Facebook

[kodee]

I just was looking at my facebook page, I looked up some of the members of my old church including my old pastor, he dosn't have one but his daughter does. As I looked over her friends I had this overwhelming sence of sadness. I was once part of a whole community of what I thought were believers and now felt afraid of contacting them not knowing where they stand on my divorcing my EX, (Her page was on thier to, Wount go there!) Divorcing really cost me but it was the right thing to do, I can see it and have a clean conscience. Sometimes I question myself that I should have just taken it and "Maned up" but reciently I have been meeting healthy married women and have been listening to how they treat thier husbands, it is so different then the way she treated me. Enough rambling! need to go buy Kodee some hot dogs!

[Malinda]

Over the last two - three months since I've left my abusive church I've been slowly deleting my facebook friends from my old church. The first to go were all the gossipers. Next to go were all the ones who posted about the going ons of the church. Now I only have 3 people left. One hasn't talked to me since before christmas but I'm ok with leaving her on there. We were close once and even though she's probably listened to all the lies of my old Pastors she may need me one day. The last two are a sweet couple who have always minded their own and just loved my family just because. They don't gossip and don't listen to it.
I'm slowly taking my counsellors advice (I sought one when I was first considering leaving) and severing all ties with that church. Seeing or hearing anything about that church just triggers a lot of anxiety.
Don't put yourself through that.
I think sometimes our own curiosity prolongs our pain. Somehow it's always been strangely satisfying to pick at our scabs and watch them ooze all over again. But it always sets back the healing process and helps create a bigger scar.

[kodee]

I changed my settings so that only friends can see my profile because I don't want them to spy on me, it may seem a little paranoid but I would not put it past them. I hear enough rumors as it is now. It just saddens me to see how they all are friends and to be honest it upsets me more to see that the people who to my face were friends but were reporting back to my EX, She still can push my buttons especialy incroaching on what I have left. I have been having nightmares about my Ex reciently and have not been sleeping very well. Need to talk to my councelor next time I see her. I just wish I could just move away and start over. fortunatly I have not seen my Ex for over a year, Just seeing her picture was enough to drudge up some real bad feelings. Well I have to be at work in 7 hours so I'll end.

[Antifanatic]

I am so glad that I found this forum! I have the same exact problem! When I joined Facebook, my brother immediately blasted my presence out there to former church members, which really pissed me off. When I yelled at him about it, he shrugged it off like I was overreacting, when clearly he was the one that overstepped his bounds.

My problem is that I did have a core group of good friends there, it's just that I quit the church not because of them, but because I totally disagree with the church's ideology. I would say that this church is "borderline" cult, because they don't physically take anyone hostage or hurt anyone, but they still do the following things:

use mental manipulation,
ostracize people who speak against it,
believe they are the only true church,
encourage people to volunteer many hours of labor and donate all their earnings,
have a leader whose authority is unchallenged and unquestioned,
have services that can last all day and all night.


Kodee, I agree with what the others said, that you are torturing yourself by letting these people be on your Facebook friends. And thank you also, because you have shown me that I should do the same and delete my friends from the church also. It's just not healthy. I am in a different phase of my life now, so if they are going to be in my life, they have to come to where I am, not vice versa.

[Malinda]

Antifanatic, You don't have to hold someone hostage in order to be considered a cult. I'd say what you described was pretty severe.

[Antifanatic]

It's funny you said that, Malinda, because after I re-read what I posted, it did look pretty severe. What's amazing to me is that this organization has existed for nearly a century and has a following of thousands of people. They also have a lot of money and political power, so I don't think they are going away any time soon.

My mother's grandfather joined when he was a young man, and he raised all his kids in it, who in turn raised their descendants in it. My father's grandfather also joined when he was young and raised all his kids in it. So there are several generations of my family entrenched in it. I left along with some of my cousins, but everyone in my immediate family is still in it. In my opinion, they are all mental slaves, and there is nothing I can do about it. When I think about it for too long, my head just starts to hurt, and this is even after having quit the church 17 years ago.

If there is a silver lining in this, it is the fact that through doing my genealogy I found a branch of long-lost relatives that had broken away from the family years ago, so Facebook is not completely bad. I was able to reconnect with family that are not connected to the church, and was astonished to see just how similar we are, even though we are a couple of generations removed. In this I have found the God of my own understanding. :)