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View Full Version : Question.. in need of some advice


Honeybee12
01-18-2010, 08:32 AM
I recently ended going to my therapist. She's a PHD psychologist and not a Christian. It seems when going to her and talking about my spiritually abusive church history, she was very helpful. She'd never counseled anyone in regards to this kind of situation. It was actually new to the both of us.

I have hit some financial hard times and can no longer afford the weekly $40 copay. That's $160 per month! Ouch!

Anyway, I don't want to get too personal.. but she and I differ on the issue pre-marital sex. I don't believe it's right and she believes when it's two consenting adults who care for each other, then it's fine. She has been very helpful in other aspects of my therapy, but this particular subject is one I'm struggling with lately. And it's been really tricky to find out the deeper issues about why it's a struggle for me. I felt we hit a wall last week, and while she didn't want me to compromise on my faith (which I think is really cool) she also felt inadequate giving any advice on the matter.

Was it too hasty for me to leave? I've been told many times that secular counseling can cause problems. I think I've been helped so much by this woman, but since this issue is a big one.. I don't think it's something I necessarily need to actually try to convince her of.. and almost debate a global controversial topic... while trying to get some healing.

I've decided to stop seeing her. It's expensive, but I do know I need therapy.

It's so hard to find a good counselor! Someone who believes but also someone who won't try to just 'pray away' issues and hope that they somehow magically 'disappear'. Since my problems haven't magically disappeared so far, it's obvious that God wants me to work through them and deal with them. Which I'm more than okay with.

Ack!

Ellen
01-18-2010, 09:50 AM
Having never been to a professional counselor, I don't really have any authority to speak on this subject, but I guess I'm just wondering why her opinion or position matters so much? Are counselors there to convince you of their opinions? Are they there to give advice?

When I want advice, I go to a person I already know and trust - and usually it's to get reinforcement for what I already know to be true (unless it's like financial advice - but still, I go to someone I know I can trust because I already have a relationship with them).

I guess I always imagined that if I did go to a professional counselor, it would be to get help figuring out my own situation, not so that they could influence me with their personal thoughts or opinions. I'm not sure that's what counselors should be doing. I would appreciate hearing from others regarding what therapists or counselors boundaries are on this subject.

Ellen

kodee
01-18-2010, 09:17 PM
I see a theripest and understand the money issue, Talk to her and she might be able to offer a reduced rate, mine did. As for your councelor not being a believer, well mine isn't either but she has challenged me on my personal faith on many occasions. I know the truth it just take someone with a different perspective to help me see it. As far as her personal beliefs about pre marital-sex, any good councelor will use your belief systems to help you come to the conclusion that you need. Her beliefs are not important, I would not stop seeing her if she helps you when you need to talk. I really does help for a different set of eyes looking at the problem.

Jerry
01-19-2010, 01:00 PM
Dear Honeybee,,,
The function of a good counselor is to merely hold up a mirror affording you the opportunity to self-annalize your beliefs. Theres something to be said for systematically stating what I believe,,,if for no other reason,,,just so I can break with it ;)

Love Jerry