One last attempt for reconciliation

[gracefull]

I would like to ask for your opinions and feedback on the following:

There have been a few changes in my former church since my excommunication and shunning 10 years ago.

The so-called "pastor" is now gone, as are some of his deacons. From what I understand, there are two deacons (one with whom I am only barely acquainted, and the other whom I do not know at all) who are taking turns preaching the sermons while they are without a pastor.

I heard one of their recent sermons through a website. It sounded like the preacher was acknowledging that there are and have been some serious issues that have caused ongoing "instability" within their church. (I know I wasn't the only one.) The sermon seemed heartfelt and sincere, and it was basically a call to reconciliation. His sermon was based on Phil. 4: 1-6.

I have prayed for over 10 years that God would make things right. I know that nothing that anyone could do would even come close to repairing the damage to my heart and soul, nor could they in any way even begin to make up for the destruction of my life, or give back the years of my life that they robbed me of. But it would be good to finally have everything out in the open, and perhaps see a little bit of remorse from these people.

I know I'm supposed to forgive, and I've tried and tried. Part of me would like to approach them by letter and offer them one last attempt for things to be made right. Another part of me has just been too deeply wounded to even want to try to deal with these people again. Still, part of me would like to make one last attempt. Only not on their grounds, with them calling the shots, and me sitting there helpless and powerless while they decimate me. Call me naive, but I'd like to think that maybe things have changed enough so that they're not like that now.

I think I'd like to ask them to meet with me and a couple of people from my current church as witnesses, and talk this over in an open and objective manner. I think they'd be less likely to bully me if I had people there to support me.

What do you think? Is it worth the risk?

[Gayle]

Hi Graceful,

I wonder what keeps us trying to find that reconciliation when we were the ones wronged. Not saying you shouldn't go ahead with your plan to seek reconciliation. Do you think the church as a whole are seeking reconciliation with you or is the speaker attempting to encourage some people to see their hurtful ways, perhaps towards reconciliation on their part.

Personally, whenever I initiate reconciliation before the other party recognizes the hurt done, there's usually a "sorry if I hurt you, now we can move on" and sweeping it under the carpet. Its hard to see genuine remorse/apology. Of course we can't decide how the other person will respond.

Would you consider seeking out the person who spoke that message to find out where he was coming from? Maybe you could learn if there is more support from others on this issue. It may be that he finally had the courage to speak out when others around would rather he not. Guess I'd just be cautious if you proceed. It sounds like he could be a safe person to start with. He might be willing to extend an invitation for those that would like to be part of a reconciliation recovery process.
Just a few thoughts....Gayle

[ex-shep]

It is a timely topic. If the other party is in denial or not willing to reconcile, there is not much one can do.

I did have an unusual situation where I lost a friend to an abusive group in 1984. Twenty years, I reach out to her. It took several times before she was ready. It was worth the wait. Today we are the best of friends. It is great to have Tammy back. Tammy has a lot of baggage from her group. Recovery for her has been a snail's pace. I lot of the post group self has emerged.

There are alums from the bible school I left the same year who have some great Facebook friendships. Some actually reached out to me. There are whom we mutually distrust.

The situation involves a former co worker with enough baggage to book a cruise on the Titanic. She, her families are all blind to her acting out behavoir. It is a cult relationship par excelance. What makes this all curious is the Lenten series at her church has been on mercy and reconciliation. There are days I wonder if the priests are preaching to the choir. It feels only the pastoral staff, Shelly, and I are the only one's who seem to get it.

You may find the Imago Dei post helpful as it deals on reconciliation. Personally I would love to buy the author a cup of coffee. It is a most helpful Master's Thesis. I guess the ultimate question there going to be healing or is one going to get a headache from banging his head against the wall from the denial. :eek:

[Ellen]

Hi Graceful,

I wonder what keeps us trying to find that reconciliation when we were the ones wronged. ....Gayle

This has been a huge lesson for me to learn. I have always been the one wanting desperately to have them acknowledge the pain and hurt they deliberately caused but I think I am slowly coming to the realization that this will never happen - especially if I am the one initiating the conversation.

Too often when these sermons are preached, those listening are thinking, "Boy, I wish that other person were here to hear this!" They can't begin to understand that they are the ones who need to take the message to heart. Churches are filled with proud, "I may not be perfect, but I'm better than you" people who rarely get off of their high horse. Point out this problem, and you become the problem.

I have determined that I have done everything I can already to reconcile. I have no regrets with regard to my attempts to right wrongs and seek reconcilliation. If God should bring them to a place of repentance and they approach me, I will be gracious. I am not holding my breath.

Ellen

[Jerry]

Dear Graceful,,,,
Of course the final decision is yours....But after carefully reading your post,I see someone trying to put lipstick on a pig....The problem is even if we are successful ,,,,, it's still a pig ;)

Love Jerry

[ex-shep]

Dear Graceful,,,,
Of course the final decision is yours....But after carefully reading your post,I see someone trying to put lipstick on a pig....The problem is even if we are successful ,,,,, it's still a pig ;)

Love Jerry

so you have to hog up the forum to oink out your point. What a ham.

[Turtle]

Yikes :eek: sounds like we came from the same group.
Hope you family's ok. Mine is reeling.