Is Ameen Welcome Here?

[Voyager]

I saw this post by Ameen on a different thread:

(O.K., this is really the last post. I know I said that before, but I cannot be silent when someone is in pain.)

Ameen, it's obvious that you want to be here, but you are worried that people will reject you.

I know the feeling. I am walking on eggshells here too. But I feel like if people itinitally welcomed us here, then that welcome has not been worn out until they tell us it is.

Ameen, I think you helped some of us see our humanity. You helped us see that none of us are perfect. Some of us (including myself) had learned to just hide our imperfections behind religion and self righteousness. You stripped away the religious plastic, and blatantly said, "Here I am - an imperfect human... will you accept me?"

When I saw how the people of this forum embraced you when you first came here, it warmed my heart. It made me want to come back here. What I saw you doing to people was a good thing. The way people were responding to you was a good thing. You were bringing out a compassionate side of people on this forum that I had not seen before. It made me feel like maybe this is a safe place.

I hate to see Ameen peeking in and out of here and feeling like he has to walk on eggshells. I think we should just be honest with him. Is this forum ready for Ameen? Let's not do what our former churches did... let's not tell him he is welcome and then make him perform for his acceptance. Let's just tell him straight up... either he is welcome in imperfect state, or it would be best for him to stay away. That way he doesn't think he is accepted and then find out that he really isn't.

What I found refreshing about Ameen is that he is honest with himself and others. I have to admit that I have not always been honest with myself. As many Christians, I hid my humanity behind religion. Even now, after being away from organized religion for 10 years - I still find myself hiding. Sometimes I do it for no reason at all... I just feel shame at my core. When I see someone being honest about who they are - it makes me feel free to be honest with myself and others about who I am - without worrying about getting any approval or not.

I think we should let Ameen know if he is welcome here or not. Don't you all think he deserves that? Be yourself... be honest... if you don't want him here, then be honest. Nobody will be mad at you for being yourself.

Personally I think Ameen being here is more help than harm. He is honest, and he seems to be able to be polite to people. That is better than what I can say for myself. I have been rude to people at times, and I am have reacted when I should have responded. I am sorry for that... I am still a work in progress. Maybe if I would have just been honest like Ameen, I would have never felt the need to hide the real me.

I think Ameen knows that this is not a place to promote non-Christian beliefs and preferences. Likewise, by allowing Ameen to post here you are not endorsing his beliefs or preferences. You are just saying it's okay for imperfect humans to be a part of this support forum. If things get out of hand, Jerry will take care of it.

What do you all think, is Ameen welcome here?

:)

[Gayle]

I would simply like to welcome you to the forum Ameen . I wish the best for you in what you are looking for here. :) Gayle

Voyager I also read Ameen's posts as you describe.

[Ameen]

I appreciate the post, but I think, voluntarily, I need to stay away.

I do have OCD, remember, and it seems that I am now writing to a couple of people from here by e-mail... When someone tells me that I am in a thread... Well, again, I do have OCD--obsessive compulsive disorder. Of course I am going to come back and look.

And then suddenly I am posting my last post for the fifth time... Not good. Soooooo OCD.

I want everyone to feel safe and comfortable here, but, in all honesty, my presence will put off some of the more conservative Christians. If they don't have this board to come to, where will they go? They are no less deserving of acceptance than I. Besides, I am a big Star Trek fan. "The needs of the many..."

(And really... If you had seen me playing Pin the Tail on the Christian years ago, you might not be so warm and fuzzy about me. You wanted honesty...)

Here is what this board needs to do to be healthy:

1. Find a way for conservative Christians to post what they wish AND for liberal Christians to post what they wish.

Why not have a conservative section, a liberal section, and a common section--with no criticism allowed in the first two? If I were on such a board, I would simply not go to section one since it would be bad for my recovery. On the other hand, it would be very good for the recovery of conservative Christians. They also need to do things in the way that feels most comfortable for them.

The common section is where you could learn from each other.

2. If you really want to be progressive, you could also have a section for alternative belief and lifestyle recovery--no criticism allowed. (The board may not be ready for that yet. Maybe it will be one day.)

3. Jerry has my respect; he actually does things here. Otherwise... Get the owners/head honchos to, well, own up to what the board is for! I cannot believe that they are still silent.

4. Finally... Be good to each other. You may hate someone's beliefs, but that does not mean you have to hate the person.

In reason (and really, really, really trying to make this my last post),

Ameen

[Gayle]

I have a sister-in-law who struggles with OCD. I understand. :) Gayle

[Jerry]

A "Gay Atheist" posting on a Christian Board ????? I mean,even though he has helped some here,come on!!! give me a break !!!!! As moderator of this board I should ban him.The problem is I am not qualified.....Who is qualified then ?????,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Simple,,,,That would be he who is without sin among us,let them cast him out

[butterfly]

Ameen, I hope you do stay I got alot from your post.
You are welcome here by me.Well you would be welcome anywhere by me

I have no problem with people being gay. I have a gay cousin into a 31 years partnership.
I have come from the hardside of life knowing alot of different people.
I guess I could say down in the dirt where real people live.
I can see in color I hate black and white seeing it is so negtive. butterfly shirley

[outcast]

I am posting this more for the rest of the forum because Ameen already knows he is my friend and I am glad to see him here when he chooses to post. However, I also respect his decision if he feels the need to stay away because I want him to be comfortable.

I do however miss his insights on the forum when he is not here. He has alot of wisdom.

I do think this thread is valid because it does raise the question of whether or not this forum is ready for people like Ameen who do not have the same beliefs as the majority of the group.

I like his idea of having sections of the forum for the more conservative, liberal or even non-christians who have been hurt by church abuse. I know I am not quoting his idea exactly, but I think that was the gist of it.

In answer to the question posed, it is obvious by the events of the past week or so that the entire forum community here is not ready to accept Ameen and to me that is very sad indeed. It hurt me personally to see such a neat person get wounded by christians, yet again. But, I will not digress to that topic again.

I do, however feel that this forum is at a crossroads so to speak. There is a need to create safety for all here and there is a need to show respect for everyone's boundaries. I think that having subforums may be a way to address those needs seriously.

Regardless, I will still post here when I feel like it is safe. But, I wish for it to be a place where all could feel safe to post.

[ex-shep]

A "Gay Atheist" posting on a Christian Board ????? I mean,even though he has helped some here,come on!!! give me a break !!!!! As moderator of this board I should ban him.The problem is I am not qualified.....Who is qualified then ?????,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Simple,,,,That would be he who is without sin among us,let them cast him out

Thou havest a point. The one problem with censorship is who gets censored.

[JaniceB]

I want both Ameen and Voyager and anyone else who truly wants to recover from spiritual abuse to come into our forum--even if I don't agree with them and even if they get me upset with their needs to argue and debate. I'll just come to terms with it or do as I do now--don't read it all.

God is still good. I can still turn to Him when I'm upset. It actually helps me heal in the long run not to separate myself from different points of view even if they are rather emotional. But it took a long time for me to learn all of that.