born again again. I don't need to hear that I need to be baptized in the Holy Spirit again. I don't need to hear how God will only give me a toy pony and not a real pony unless I asked specifically and correctly. I don't need to hear how to "perform" in order to win God's favor and love. I don't need to hear that God's love for me is contingent on what I do. I don't need to hear that God's acceptance of me is contingent on how I behave. I don't need to hear that God is so dependent on my behavior in order for Him to be in a good mood!

All I need to hear is "God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. . . . . "

On and on and on . . .

Ellen

[Jerry]

I'm sitting in the sanctuary of my church at a "Journey to Wholeness" to conference. It started last night. I am totally unable to stand and sing, to pray, to go forward for prayer . . .

I was hoping for something more - or perhaps less. I don't need to hear that I need to be born again again. I don't need to hear that I need to be baptized in the Holy Spirit again. I don't need to hear how God will only give me a toy pony and not a real pony unless I asked specifically and correctly. I don't need to hear how to "perform" in order to win God's favor and love. I don't need to hear that God's love for me is contingent on what I do. I don't need to hear that God's acceptance of me is contingent on how I behave. I don't need to hear that God is so dependent on my behavior in order for Him to be in a good mood!

All I need to hear is "God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. . . . . "

On and on and on . . .

Ellen
Dear Sweet Ellen,,,,
Hmmmmm,,,,,,,it seems to me you already have a good idea how God thinks,,,,,,,,,,stop listening to those "experts" ;)
Love Jerry

[Ellen]

Just thought I would send an update of the conference.

As you can see from my first post, I was not at all convinced after the opening session on Thursday night that this was the place for me. It all seemed so trite - starting with accepting Jesus as savior if you hadn't done that yet, to asking to be spirit-filled (not necessarily in a charismatic fashion, but that would have been acceptable). I kept thinking, "Been there, done that and look where it's gotten me."

On Friday morning before the first session I wrote the post below.

One of the first things the speaker said that morning was, "If you don't hear anything else during this conference, you need to hear that God loves you . . . God loves you . . . God loves you . . . God loves you . . .

Not long after that, he was talking about confession and forgiveness and how so many people have been abused in many ways including through the church and that often in those situations their forgiveness is never sought and the church's forgiveness is never extended. I started suspecting that I might get something out of this after all.

On Saturday, they talked about mysogeny (I hope I spelled that correctly) which is the hate of women and how this can impact and wound women so deeply. They gathered all of the men around a cross and then gathered the women in an opposite corner of the sanctuary to pray healing over them. During this time, the female leader told us that we needed to listen to God because He would give some of us a new name. What I heard I just thought, "No, that doesn't really speak to my situation. God isn't really saying anything to me."

At the end of this, she told us that there were Godly men at the front of the sanctuary waiting to give us a Godly touch if we needed it. I nearly ran to the front of the church and the sweetest elderly gentleman hugged me and held me for the longest time and I just wept. Then he told me that I was God's "Beautiful One." This was the name I had heard a few minutes earlier that I didn't realize was for me.

On Saturday afternoon, they had us go to the parking lot to burn sins or things that held on to us that we needed to let go. We had nailed these to a cross all throughout the conference whenever anything was called to mind. After the fire was started, they invited people to share what the Lord was putting on their hearts. When one of the pastors from my church (the senior pastors brother) quoted the "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" I just had to walk away.

I knew this verse wasn't true. Sure, maybe God doesn't condemn us, but people sure do. I went back inside and sat in my little corner of the sanctuary and just wept and wept and wept.

After a short time, everyone else processed in and they were going to serve communion. But first, they asked for people to come forward to share what the Lord had done in their hearts during the conference. After several people shared, I was just propelled out of my seat - like, suddenly I was thinking, "Okay, I guess I'm going to talk about this since I'm walking to the front."

I took the microphone and said, "This is not over for me yet. I cannot approach this communion table. This is my church and when Keith shared the 'no condemnation' verse, I had to walk away because it's not true. There are people here who continue to condemn me. So, what I want to say to you is, if I have ever walked past you and not spoken or not looked at you or not smiled or offended you in any way, please, please forgive me. I have forgiven you, please forgive me."

The woman leader then asked that everyone that was from my church who was there to come forward and lay their hands on me and tell me if they were willing to forgive me. I was surrounded by I would say at least 50 people. After they had spoken and prayed, the leader then asked me if I accept their forgiveness. She even had me said it out loud, "I accept your forgiveness."

When I was ushered out of my seat for communion, the gentleman that ushered me who is an elder in my church said to me, "I forgive you and I need to ask you to forgive me." When I got in line for communion (they had us go forward to the altar) a woman left her place in line, wrapped her arms around me and said, "I have a word for you. You are God's Beautiful Child and he loves you. You need to read the Song of Songs." Then she repeated it.

After I took communion, a prayer leader took me aside and prayed for me. Then she said, "You need to read Song of Songs. You are God's Beautiful One." I swear, none of these people knew what the others had said to me!

I continued to cry pretty much all the way home that evening. After years of feeling that God had turned his face from me, I had heard his voice and the voice of his people speaking healing balm to my soul.

For the first time in longer than I can remember, I was able to close my eyes during prayer in church on Sunday morning. I was able to sing. I was able to read scripture. I was able to truly laught and rejoice. I am reading one chapter of Song of Songs each day. I want it to last.

I know there's a chance that I will have doubt creep in and I will find it hard to remember and trust and accept, but I know now just how powerful God can be in working miracles for me personally.

I hope this is an encouragement to those who read it.

Ellen

[Hope 98]

Wow!

[Reg]

Wonderful Ellen.

Since God is for us who can be against us...really. (Rom 8:31)

1Jo 4:4 ¶ You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.