Not Healing

[Grey]

I feel like I'm not healing, like I'm just getting worse. I don't know what to do.

[Spiny Norman]

I have felt like that about my SA at times. I've now realised that, far from being linear, the process of grief can be convoluted and twisted into knots. Just when I feel like I am making progress (e.g. from anger to acceptance, or whatever) I seem to end up right back near the start of the process again. So you're not alone in I expect in feeling that progress is slow and/or painful.

[Kitty]

Healing is a process. Sometimes it feels as if you may take 3 steps forward and 5 back but it will come. Go easier on yourself.;)

[Anna Marta]

Sometimes things really do get worse before they get better. Dealing with painful things can bring up pain again. When we begin to dare to acknowledge our wounds and not back away from the pain of the memory, the process continues toward a positive and creative healing. Eventually, as we process through the people, events and feelings of what has hurt us, the memories become something that can be accessed to help and the pain becomes less and less acute. I can now use my hurtful memories to help me understand and touch people who need someone to care.

May you experience greater times of healing and less pain in the time to come.

Love
AM

[FreeinJesus]

I feel like I'm not healing, like I'm just getting worse. I don't know what to do.

((Grey)) I am so sorry...wish I could give you a hug!
Do you have anyone you can talk to?

I can understand what you wrote, but only from my limited perspective. After we first left the cult church, & even before we left, I was in a state of mind that I had never experienced....I felt like my life wasn't real...(this is my life???:confused:) I had this blackness inside of me, even on beautiful days I would think "what is wrong with me?? I should feel good on such a wonderful day?!":confused:

I wondered within myself if I would ever, ever feel carefree happiness, joy or acceptance by God or man again.:confused:

I hope your days get better Grey.
Sometimes, like AM mentioned things do get worse before they get better.
I don't know if this will help, but please know that we care for you & so does God!

Hugs
FreeinJesus

[JaniceB]

Plenty of hairpin turns on the road to recovery but the fact that you can say that you feel as if you aren't doing too well is a good sign. At least you can say it!

Maybe it's time to rest and just let things be for awhile. There's a time to work at things and a time to let go. Maybe you need to let go.

Take care.

[Jerry]

I feel like I'm not healing, like I'm just getting worse. I don't know what to do.

Dear Grey,,,,
Yes you have been struggling to get honest with yourself,,,,,,.....contrary to the feeling your actually getting better,,,,,,,,your "Subconscious" is finally taking you seriously :) ;) Feeling better will come ;)

Love Jerry

[Grey]

Warning: Post Contains a Scripture.
Thanks, everybody, I really need the support. I was too depressed to follow up on this when I read replies several days ago, though I am feeling better now...
Maybe you're right, Janice, that it may be time to let go. I don't really know how, though, without slipping away. I did try not trying to work on it for a bit & felt better, but then remembered the scripture verse about loving God with all your heart/mind/strength/soul and now I don't know. I'm afraid I'll let go & slip back into the world. I'm already starting to have the attraction to the occult I had before I came to the church, and I don't get it. I believe if there IS a spiritual world, there has to be a God, too, so why incline that way? It doesn't make sense, but I can't think about it too hard anymore. I don't care as much anymore.

Yes you have been struggling to get honest with yourself,,,,,
I don't think being honest was ever a struggle for me. Maybe there was misunderstanding stuff, but I don't think honesty was ever an issue. If anything, being too honest was my problem. That's why they all thought I had spiritual problems, I couldn't get it together and think like them, after all, LOL. :rolleyes: But thanks for the support ((((Jerry)))).

[JaniceB]

Warning: Post Contains a Scripture.
I'm afraid I'll let go & slip back into the world. I'm already starting to have the attraction to the occult I had before I came to the church, and I don't get it.

If you're that concerned about slipping back I doubt that it will happen. When we leave a bad situation a lot of us get interested in stuff that is weird and wild. We are free! We don't have to follow those stinking rules anymore! We can do what we want!

But we don't know what we want anymore because we've suppressed that to fit in with the abusive group so we experiment in our heads for awhile. You sound very normal to me.

It's hard to learn to let go. I have to work at it for maybe five minutes at a time when I'm in an obsessive state. Five minutes can then turn into 10 and so forth. The best thing I've found to do is to find something more worthwhile to think about--like having some fun!

[FreeinJesus]

..... The best thing I've found to do is to find something more worthwhile to think about--like having some fun!
Sounds good!!:D

[Grey]

Thank you, Janice & FIJ. :)

Fun? Hmm... Trying to remember what that is... ;)

[Anna Marta]

I'm already starting to have the attraction to the occult I had before I came to the church, and I don't get it. I believe if there IS a spiritual world, there has to be a God, too, so why incline that way? It doesn't make sense, but I can't think about it too hard anymore. I don't care as much anymore.


It makes sense to me Grey. There IS definitely a spiritual world which includes both God, angels, demons and evil etc. What i have discovered is that no one seems to fully understand the reality or the import of it. When I read the bible I see a lot of spiritual world information that people want to pass off as "that can't be true" - yet when witchcraft and occult and ghost topics come up people seem all too ready to believe it. That in and of itself is proof to me that there is such a thing as spiritual battle between worlds. The story about the Egyptian magician creating a snake like Mose's only to be eaten by Mose's snake makes people doubt the truth of the story... however, after reading about the spiritual and occult in early Egypt it is more than obvious that magical things did happen...

I guess I am trying to say that part of that battle is proven through how eager people are to doubt the power of God while believing the power of evil.

Relax Grey and float for awhile, don't stress too much about God. He won't leave go of you... Just be your loving and caring self and see what life brings. I hope this makes sense.

Love
AM