Just Sharing... Suggestions Welcome

[SueJean]

Hi yinz guys. Well, the Pens haven't lost it all yet. Anyway... I saw my counselor today. She understands that I just cannot walk away from gathering together with like-minded believers...um, church. Sooo, she suggested that I consider asking my pastor for help, suggestions, etc. I shared this w/ my hubby. He said that we already tried that. The pastor will ask, "What suggestions do you have?" An honest question. As a result, my hubby is working the sound board, on a lawn cutting crew, as well as doing odds and ends around the building. I, on the other hand, am warming the pew. I'm not doing that well...just sitting. sigh. Sooooo, I guess what I am wanting from yinz guys is this: What can I give as suggestions? Seriously, now. What? Teaching SS to children is not what I'm interested in at the moment. I enjoy interpretive movement--that's litergical dance for some who may be wondering. I enjoy drama, clown, mime, sketch writing...getting the creative juices flowing. It's just not happening there. Soooooo, suggestions? Please???

[simka2]

You sound very artisitc! We have artisits painting and such during the worship service...

At this time of year when we were doing childrens/youth ministry we would be picking out our Christmas musical/drama. Yes we start in the summer. By august we have it pick and the leaders reqruited...then in sept auditions start...practices...and fianlly the show! It's a ton of fun...but a lot of work :)

Just some ideas!

[dougjb]

Hi SueJean,

Sometimes the best thing to do is just write down all the things you like to do and do that. If there is not a ministry that fits, then start something new at a place that will workout for you. Do not limit your options, there world is a big place.

dougjb
some food for thought

[JaniceB]

Hi SueJean,

Do not limit your options, there world is a big place.


I have to agree. The world is a big place and gathering with other Christians doesn't have to be church as we know it. I belong to a group of Christian ladies who knit prayer shawls for other women who are having difficulties in their lives. We also make hats and scarves and stuff for the rescue mission.

[ex-shep]

I can relate to the frustration. I have to encourage my wife the same thing. My experience is one is willing, the Lord will provide a niche. That has pretty much been a slam dunk.

[Anna Marta]

I, on the other hand, am warming the pew. I'm not doing that well...just sitting. sigh. Sooooo, I guess what I am wanting from yinz guys is this: What can I give as suggestions? Seriously, now. What?

My suggestions would depend on your experience with this pastor and leadership. If you have tried and been turned down, or have not been invited to participate in areas of your expertise... "you may not be the problem." :cool:

Your situation reminds me of "mine"! I had nearly the same kind of experience in the last church we attended. My husband was doing the sound board, working with the computer system and on the worship team playing bass guitar.

I was warming the pew... I thought something was wrong with me! -In an effort to give the pastor an idea of my talents and abilities so he could decide where I could be of use, I gave him what I called my spiritual resumé - a list of things I have done in churches throughout my life. Time went by and I was not invited to do anything. :( I made some suggestions and received reasons for why each one was not possible or the time wasn't right yet, after 2 years they came to nothing... :( I was told to stop allowing people to come to me to talk and pray. Finally, it became clear that I was never going to be ready or invited or given an invitation to be a part of anything - other than sitting in the pew listening to pastoral complaints about how there are not enough people doing the work. I examined my personality and age and everything else looking for what was wrong with me. I was reduced from an outgoing, loving person who enjoyed serving and helping people to a depressed older lady who became convinced she was no longer of any use. The road back has been hard and painful. I too ended up in counseling questioning my worth and value to not only the church, but to God Himself!

Try to discover Sue Jean who really has the problem and needs couseling. We ended up in counseling because someone else had a personality disorder.

AM

[SueJean]

AM, thank you for your words of wisdom. I'll reread them. I'm meeting with the pasotr June 23. This, for me, is my last ditch effort at this particular place. He told me that he'd read the two books that I recommened nearly four years ago when we began attending there: The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse and Toxic Faith.

[Anna Marta]

Good luck. If he is an abuser, remember nothing you do is going to change him or the situation. I will pray that you will have the discernment to not own a problem that is not yours. If he makes excuses instead of dealing with specific issues or talks in rings avoiding giving you the answers you need - well, to save yourself you may have to go.

Whatever happens, I will support you and continue to care. This is a HARD time for you.

AM

[SueJean]

I'm glad that I have this place to come to be able to share. Regarding this pastor, he's laid back. The congregation, though...there just seems to be something the matter. I'm telling myself that I am not responsible for changing others or pointing out to others areas that I think (emphasize what I think) needs to be changed. I have to be careful there...way too easy for me to fall back into that. I shared w/my husband that I'll meet with the pastor and take notes. Then, I'll share w/my hubby what I think about what I'm going to do. Is the Bipolar Disorder playing a role? Probably. I'm on a med -- 20 mg Geodon. My hubby and I have both discussed what we have observed since we've been attending these 4 yrs. It's more the congregation. Brief story--the former pastor of at least 15 yrs felt the call to the mission field. The congregation put out a call for a new pastor. And, that's how they got this new pastor. I understand that he's way different from their former pastor...who they'd rather have. He was a dynamic and charasmatic preacher/teacher!!! Pulled in the people!!! This pastor, as I stated, is laid back. He wants the congregation to become involved and to reach out to new people such as ourselves. I do not see that happening, even though I know that I'm not my usual bubbling, fun-loving, "so glad to see you!" self since leaving the SA group. I'll keep you all informed after my meeting June 23. I'll run past you some things that perhaps I'm missing. I know that I'm being gun-shy to say the very least; however, this congregation is cold. There. I said it.

[Anna Marta]

Regarding this pastor, he's laid back. The congregation, though...there just seems to be something the matter.
Is the Bipolar Disorder playing a role? Probably.
My hubby and I have both discussed what we have observed since we've been attending these 4 yrs.
It's more the congregation.
...he's way different from their former pastor...who they'd rather have.



He wants the congregation to become involved and to reach out to new people such as ourselves.I know that I'm being gun-shy
...however, this congregation is cold.

You seem to be a discerning person. Your description gives a clearer picture of the situation.

YOu remind me of an important issue - that a congregation can be THE abuser of a pastor! There are more truly good pastors, than we would like to even think about, who have been destroyed and forced to leave the ministry because of abusive group behavior. I cannot imagine a worse situation than being a leader in an abusive congregation that eats away at one's self esteem, calling and even faith in God and His church.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that this new pastor may very possibly be in a "no win" situation and suffering himself with how to get the congregation to turn... That being said, maybe he is gun-shy and wary of just about everyone? Has he been fooled, betrayed or isolated in ways that he finds difficult to explain? These are important thoughts when evaluating his situation. What I mean to say is that he may not be "an enemy, but a fellow sufferer" who is duty bound to keep his situation private.

If I have added additional confusion, I apologize. I wanted to share my thoughts as you add new angles to the existing situation.

Hugs
AM

[SueJean]

Hi AM,
My hubby and I have met w/both the pastor and his wife. They've shared with us their painful past at the hands of an abusive pastor. Now... w/ this congregation, they've asked us what we've observed and we told them: There's something the matter here. Hmmm, I'm feeling a little more hopeful, since reading your last post, for my June 23 meeting with the pastor. As for the congregation... sigh.... One day at a time. Need to remember... one day at a time. Thanks, AM, for taking the time to help me think things through. You're a sweetie. :)

[Hope 98]

I just wanted to second the remark that sometimes a congregation can abuse a pastor. More likely, a small elite group within the congregation can make a pastor's life miserable.

You have probably assessed the situation correctly - there is something wrong with at least a part of the congregation. I suspect you can develop a good relationship with the pastor, and he probably would be blessed by your support. You just don't need to make that particular congregation your "home church". I believe that the pastor would understand if you chose to go elsewhere.

[SueJean]

Thanks, Hope. That is how we assess the situation. An elite group within the congregation has control. Scary for me. I'm going to read what I've found on this site...some of the recovery resources. I want to grow; I want my life back...a life, anyway...not the one that I came from...just to be able to enjoy even being with other Christians, sing again without feeling ill; listen to messages without being soooooooo critical; listen to the Holy Scriptures being read no matter what version is read; be able to be pleasant again. I so identify with the lead character from The Shack: I am very aware of "The Great Sadness" that surrounds me. It's like a cloak that has me enveloped. Soooo, as I already wrote, I'll read so I can learn and then put it into practice :)

[JaniceB]

You remind me of an important issue - that a congregation can be THE abuser of a pastor!

So true! Or as Hope 98 said a small elite group--usually with more money than other members--can be the abusers. When they abuse the pastor they abuse the rest of the congregation as well. Jesus talked about false shepherds who come in a injure and scatter the sheep and it is sooo real.

That has happened twice in my life. The second time was recently. A wealthy--relatively--man made the pastor's life so miserable he just quit. The bishop won't let him have another church in the area because he doesn't want his previous church to split. Since the pastor's kids are in college in the area he's staying, his wife is working, and he's filling a pulpit in a tiny town about 25 miles from us but we've started driving up there on Sundays because he's such a blessing.

He's a truly good and loving man who didn't hold the same opinions or something, we never found out, as the "rich" guy who ran him off. I still consider him my pastor and it does my heart good to go up, up, up into the Cascades to hear him.

[ex-shep]

[/LIST]
You seem to be a discerning person. Your description gives a clearer picture of the situation.

YOu remind me of an important issue - that a congregation can be THE abuser of a pastor! There are more truly good pastors, than we would like to even think about, who have been destroyed and forced to leave the ministry because of abusive group behavior. I cannot imagine a worse situation than being a leader in an abusive congregation that eats away at one's self esteem, calling and even faith in God and His church.

I may be wrong, but it seems to me that this new pastor may very possibly be in a "no win" situation and suffering himself with how to get the congregation to turn... That being said, maybe he is gun-shy and wary of just about everyone? Has he been fooled, betrayed or isolated in ways that he finds difficult to explain? These are important thoughts when evaluating his situation. What I mean to say is that he may not be "an enemy, but a fellow sufferer" who is duty bound to keep his situation private.

If I have added additional confusion, I apologize. I wanted to share my thoughts as you add new angles to the existing situation.

Hugs
AM

I had that situation in a mainline protestant church. The pastors and music director had free reign to preach and perform. The senior pastor was a man of incredible wisdom. It the elders who ran things. I did not discover it until the new members class. My stomach turned the morning of Sunday service. We walked out and never came back.