beginagainrose
05-15-2009, 07:26 AM
I recently posted a thread about finally overcoming my pastor's abuse in that I no longer found myself reacting in pain or anger nor even the lingering sadness that is one of the final stages of grief.
Then a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across a site called audiosermon.com and found over a hundred sermons by my SA pastor. As I looked at the dates, I realized one particular sermon was preached just days after I had emailed my pastor (2 yrs ago) asking for a meeting to discuss what happened for the purpose of moving toward forgiveness and reconcilliation, which he had declined. (You may recall my posting about this some time back; I had gone to the National Day of Prayer breakfast after he refused and found he had been chosen as the pastor for the city that was to read a public apology for all people the pastors of our city had ever wounded or offended! so, in effect, God made him apologize to my face anyway!)
So, of course, I listen to the sermon. It was a sermon on Nehemiah rebuilding the wall and Sennacarib's letter inviting him to come down for a meeting. He said, "I just got an email like that this week"... and then, though he did not mention me my name railed against me and his refusing to "bury the hatchet". It was beyond overwhelming. It was worse than any of the tiraids against me from the pupit during our abuse while we were still allowed to attend. He was actually ranting furiously and shouted "No WAY, baby!" he said it took a courageous leader to say no, that there was something sinister about the invitation; perhaps even a threat on his life (that was done to me NOT him!). He said his enemy was a slandering liar and had made up things in his own head and that people should not believe anything they heard, In fact, it was all just gossip. He said there was a false prophetess involved trying to use fear to intimate him. (He did that with the police dept against me!) and he said, the letter was just a scam... like emails we get on the internet, but that there was more at stake than personal safety: Vengence belongs to God and if people say they are without sin (they told us that after all they had done: "How have we sinned?), that person is calling God a liar! (He just did!)
I sat sobbing and stunned as I finished listening and am only now able to post about this. There is no defending against public ridicule... not to mention this was 2 yrs ago now. I did take good notes... my one comfort is...so did the Lord. But the biggest pain and disappointment was that I found myself NOT over it!
We are scheduled to leave this city the first week of June... should be interesting to see what that feels like!
Then a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across a site called audiosermon.com and found over a hundred sermons by my SA pastor. As I looked at the dates, I realized one particular sermon was preached just days after I had emailed my pastor (2 yrs ago) asking for a meeting to discuss what happened for the purpose of moving toward forgiveness and reconcilliation, which he had declined. (You may recall my posting about this some time back; I had gone to the National Day of Prayer breakfast after he refused and found he had been chosen as the pastor for the city that was to read a public apology for all people the pastors of our city had ever wounded or offended! so, in effect, God made him apologize to my face anyway!)
So, of course, I listen to the sermon. It was a sermon on Nehemiah rebuilding the wall and Sennacarib's letter inviting him to come down for a meeting. He said, "I just got an email like that this week"... and then, though he did not mention me my name railed against me and his refusing to "bury the hatchet". It was beyond overwhelming. It was worse than any of the tiraids against me from the pupit during our abuse while we were still allowed to attend. He was actually ranting furiously and shouted "No WAY, baby!" he said it took a courageous leader to say no, that there was something sinister about the invitation; perhaps even a threat on his life (that was done to me NOT him!). He said his enemy was a slandering liar and had made up things in his own head and that people should not believe anything they heard, In fact, it was all just gossip. He said there was a false prophetess involved trying to use fear to intimate him. (He did that with the police dept against me!) and he said, the letter was just a scam... like emails we get on the internet, but that there was more at stake than personal safety: Vengence belongs to God and if people say they are without sin (they told us that after all they had done: "How have we sinned?), that person is calling God a liar! (He just did!)
I sat sobbing and stunned as I finished listening and am only now able to post about this. There is no defending against public ridicule... not to mention this was 2 yrs ago now. I did take good notes... my one comfort is...so did the Lord. But the biggest pain and disappointment was that I found myself NOT over it!
We are scheduled to leave this city the first week of June... should be interesting to see what that feels like!