Recognizing manipulation or spiritual abuse

[Gayle]

I was born into spiritual abuse - with that came emotional and physical abuse......and a surplus of manipulation. As I said in another post trusting Christians is extremely difficult. But I would not deliberately say or do something to hurt another person.

Personally, I thought Ameen was genuinely seeking to find healing. I didn't see him as being manipulative. Just my opinion and I'm not prepared to say that he was or wasn't. I also felt that some people here were not showing compassion.....and am putting that thought on hold as well. Having said that.....

Being born into spiritual/abuse - I wonder if my entire life is just a mirage of false thinking. Has the abuse so twisted my thinking I am not able to read people in a realistic way. Just at work this past week, my boss said something, I tried to support what I thought he said, he then contradicted what I was trying to say. He got exasperated when I didn't remember some information from a meeting we'd had an hour earlier (PTSD). I had to let it drop and felt like I don't really understand anyone. I see that many of my conversations with him go like that. It gets to the point of only talking with him when he initiates. Then on occasion it seems like we actually understand each other and I start talking again and the scenario repeats itself.

Guess I'm holding my thoughts wondering if this is that same scenario. Thought I knew and understood only to find that maybe nothing is like I thought.

Does anyone else experience this?

The same happened with my abusers and anyone who represented spiritual or other authority. I wasn't getting anything right. How do you know? Who do you trust? Who do you believe? Now I think I should just shut myself up.

[Hope 98]

Um...

Yeah

Oh Yeah!

I think I'd ruin what you said if I tried to add my own comments. I'm right there with you.

[JaniceB]

Um...

Yeah

Oh Yeah!

I think I'd ruin what you said if I tried to add my own comments. I'm right there with you.

I'm with Hope. I wouldn't know what else to say since you said it so well but I understand what you're going through. One thing I have observed is that management draws a disproportionate share of power freaks. Not all managers are on a control binge but there seem to be more that are than in the general population. I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves not to take them personally--easier said than done.

[Grey]

like I don't really understand anyone.Does anyone else experience this?

...

The same happened with my abusers and anyone who represented spiritual or other authority. I wasn't getting anything right. How do you know? Who do you trust? Who do you believe?

Yes, I feel that way, and don't trust or believe very much. I'm very confused right now.

[outcast]

As I posted on the other thread, started by AM, I didn't feel Ameen was being manipulative either. :) Hugs to you, my dear.

[Gayle]

outcast, Grey, JaniceB, and Hope 98, thank you all of you for those affirmations. It has taken some working through this weekend, things I couldn't put into words here, but am feeling better regarding what has happened. My confidence to be able to decide for myself is stronger today than it has been for a long while which I think is a result of your support and having had to work through this.

Right now I can say my entire life is not just a mirage of false thinking just because of another person's difference of opinion. A small step but I have to admit I am amazed. lol thanks again. Gayle

[Grey]

Good to hear that, Gayle. :)

[outcast]

I'm glad too, dearie. :)

[leelees]

i saw my xpastor in armeen and his posts

[Gayle]

i saw my xpastor in armeen and his posts


I'm sorry Leelees that you experienced Armeen's posts that way. I've been told by different people that when something triggers me that way, it might mean its time to deal with the memory behind the trigger. I've learned to see people a lot differently than I used to. Even if I don't agree with their views, I can appreciate other things about them. I hope you are able to take the time to check out the posts by others here. Glad you're back. Gayle.

[David]

Being born into spiritual/abuse - I wonder if my entire life is just a mirage of false thinking. Has the abuse so twisted my thinking I am not able to read people in a realistic way.

Hi Gayle,

This is the part of your post that stood out most to me.

Having had a life changing experience lately (moving to a completely new area) I have been reflecting a lot on my life and how 'far from normal' it may be. Having said that, what is normal anyway? does anyone have a normal life? I doubt it. Anyway, ...........

On a post a fair while back, I said that I had come to realise that I had spent eleven years in an abusive church, followed by nine years in a fundamentalist Christian school. In terms of theology, they were polar opposites, however in terms of positive Christian climates, they were exactly the same. And so I came to see that I with a total of twenty years combined in those two places, I had spent most of my adult life in abusive Christian environments. It was an eye-opening moment to say the least. I had honesty never thought of it that way.

I heard it said somewhere once, that a fish can never see the state of the water they are swimming, and I think it is true for humans also. Sometimes, we just can't see the muck until, we're out of it. Living in a rural setting now, I can look back and see just how twisted my thinking, my outlook, my demeanour towards others, my trust in others, my relationships, my faith- my whole life has been shaped by those abusive environments.

I think I've come out of it fairly well. A lot wiser that's for sure but I just wonder too how much of my thinking, the way I interact with others, yes, my whole life, is influenced by that 'mirage of false thinking' that you so clearly described. And if this is so, then how can I ever see clearly? How can anyone because, to a certain degree, we are all products of our upbringing/environment.

Thanks for the thoughts!

[Gayle]

Hi Gayle,

This is the part of your post that stood out most to me.

Having had a life changing experience lately (moving to a completely new area) I have been reflecting a lot on my life and how 'far from normal' it may be. Having said that, what is normal anyway? does anyone have a normal life? I doubt it. Anyway, ...........

On a post a fair while back, I said that I had come to realise that I had spent eleven years in an abusive church, followed by nine years in a fundamentalist Christian school. In terms of theology, they were polar opposites, however in terms of positive Christian climates, they were exactly the same. And so I came to see that I with a total of twenty years combined in those two places, I had spent most of my adult life in abusive Christian environments. It was an eye-opening moment to say the least. I had honesty never thought of it that way.

I heard it said somewhere once, that a fish can never see the state of the water they are swimming, and I think it is true for humans also. Sometimes, we just can't see the muck until, we're out of it. Living in a rural setting now, I can look back and see just how twisted my thinking, my outlook, my demeanour towards others, my trust in others, my relationships, my faith- my whole life has been shaped by those abusive environments.

I think I've come out of it fairly well. A lot wiser that's for sure but I just wonder too how much of my thinking, the way I interact with others, yes, my whole life, is influenced by that 'mirage of false thinking' that you so clearly described. And if this is so, then how can I ever see clearly? How can anyone because, to a certain degree, we are all products of our upbringing/environment.

Thanks for the thoughts!

I think you're quite right on how our whole lives have been shaped by the abuse. We can't go back now and find out how we would be different if it hadn't happened. We are who we are now and I want to believe that we can trust a part of ourselves to recognize truth or at least move towards it without feeling run over with stronger opinions of others. I am not the strongest person but if I rely on others' to always direct my thinking I will not become stronger. I might make some mistakes even big mistakes. If I run and hide when I'm triggered I won't learn what I need to know about myself or others. I have in my past gone from this person to that person to another person - all high standing people in their own christian communities - trying to recognize the truth - and all had different views and attitudes, quirks, etc. All were human and eventually they all said/did something I didn't feel comfortable with. So now what am I to do? Push them all away? I don't think so. That would be too lonely. Make up my own mind about what I believe and try to live my own life instead of copying others? Yikes! but I guess so.