Dumby me...

[SueJean]

Ran into a woman from the SA group my family & I had been part of. Talked w/her for two hours. I did the talking...who didn't know that? Ohhh, I am sooooooooo upset w/myself. There I go attempting to defend myself again. Ohhhhh mud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, when my hubby and I attended midweek service at the church we're attending now, I lost my cool. Ohhhhhhh mud!!! I could just scream!!!!!!! I soooooo want to move; however (ahhh, the however clause), we're unwilling to move away from our children and grandchildren. I already know that even if we did move, that my thinking/ problems, etc would still follow. I understand and get that. I understand why people move away and don't return phone calls or answer letters. I get it. New beginnings. Sorry I'm venting, yinz guys (that's Pittsburghese for the plural you, for anyone who's interested an' 'at). I've already gone through the litany of: I should haves or Why didn't I or I could haves. sigh. What's done is done. Vomit mouth here. Ohhhhh mud!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drat, drat, drat!!!! My dear hubby, when I apologized to him on our ride home, commented that at least I didn't swear and that he's heard worse come out of my mouth. ha ha ha (I'm not really laughing, you understand, I hope). Well, I'll attend two meetings today (Thursday): 10am and 8 pm.

[dougjb]

Hi SueJean,
Don't apologize for venting here, this is the place for venting - go girl and vent.:cool:

dougjb
some food for thought

[SueJean]

Thanks so much. I'm in tears...I really am. My oldest daughter Joane's baby is due and who do I have to share the news with? Now I'm crying again. Years ago, my counselor, Dr. Doug, did his best to encourage me to expand my tentpegs. I didn't understand; I do now. At age 60, I'm having a much more difficult time in getting a friendship...oh, who's kidding who? I do not trust people, let alone trust GOD. I am scared to take that risk again. Ohhhh mud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[simka2]

I understand...and it is scary! Trust is very difficult to build. I'm glad you get to come here and vent! Don't feel bad about it at all!

[Anna Marta]

Boy do I understand!

No you are not a dumby, you are a gal doing the best she can with what she has, where she is. The feeling of aloneness is hard.

Funny how God gives us hints about stuff and we just don't "get it" at the time. I am referring to your tentpegs. Have had the same kind of thing.

It has take me years :cool: and finally just this past autumn I made up my mind to take a chance and went to a class to learn something new. I am 62 and I met some nice ladies. I haven't exactly made a friend, but I did discover I could be around new people and enjoy myself. Will try again this fall, many of the same gals will be there.

Take is slow... and take it easy...

AM

[SueJean]

Oh Anna Marie, thanks for the gentle words of encouragement. I did attend my 12 Step meeting at 10am. I'm attending another one at 8pm. I spoke w/ a couple of ladies following the meeting; they were also gentle and passed no condemnation on me. Ohhhh joy!
I shared w/ my oldest daughter Joane that I'd run into & talked w/ this woman. She thinks that it will probably be okay. I don't have that kind of trust in anyone from the cult. "Why did you talk w/ her, then?" My dau asked. I shrugged and said, "Because. I can't seem to just say, 'Hi and good-bye' when I run into someone from there who's not a part of the leadership, anyway. I'm breathing. I'll definitely go to Curves tomorrow morning. Oh yes. It's better than nothing, as I found out. Ouch!!! I gained 10 lbs in two yrs from being inactive. sigh. I feel like a cow. Mooooooo!!!

[SueJean]

Hey, Anna Marta, I tried to edit my post to correct your lovely name. Sorry 'bout that.

[luttrell03]

Ran into a woman from the SA group my family & I had been part of. Talked w/her for two hours. I did the talking...who didn't know that? Ohhh, I am sooooooooo upset w/myself. There I go attempting to defend myself again. Ohhhhh mud!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, when my hubby and I attended midweek service at the church we're attending now, I lost my cool. Ohhhhhhh mud!!! I could just scream!!!!!!! I soooooo want to move; however (ahhh, the however clause), we're unwilling to move away from our children and grandchildren. I already know that even if we did move, that my thinking/ problems, etc would still follow. I understand and get that. I understand why people move away and don't return phone calls or answer letters. I get it. New beginnings. Sorry I'm venting, yinz guys (that's Pittsburghese for the plural you, for anyone who's interested an' 'at). I've already gone through the litany of: I should haves or Why didn't I or I could haves. sigh. What's done is done. Vomit mouth here. Ohhhhh mud!!!!!!!!!!!!! Drat, drat, drat!!!! My dear hubby, when I apologized to him on our ride home, commented that at least I didn't swear and that he's heard worse come out of my mouth. ha ha ha (I'm not really laughing, you understand, I hope). Well, I'll attend two meetings today (Thursday): 10am and 8 pm.

I know that feeling of sensing you're trapped and wishing you could fly away like a bird.....I think DAvid said that also in a pslam. Sometimes the connections were soo long it seems that you can't go far without something reminding you of what you're trying to forget.
I think yu were just trying to get some understanding about how you felt which is a normal reaction when you've been hurt. The fact that you're concerned that you might of hurt someone shows that that's all you wanted...to be understood a bit....not cause a church riot or something. If only some leaders had that kind of sensitivity to others.

[SueJean]

Ya got that correct about church leaders being sensitive...hmmm, like Jesus? Whattaya think, an' 'at, yinz guys? My husband told me that he hopes she did tell the Four--male & female pastors as well as the male & female elders-- what I said. Oh, I do not regret anything that I said to this woman. I just regret that I said anything. Does that make sense?

[luttrell03]

Ya got that correct about church leaders being sensitive...hmmm, like Jesus? Whattaya think, an' 'at, yinz guys? My husband told me that he hopes she did tell the Four--male & female pastors as well as the male & female elders-- what I said. Oh, I do not regret anything that I said to this woman. I just regret that I said anything. Does that make sense?

Yes, I do. That happens to me regularly. Know that one.

[Jerry]

The tough part is that we need others to be fully human.If I don't share my love,joy,pain,hopes,dreams with others,then of what use am I to myself ?????

Love Jerry

[Anna Marta]

Ouch!!! I gained 10 lbs in two yrs from being inactive. sigh. I feel like a cow. Mooooooo!!!

Dear SueJean,

From one cow to another, we share something else too. I think there must be 2 different kinds of bodily reactions to abuse - those who do not feel like eating and do even more to forget and lose weight & "us" who eat for comfort, do less and gain weight. It's a poop situation - you don't feel bad enough and here comes the extra pounds that sink the self-esteem level even lower! (my grandchildren like cuddling up to my softness - boney grandmoms are hard to cuddle with- so they tell me :D:D:D)

Being over 60 doesn't help either! :mad: I don't feel old or look old or talk old or act old, but my body reminds me that I am well over the halfway mark when it comes to "this world" ... ;)

Hugs,

[Jerry]

Sometimes we think that we'll never get through to people.....I think that we forget that many don't want to receive the truth but rather have their own agenda..........Example; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQHrspjw4aA


Love Jerry

[SueJean]

Ohhhhh, thank you. Sometimes I think that there's something wrong w/ me that I run at the mouth when I see anyone from the cult. Fortunately, oh am I glad about this, it's been few and far between in the four years that I walked outta that (I'm thinking of an adjective that best describes it and still be nice) brick structure. (There. That's the nicest thing that I can say at the moment) My husband is so regretting that he made me stay. He "gets it" now and how. He tells me that he prays almost every day that I become friends with a lady or two or three or more. Real friends, you know what I'm talking about? Someone to call at the last minute to come over for a cup of tea. Even with the 12 step meetings, I keep people at arm's length. Ohhh, mud!!!!!!!