David
01-13-2009, 04:48 PM
Hi everyone. Just a quick post. I am back at school very briefly today, so I can access the internet. Don’t officially start school until next Wednesday though, so I won’t be around that much in the next week. After that though, will be back here at least three days a week.
Just wanted to let you know how we were doing though. The move was exhausting. Took twelve hours all up. But at the end of the day, as my wife and I lay on the bed in the new room, we looked outside to the balcony we have of our bedroom, to Jupiter and Venus setting in the night sky- a sight we just never got to see in our old city because of excess light, and just listened to …….. well, nothing. Not a sound. Not an ambulance or police car siren, or heavy vehicles in the night, or anyone breaking into our car, or being bashed in the backyard, or drunks walking down the street in the middle of the night yelling at the top of their voices. Not a sound- unless you count the sound of the waves crashing on the beach five kilometres away, or the occasional night bird.
It is true to say that I have landed in paradise. I am breathing again.
Our dog- a very cute West Highland Terrier/Shih-Tzu has become a metaphor for my life. Before, back in our old home, she was never settled. She would bark and go ballistic, whether inside or out, at any car, or person, or dog, or bird that would go past. When we opened the back gate or the front door, we did so cautiously, because at the slightest opportunity, she would take off down the street. Often it seemed that she had no idea where she was going, but that she just wanted to be away from where she was. She ran away recklessly, not aware of traffic or other dangers that may have been around.
As soon as we arrived here, it was as though she took a huge sigh, to say “This is where I belong.” There are no fences where we live because the developers didn’t want anything spoiling anyone’s view. So our backyard is open. And yet, our dog spends hours outside now and never runs away. She spends her days sunning herself on the back steps, or the jetty, or on the balcony. And when we take her on a walk, she walks down the very centre of the road (very little traffic here), without a lead, again, as if to say, “This is where I belong.” I look at her sometimes and say, “I know, I know.”
I too have come home.
There was a moment in the first week, when I was putting some clothes in the washing machine. For no apparent reason, I started crying. There was no-one around, so I just let it happen. I kept on saying, “Thank You Lord. Thank You.” They were tears of gratitude to Him for rescuing me. The tears that spilled were tears for all of the years that had been eaten by the locust and that I was now praying would be restored to me. They were tears of utter joy that I was finally away from the places and the people that had caused so much pain to me over so many years. And in the last few weeks those tears have never been far from the surface. I just let them happen. They are needed.
There are some nights now, where I lie on our jetty and stare up at a billion stars, and wonder at the Milky Way and at how the One who created that in a word, has somehow spoken a word into my life and in an instant things have somehow changed. I am not naïve enough to think that I will never have any problems ever again but somehow, something has changed. Before, they were pulling me down. I was heavy, burdened by eleven years in an abusive church and then nine in an abusive school. I didn’t want to have to face anything. I was tired. Worn out. Dying.
But now, I feel as if I am ready to face what life throws at me and I want to be able to suck the marrow out of it. I am hesitant to use the ‘h’ word and the ‘p’ word but for the first time in I don’t know how long, I feel happy and at peace. There, said it.
My wife and I have never been closer. Never. It’s like we are discovering each other all over again.
We have been to church more often in the past four weeks since we arrived, than we went for all of 2008. Just a little country church but one which seems very much into building community- something which we sorely need. It seems too, that one community that they are particularly interested in reaching out to, is the arts community. One guy talked to me about it the other day but said, “We have just never had the person who knew how to get it started.” “Hmm.” I thought.
Last Sunday it seemed that everything was against us in our effort to get to church. Didn’t feel like it for a start. Then, when finally ready, we got to the car to discover that we had locked the keys inside the house and all doors were locked except for the one on the balcony. Borrowed a ladder and we made it, to discover that the pastor was preaching on leadership that morning. My Lord, what a sermon. Just happened to say a lot of stuff that was healing balm for this heart. During prayer afterwards, he said that he felt there were people there who had been hurt by leadership in the past. Bit of a no brainer really, but I really appreciated it. I went up to him afterwards and shared a little of my story. We are meeting later this week. I am going to go very slowly with this one but I have high hopes that we have found a safe church. And I think I have found the brother I have been craving for so many years. I hope so.
There is so much more inside that I want to say; suffice to say this is the best thing we have ever done.
Thank you all for sharing the journey with me. I will be back more as from next week but I wanted to let you all know how we were doing. I’ll catch up on posts next week.
Bye!
David
Just wanted to let you know how we were doing though. The move was exhausting. Took twelve hours all up. But at the end of the day, as my wife and I lay on the bed in the new room, we looked outside to the balcony we have of our bedroom, to Jupiter and Venus setting in the night sky- a sight we just never got to see in our old city because of excess light, and just listened to …….. well, nothing. Not a sound. Not an ambulance or police car siren, or heavy vehicles in the night, or anyone breaking into our car, or being bashed in the backyard, or drunks walking down the street in the middle of the night yelling at the top of their voices. Not a sound- unless you count the sound of the waves crashing on the beach five kilometres away, or the occasional night bird.
It is true to say that I have landed in paradise. I am breathing again.
Our dog- a very cute West Highland Terrier/Shih-Tzu has become a metaphor for my life. Before, back in our old home, she was never settled. She would bark and go ballistic, whether inside or out, at any car, or person, or dog, or bird that would go past. When we opened the back gate or the front door, we did so cautiously, because at the slightest opportunity, she would take off down the street. Often it seemed that she had no idea where she was going, but that she just wanted to be away from where she was. She ran away recklessly, not aware of traffic or other dangers that may have been around.
As soon as we arrived here, it was as though she took a huge sigh, to say “This is where I belong.” There are no fences where we live because the developers didn’t want anything spoiling anyone’s view. So our backyard is open. And yet, our dog spends hours outside now and never runs away. She spends her days sunning herself on the back steps, or the jetty, or on the balcony. And when we take her on a walk, she walks down the very centre of the road (very little traffic here), without a lead, again, as if to say, “This is where I belong.” I look at her sometimes and say, “I know, I know.”
I too have come home.
There was a moment in the first week, when I was putting some clothes in the washing machine. For no apparent reason, I started crying. There was no-one around, so I just let it happen. I kept on saying, “Thank You Lord. Thank You.” They were tears of gratitude to Him for rescuing me. The tears that spilled were tears for all of the years that had been eaten by the locust and that I was now praying would be restored to me. They were tears of utter joy that I was finally away from the places and the people that had caused so much pain to me over so many years. And in the last few weeks those tears have never been far from the surface. I just let them happen. They are needed.
There are some nights now, where I lie on our jetty and stare up at a billion stars, and wonder at the Milky Way and at how the One who created that in a word, has somehow spoken a word into my life and in an instant things have somehow changed. I am not naïve enough to think that I will never have any problems ever again but somehow, something has changed. Before, they were pulling me down. I was heavy, burdened by eleven years in an abusive church and then nine in an abusive school. I didn’t want to have to face anything. I was tired. Worn out. Dying.
But now, I feel as if I am ready to face what life throws at me and I want to be able to suck the marrow out of it. I am hesitant to use the ‘h’ word and the ‘p’ word but for the first time in I don’t know how long, I feel happy and at peace. There, said it.
My wife and I have never been closer. Never. It’s like we are discovering each other all over again.
We have been to church more often in the past four weeks since we arrived, than we went for all of 2008. Just a little country church but one which seems very much into building community- something which we sorely need. It seems too, that one community that they are particularly interested in reaching out to, is the arts community. One guy talked to me about it the other day but said, “We have just never had the person who knew how to get it started.” “Hmm.” I thought.
Last Sunday it seemed that everything was against us in our effort to get to church. Didn’t feel like it for a start. Then, when finally ready, we got to the car to discover that we had locked the keys inside the house and all doors were locked except for the one on the balcony. Borrowed a ladder and we made it, to discover that the pastor was preaching on leadership that morning. My Lord, what a sermon. Just happened to say a lot of stuff that was healing balm for this heart. During prayer afterwards, he said that he felt there were people there who had been hurt by leadership in the past. Bit of a no brainer really, but I really appreciated it. I went up to him afterwards and shared a little of my story. We are meeting later this week. I am going to go very slowly with this one but I have high hopes that we have found a safe church. And I think I have found the brother I have been craving for so many years. I hope so.
There is so much more inside that I want to say; suffice to say this is the best thing we have ever done.
Thank you all for sharing the journey with me. I will be back more as from next week but I wanted to let you all know how we were doing. I’ll catch up on posts next week.
Bye!
David