The Non-Monetary Costs of Abuse

[Kitty]

# shame, shame and more shame

# lack of trust in myself

# What is wrong with me?

# self doubt

# self flagellation

# lack of trust in anyoneelse

# fears

# increase in need for approval

# loss of healthy boundaries

# involvement in a controlling church that was full of misogyny

# anger toward authority

# life focus stolen

# depression

# anxiety disorder

# must deal daily of symptoms of PTSD

# loss of friends

# rape of my soul

[Hope 98]

Noticed your signature, and I hope that the following will begin dissolve the lies you've been told.

God is the ONLY ONE with the right determine what we deserve from Him.

HE CHOSE to forgive us, to sacrifice HIMSELF on our behalf, and love us without regard for what we "deserve".

That's what makes a GIFT a gift. It would otherwise be a salary.

No person on earth is able to accurately weigh your heart, and therefore has no right to determine what you deserve. In fact, no one can accurately weigh his own heart and has no basis to make a comparative measurement.

What we know as the "Golden Rule" is that we should treat others as we would like to be treated. Inverted, those who think they have the right to treat others badly, are looking through the wrong end of the microscope.

Bottom line -

God thinks that you, Kitty, are worth dying for, just to be with you.

It's not your fault.
It's not THEIR business anyway.

[ex-shep]

Accurate portrayal. I have spent a good 20 years recovering from it.

A monetary cost which I am powerless is the short changing of career paths. I cannot help but notice how both Tammy, a friend who was in an abusive group, and I both come from well educated professional families. We are working comparatively low paying clerical positions. Both our groups had dim views of career paths. If they did not get into ministries, they were stuck occupationally "waiting for the Lord and Godot"

[Reg]

# shame, shame and more shame

# lack of trust in myself

# What is wrong with me?

# self doubt

# self flagellation

# lack of trust in anyone else

# fears

# increase in need for approval

# loss of healthy boundaries

# involvement in a controlling church that was full of misogyny

# anger toward authority

# life focus stolen

# depression

# anxiety disorder

# must deal daily of symptoms of PTSD

# loss of friends

# rape of my soul

(((Kitty,)))
I started this thread awhile back.

The Grieving Process
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=6937

It identifies what I went through and some of what you went and still are going through. Here's a list of what I lost...

Chapter 1. *Understanding the trauma.* It can take three to seven years for an individual to go through the painful transition and trauma involved in coming out of a cult. Again, we have an entire organization going through this process at the same time at varying levels.

1. Extra-biblical revelation [Mystery of the Ages, US & BC, 18 truths restored to the church through HWA], 2. Leader's supernatural contact with God, 3. Divinely called leader, 4. Friends and community ties, 5. Believing one is right, 6. Belonging to the "only true church", 7. Absolute answers, 8. Sacred myths [Petra place of safety], 9. Elite status, 10. Respect 11. Being called to positions by revelation, 12. Goals, 13. Self-esteem" (pp. 55-69).

"It is almost impossible to comprehend *the tremendous loss* suffered by ex-cultists who have left behind them a package-deal life, full of love, support and absolute answers, all structured around a purpose and goals. In its place sits a gaping void" (p. 69).

[ex-shep]

(((Kitty,)))
I started this thread awhile back.

The Grieving Process
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=6937

It identifies what I went through and some of what you went and still are going through. Here's a list of what I lost...

Chapter 1. *Understanding the trauma.* It can take three to seven years for an individual to go through the painful transition and trauma involved in coming out of a cult. Again, we have an entire organization going through this process at the same time at varying levels.

1. Extra-biblical revelation [Mystery of the Ages, US & BC, 18 truths restored to the church through HWA], 2. Leader's supernatural contact with God, 3. Divinely called leader, 4. Friends and community ties, 5. Believing one is right, 6. Belonging to the "only true church", 7. Absolute answers, 8. Sacred myths [Petra place of safety], 9. Elite status, 10. Respect 11. Being called to positions by revelation, 12. Goals, 13. Self-esteem" (pp. 55-69).

"It is almost impossible to comprehend *the tremendous loss* suffered by ex-cultists who have left behind them a package-deal life, full of love, support and absolute answers, all structured around a purpose and goals. In its place sits a gaping void" (p. 69).


Good overview. I believe this stat came from the Goldbergs, but I am not sure of the original source. It takes 4-6 six months to recover for each year of involvement with an abusive group. Keep in mind, each person's path of recovery is different. It is still a reasonable benchmark.

[Reg]

Good overview. I believe this stat came from the Goldbergs, but I am not sure of the original source. It takes 4-6 six months to recover for each year of involvement with an abusive group. Keep in mind, each person's path of recovery is different. It is still a reasonable benchmark.
Hey ex-shep,

Where does that put me after 29 years? :confused:

Thankfully, God has been good to me and placed a person in my path that helped speed my recovery and restore some trust in the leadership. She was like an angel. One of those rare leaders that was the genuine article.

[ex-shep]

Hey ex-shep,

Where does that put me after 29 years? :confused:

Thankfully, God has been good to me and placed a person in my path that helped speed my recovery and restore some trust in the leadership. She was like an angel. One of those rare leaders that was the genuine article.

don't feel so bad. I did the math myself after 24. My journey was slower but quite rewarding, so I cannot complain.

What helped me initially was friends who would take the time to listen and understand what I was experiencing. I also had relatives who stepped in as surrogate parents and helped me work through the initial trauma.

The stat is anecdotal at best. Recovery is a process not an event. Thankfully one has to only worry about today.