Bad Night!!! :(

[simka2]

As many of you know...even though we have been thru a horrible situation...we still serve as unpaid staff pastors @ a church.

I do OK with this...mostly it's small group stuff and special events.

Husband also is the fill in preacher when our pastor goes out of town or gets sick.

Last night the young adults wanted to do a prayer night...they pretty much put the whole thing together :) and ran with it!!! I came and set up some snacks...made them my famous berry lemonade...and ran for the hills!

I couldn't stay! For some reason I couldn't be a part of a prayer group!!!! I felt so guilty...I was so proud of them...but I couldn't participate:(

DH and I have been doing pretty well...but I've begun to have an inclineing that He would like to go back to full time minstry...He would be great!!!!

I don't want to go!!!! I just don't!!! Whats hard is that if anyone was "called" he is...kind, gentle, humble, now add wiser, stronger! I feel like I'm holding him back...like maybe he would be better off with someone not so traumatized by the church :(

We fought over it last night...going back has become my biggest fear...and its what he wants to do. I don't want him to resent me...to feel that he has to give up on his dreams because of me. When we married he thought he was getting someone who wanted to be in ministry...and I did...but not anymore.

Were going to meet for lunch today to talk...

[JaniceB]

Oh, my! I'm sorry that was so painful. It is real pain, you know, and most of us on this forum can appreciate it because we've been hurt by it.

Tell me, if you had both been hit by a truck and you sustained different injuries from his and you weren't healing in the same way would he expect you to jump back into your old activities? Wouldn't he cover for you doing things like housework and laundry and whatever else?

Okay, why not prayer meeting too? Prayer is very intimate and it's supposed to be. To honestly pray with others requires trust for those others. Your "truster" is still broken and it needs to heal. Give it time and let those you already trust know that.

[beginagainrose]

Simka... My husband and I have gone thru a very similar process. I told him and I would encourage you... I believe that (and have heard this taught) that when God calls a man, He is faithful to also call the wife; perhaps the "witness of two" applies here) So, my encouragement to your husband would be to live with you with understanding as the Word instructs and prayerfully wait for the Lord to make His 2nd calling sure to you. I would say dont get yourself under a burden of false guilt. You matter to God... He is perfectly capable of making and/or confirming His will to you. You are His sheep. You know His voice... wait for it. I believe your lack of certainty is evidence of God's "wait...not yet... or perhaps...not at all". Praying for you both.:)

[Jerry]

Dear Simka,,,
A time to every purpose under Heaven ;) There is a time to "make" things happen,and a time to "let" things happen........

Love Jerry

[simka2]

Lunch with hubby went okay. He apologized for the argument we had last night. Found out his work enviroment is a bit hostile right now with alot of blame shifting going on...I think it became tempting to think that it at least couldn't be worse in the church...LOL...we had a little talk about that concept!

But I feel for the stress he's under...and then awhile later...I realized it wouldn't be the end of the world for me...granted I don't want to go back to the same situation...but it wouldn't be...plus if it helps my honey decompress by playing with the idea...I'm okay with that. Also if it is meant to happen it will and if its not then this will juist be a coping skill!!!!

So...I'm much calmer now :)

[Hope 98]

Simka - it sure sounds like you & your husband have mastered some great communication techniques!

I admire you both!

[luttrell03]

Lunch with hubby went okay. He apologized for the argument we had last night. Found out his work enviroment is a bit hostile right now with alot of blame shifting going on...I think it became tempting to think that it at least couldn't be worse in the church...LOL...we had a little talk about that concept!

But I feel for the stress he's under...and then awhile later...I realized it wouldn't be the end of the world for me...granted I don't want to go back to the same situation...but it wouldn't be...plus if it helps my honey decompress by playing with the idea...I'm okay with that. Also if it is meant to happen it will and if its not then this will juist be a coping skill!!!!

So...I'm much calmer now :)

Good to hear Simka. I'm glad you don't have the added burden to hurry up and get over your situation. Re-trust just takes time and as we're learning, only God can put a time table on that.

[Carmen]

He needs to understand that healing your feelings in this is not just like turning a lightbulb on and off. If there were that kind of a solution somebody would have packaged and marketed it long ago. If he loves you as Christ loves the Church he will be understanding of your situation. From what you write he does sound understanding, it seems encouraging to me. :)

[simka2]

I'm warming up to the idea! But we've found a decent compromise in that he may look for a bi-vocational position...similar to what we have now except not as staff pastors but lead pastors. We'll see...if it's meant to it will happen...if not I'm okay :)

Sometimes I wonder who would want a couple of non-controlling, grace based, shepherds...I say that because when you begin to look there are a whole lot of program driven churches out there :)

[beginagainrose]

non-controlling, grace-based shepherds...:eek: ... is that an oxymoron!?:D

[simka2]

Sometimes I wonder!!!!!!:D