Unchurched often Christians hurt by the local church - Barna research

[tke316]

http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/12-faithspirituality/362-millions-of-unchurched-adults-are-christians-hurt-by-churches-but-can-be-healed-of-the-pain

I thought I'd alert you all to this research today.

[Reg]

Great article tke316.

It's something I can use.

Thanks.

[Honeybee12]

I read it.. and understood it..

But this part made me feel uncomfortable...

""Citing numerous examples, Mansfield notes that God uses people’s pain – and their own immaturity, in some cases – to reshape us. There is no denying that many churchgoers get wounded by the insensitive or ignorant actions of others in the church. Mansfield points out, though, that those instances are opportunities for us to love others who, like ourselves, are simply “flawed sinners.” Fleeing from the source of pain and suffering, rather than addressing and overcoming it, leaves us wounded and bitter, and does nothing to enhance our lives or those of the people responsible for that suffering.""

Not so sure how to take this.. I fled the source of pain that I'm still healing from. I have worked through forgiveness.. but part of me feels like this quickly typed answer is SO easier said than done.

If I addressed my wounds with the SA church, I would be labeled a backslider or they would say that the devil's got a hold of me.

Does anyone think this is more of a figurative theory... like, addressing things on our own?

I'd love some feedback.

[Ellen]

Fleeing from the source of pain and suffering, rather than addressing and overcoming it, leaves us wounded and bitter, and does nothing to enhance our lives or those of the people responsible for that suffering.""



Would this author (Mansfield) suggest that an abused woman stay in that situation in order to "address and overcome" it? Or to "enhance [the lives] of the people responsible for [her] suffering"? Come on!

How many of us tried to "address" the "source of pain and suffering" only to be made the problem for pointing out the problem? How many of us believed that God is big enough to work all things together for good only to discover that the reality is that those with the right last name, who live in the right neighborhood, who put the right amount of money in the offering plate, and who make the pastor look good are the ones who are acceptable, fit for leadership, most spiritual, and chosen?

I find it most interesting that the article spends so much space promoting a book - seems to me they are more interested in making a buck from book sales than from truly addressing the topic.

For what it's worth . . .
Ellen

[Gayle]

I read it.. and understood it..

But this part made me feel uncomfortable...

""Citing numerous examples, Mansfield notes that God uses people’s pain – and their own immaturity, in some cases – to reshape us. There is no denying that many churchgoers get wounded by the insensitive or ignorant actions of others in the church. Mansfield points out, though, that those instances are opportunities for us to love others who, like ourselves, are simply “flawed sinners.” Fleeing from the source of pain and suffering, rather than addressing and overcoming it, leaves us wounded and bitter, and does nothing to enhance our lives or those of the people responsible for that suffering.""

Not so sure how to take this.. I fled the source of pain that I'm still healing from. I have worked through forgiveness.. but part of me feels like this quickly typed answer is SO easier said than done.

If I addressed my wounds with the SA church, I would be labeled a backslider or they would say that the devil's got a hold of me.

Does anyone think this is more of a figurative theory... like, addressing things on our own?

I'd love some feedback.

I tend to agree with your train of thought, Honeybee. In my experience I did address the issues but while changes were being made, also found it too painful to stay. As I was reading the article had the thought - Remember this is coming from people who encourage institutionalized church. I don't recall the Bible saying anything about institutionalizing Christianity. Not to mention there are many unhappy people who stay even after they're shut down when attempting to address issues. The author didn't mention that. The research could also have indicated what motivates church goers to attend. Such as fear, obedience, appearances, social outlet, worship, gossip, club, reputation/status, stage performance, power, duty, fashion updates...lol Gayle

[ex-shep]

Link is gone.

[Honeybee12]

While I do think the need to forgive is essential for our growth... I woke up this morning thinking about my abusive ex-boyfriends.. friends.. family members..

And I thought, I never tried to reconcile with them because I was able to forgive and let go on my own with God's help.. However, abusive ex-boyfriends and family members.. to me personally.. did not render as much harm as the abusive church did. I was more open and vulnerable with this particular group than anyone I've even been in a relationship with. I mean, I was a weak, wormy, little sponge who tried to do all of it right and listen to all the rules and obey the pastor's wife.

However, this forgiving and letting go of the church abuse has been one of the most difficult, exasperating and spirit-crushing experiences ever. I go back and forth all of the time.. still swinging from one side of 'I hated it there, the people were uptight, rigid and cold' to.. 'Maybe I should go back to see if they still have power over me'.

Also, one thing that came to mind last night.. when I left the church for good.. the pastor, the lead pastor, the man.. never called me to check in to see how I was doing. I guess he wasn't allowed because I was a young female. This confirms something in me I learned from childhood from my father that I'm not THAT important.. I didn't realize this until now, but I'm disappointed.. Disappointed that the lead pastor didn't even call me.. because I always felt a connection with him, he was kind, generous, loving and full of grace.. it was his wife that controlled, 'disciplined', 'corrected', 'rebuked'.. but the pastor was kind.

I'm not against women leading in the church.. however, the pastor is the leader yes? Whether it's a man or a woman? Not sure if the co-leading is necessarily biblical.

Eh.. I'm rambling.

[Jerry]

However, this forgiving and letting go of the church abuse has been one of the most difficult, exasperating and spirit-crushing experiences ever. I go back and forth all of the time.. still swinging from one side of 'I hated it there, the people were uptight, rigid and cold' to.. 'Maybe I should go back to see if they still have power over me'.

Or maybe go back to see if I have somehow gained some power over them ???? Its normal,,,,,,part of the "Vindication" Fantasy ;)

Love Jerry

[Lori]

I read this article the other day and had pretty much the same reaction. That it is so much easier said than done. That said, what I think the author may be saying is that to never go to church again because you have been hurt may not be the best answer. To forgive and move on is maybe healthy? IDK I know that never going to church again was not an option for our family. We love church, the gathering of the brethren, the corporate worship, the opportunity to serve, the good teaching from a "healthy" pastor. I got the feeling that maybe some folks that are Christians but don't go to church were so hurt they just can't anymore. I totally understand that and don't blame any of them. I just pray that eventually, they can heal and find a good healthy church to attend so they aren't just out there alone and struggling. That they don't allow a negative, often HORRIBLE experience to keep them from ever enjoying a healthy church experience again.