why do I have to live in the south? Venting!!!!

[Malinda]

I am so frustrated. My husband I can't seem to find a church that fits. Am I expecting too much? It seems like down here in Florida there's a baptist church on every corner and to every 30 Baptist churches there's only one charismatic church. (I just prefer a charismatic church) Half of those charismatic churches are abusive. It seems that my town has a plethora of men on power trips. That or they believe something contrary to what we believe. It's just so frustrating.
The church we were going to was a wonderful church except that no one would talk to us. We weren't building any relationships there. Plus there was absolutely nothing that we could get involved in. Being that I knew so many of the musicians there, (they had left my SA church to go to this new church), I think maybe they felt threatened by me being there. It was strange because the one time it got brought up about me helping out on the praise team, one gal immediately made it clear that there was no room for me up there.
It just makes it difficult when a church doesn't want to utilise the talents they have in the church. As a worship leader it's just weird for me. The last church we were at, as soon as they found out I was a worship leader they tried to plug me in right away. And overly so.
I want a church where my husband and I have friends, our age, and we can connect and plug in. A church where they believe the same things we do. It's not like we believe whacked out doctrines or something! We're normal and it seems like the churches around here aren't! They're either out there in the spiritual ditch with hyped emotionalism with things like prophecy lines, or they're mega traditional. There's no balance!
I'm just so frustrated because I woke up at 5:30 this morning wondering where we'll go to church this morning. I want to belong to a healthy church family. I feel like I'm floundering.
I feel like I have to start a church to get what I want. (One with a coffee shop and a friendly, family like atmosphere, with a great youth and childrens ministry....And an angel food distribution center...with a cool, unchurch like building. And awesome music relevant to today's generation.)
I hate too that at every church I have to critique the music. It drives me nuts when the sound isn't just right and they have the highs on someones mic too high and you hear that psss sound, and a tinniness. Or they have the effects on and everyone sounds like they're in a barrel very far away and there's an echo. That was the last church.
Grrr.... I've researched local churches for hours and I'm tired of searching.
Did anyone experience this same frustration?

[hornblower]

Im sorry Malinda. I hear you on all fronts but as far as my opinion goes what Ive learned and am still learning is that there aint no such place. Not on the earth anyway. Maybe the lesson is its not OUR church. Hard to take I know and I dont like it one bit but on the other hand what the heck was I thinking anyway? That i could control a church? I know neither you nor I wanted that exactly but we do expect something to fit us and maybe you can find close to what you want but probably not.

Its weird my kids have no problem whatsoever with churches at all. Because they were raised in churches, church schools, church everything. I wasnt so I exopected some good ol family stuff. Closeness, trust fellowship prayer when you need it, help in times of trouble, and a place t,o let my talents go free. HA!

Church is disfunctional because people are disfunctional. Its not the building its whats inside.

Im sorry that you are suffering. Im suffering too. Im lonely I want what I want and I cant have it. It hurts.
I had it for awhile I thought? But not really, I went back to a fellowship of my one good church I had attended for so long and to my shock the people there were just as messed up and cold as the other places where I got to hurt, maybe worse by the looks of it.

So why was I happy there? I think it was because of the assistant pastor there, she and I saw eye to eye on just about everything. The pastor wasnt perfect but for the most part we agreed too, he and I. Then I did NOT get inviolved in anything! I just enjoyed the environment of people being allowed to be free. The pastor and asst pastor had the babtism in the HS but the rest of the people there ??????? who knew? Some did some didnt. It was very delicate the balance of it all. When the pastor was removed the whole thing split and it was really ugly bad awful loads of people hurt.

Disfunctional people. Just like everywhere else Ive been.
My husband and I are going to a very nice church here. The music is awesome. Theyll let just about anybody get up on that stage and I know that is true because my daughter who sings off key always is up there still the muisc is so good! There's raising of hands but somehow I dont think its charismatic at all.

I live in Texas and as far as Im concerned this has got to to be the bible hell hole of the world so I hear you about the south. A babtist church or three on every corner.
My husband will NOT get involved at all in church. Id like too so much. Id love to help people and teach beading and a whole flurry of things but nope. My dream is to have a really free healthy bible study in my home a small group. I have a pastors heart.

Where Im at right now? I could care less what happens. I am going on sundays and liking it. The Lord even gave me a vision last Sunday. So the gifts are happening for me once again. Hallelujah!
He spoke to me in a very real way. Did it have anything to do with going to church? I have no idea. I hope not.
I hope right now I have learned to seek peace. Its not easy remaining in that place of peace but I need it I need to want it.

Just my two cents and Im sorry if it hurts I dont ever want to hurt anyone but if you are like me I sure dont want you to get hurt again thats the main thing here. I used to dance. Yep the churches I went to we could dance and I felt such a joy in it I knew it was right and its me and its good and healthy and all of that good stuff. For me it should be that way and it most definitely will be in heaven. I could have it right now alone in my house. You and I know though its not the same thing. The congregating of the saints is a very precious thing.

Its Gods church not mine. I cant make it happen, only He can, its His business not mine. Im just His kid. I need to enjoy that.

[Malinda]

Thanks hornblower...
I don't always mind people dysfunction. It's actually comic relief at times and being that I too have a pastors heart the Lord is constantly helping me to understand people, their dysfunctions and the motivations that drive them.
I just tend to be too trusting and naive at times and that's why I got hurt.

You mentioned the relationship with the pastors and that's why you liked the church you used to go to....
It's not always the music, the programs or the preaching that make you feel connected to a church body. I thinks it's the relationships you build. A pastor once told me it wasn't that one church was better than another (although I certainly think that way) it was you connect with like minded believers.

I guess it's just hard to find like minded believers. People who are just as crazy as you...That's what I miss about my SA church and haven't been able to find since...It's those relationships. Turned out those people cared more for the lie than the truth and didn't care really about me but still...I was connected to them.
You find a church close enough to your belief systems and you connect with the people there and that's what makes it your home church.
I think it sucks when you're always the odd ball.

off subject...the worst church visiting experience is when you go to a small church of less than 100 people and no one, not even the door greeters, shakes your hand or talks to you. You immediately feel like the outcast, like you're not wanted and you want to get out as soon as possible. That's what happened to us last sunday and it sucked!

[Reg]

Thanks hornblower...
....snip.....
You mentioned the relationship with the pastors and that's why you liked the church you used to go to....
It's not always the music, the programs or the preaching that make you feel connected to a church body. I thinks it's the relationships you build. A pastor once told me it wasn't that one church was better than another (although I certainly think that way) it was you connect with like minded believers.

I guess it's just hard to find like minded believers. People who are just as crazy as you...That's what I miss about my SA church and haven't been able to find since...It's those relationships. Turned out those people cared more for the lie than the truth and didn't care really about me but still...I was connected to them.
You find a church close enough to your belief systems and you connect with the people there and that's what makes it your home church.
I think it sucks when you're always the odd ball.

off subject...the worst church visiting experience is when you go to a small church of less than 100 people and no one, not even the door greeters, shakes your hand or talks to you. You immediately feel like the outcast, like you're not wanted and you want to get out as soon as possible. That's what happened to us last sunday and it sucked!
That's unfortunate Malinda. I feel for you.

You hit the nail on the head, it's those relationships with like-minded believers that make it the dynamic living church of God.

My prayer for all of you is that God will lead you to this kind of church. A healthy Bible-believing one with those filled with His Holy Spirit. I have been so blessed to have found one, or should I say, God led me to.

I wish you all could have been at services with me last Sunday. The entire church had a casual fellowship breakfast before services to celebrate our giving of thanks for paying our mortgage off. We started a campaign last Fall "PAID IN FULL" to raise $150,000 to pay it off and release funds for doing more work in our community. It started off slow. I didn't think we would reach that total. As you all know, the recession has hurt a lot of people financially. And our church is composed of regular people, not rich ones. So, I was a bit skeptical. Just before I left for Florida, we actually reached that total. I found it amazing as did a lot of us also. So, when I got back we had this special service to celebrate that. Following the breakfast we had a service of thanks to God and actual burning of our mortgage.

[hornblower]

Once again as of this morning I too would like to vent. It's like ordering at starbucks eh? Could I have a vente? Please? Lol. I feel so very lost most of the time. We are going to a new church and we both love the service. It's short which suits my husband. We can go early which suits my husband cause he can get it over with quickly. Preaching so far has been very charismatic and biblical and very today! Hits you where you need it too. Casual which I love. Jeans, I love that. Coffee bar. This seems to be the going thing now days. I only wish I actually had a friend. So we could vente together? Music is overwhemingly wonderful. Lots of ministries. I love that. And the pastor doesn't appear to be rippin anybody off.
So what's wrong?
My husband won't get involved in small groups. He's terrified. I am the one that should be. I'm the big mouth.
I don't know what to do. It's like going to a birthday party and you can't have any cake.
I could go to the bible study for the women. I've met one of the ladies that goes and that's what scares me is her situation.
This was the SA for me. I care deeply about the word. I seem to always get in trouble about it. I no longer care at all what anyone thinks I just get up and walk out. If it's not free? Adios! When I say free I mean I believe you should be ablebtp say almost anything if you are polite. Caring and kindness are also huge in my book. I can't stand anyone getting shunned or picked on. In that way I am definitely a pastor/prophetic/word person. I so love and have compassion on people and desire to help not telling anyone what to do but listening and praying instead of barking and controlling.
Loving as I do gets me in trouble. I'm scared everywhere now days so now lonliness big time.
They have a 12 step thing I could go there but I'm thinkin at this place there's a lot of druggies. Have nothing against that I mean getting free from that it's just that's not my story.
So Beth Moore bible studies on a film (bore me to death) or 12 step hard core down and dirty. Doesn't sound like there's any place for me. This one lady I met through my husband I like her personality so much but like could you please get your hands off of my husband? You've got your own man and I feel sorry for you but face up girlfriend. I know you guys don't have a clue what I'm saying here about that but I honestly have nothing I'm common with these people to be blunt.... I don't think they are born again at all.
I don't know where I'm at with the lord. I think I need a clearer picture on that. If that makes any sense at all. I'm asking Him to show me. I feel most of the time like I'm so beaten up I need a hospital for saints to get help in. But then maybe this is just where he wants me to be. Maybe I bring something to the table for unbelievers. Maybe God is actually using me sick as I am. All I know is I feel lost and so ver very alone and that makes me scared. Really scared.

[Malinda]

Wow hornblower. I know what you mean!
We too just found a church last week that is exactly like you describe. Coffee shop, multiple services and all. Free gym, and lots of programs. So we'll see how it goes.
I hear ya about the girl thing....I have a good looking husband and stupid girls are always flirting with him and he's clueless. It brings out my catiness and then I resort to dressing up, looking good and strutting my stuff for the competition. Like there is any competition but I just want to make sure she knows where her place is. It's silly what us girls do...Sometimes I have to laugh at myself.
I came up with a plan for getting my hubby involved....I solicited the help of the only couple that we know at this new church. I gave them my husbands cell phone number so the husband can call him and personally invite him to events. My husband is the strong silent type. In fact we played cards this weekend with his brother, sister in law and another couple who we'd never met and the wife asked my husband if he ever talked.
So I'm hoping that will work. I'd be careful not to push on the small group thing. That scares me too. You'd be surprised at what our husbands actually feel, that's unexpressed to us.
My husband just last night said he'd wished my SA Pastor had made a move physically towards me so we could have sued his pants off. He said it with such venom that it surprised me. I didn't think he had that much anger still or ever.
Just a thought but maybe your husband doesn't want to get involved in small groups as a way of keeping you safe. You were hurt that way, so if he doesn't go and it discourages you from going, it keeps you from getting hurt again. My husband is constantly trying to get me to slow down and not jump in at every church we've tried since leaving our SA church.
I know I too so badly want some relationships. I need some gal pals where I can vent and not be judged.
It would be nice to have some friends that understand where you're coming from especially with the whole SA thing.
When a minister asks those who've been hurt by the church to raise their hands, the word "hurt" just doesn't do it justice. How about those who have mortally wounded by the church but are miraculously still alive, raise your hands.
It sure does inhibit us in trusting people and building relationships. Trust sure doesn't come easy.

[Jerry]

.... I don't think they are born again at all.
I don't know where I'm at with the lord. I think I need a clearer picture on that. If that makes any sense at all.

Dear Hornblower,,,,
The whole concept of "Born Again" as taught in most churches today is a radical distortion of the first few verses of the "Gospel of John 3".....In these verses Christ is explaining to Nicodemus how it is that the spirit resides in the flesh.That the "Spirit" and "Flesh" are separate..."Born Again" is a mistranslation,,,,properly translated it is "Borne from Above"....In other words,,,,The "Spirit" is placed by God,,,,,and the "Flesh" gets here like any other flesh "Borne of The Water"(What happens at some point in childbirth ??,,,Her "Water Breaks" ;) If we read further we find that Christ is quite puzzled that being a priest,Nicodemus doesn't know this.......

I sure wish Churches would teach "Truth" instead of a bunch of damn "Fairy Tales" :mad:

Hope this helps Hornblower ;) Love Jerry