Goodbye and good riddance (to my school)

[David]

I went to our end of year Presentation Night last night. it was my final official function for my school.

I was expecting to be called up on to the stage to be farewelled officially and sure enough it came. I went up with one of my staff who is also leaving.

My principal started with my co-worker and said a lot of nice things about her and everyone clapped etc etc. Then she got on to me. This is the beginning of what she said .......

"Well, I am glad that (David) has finally decided to leave ........."

She explained that I had been warning her for about a year and half that it was going to happen, so from her point of view, I guess it was funny.

But for me ........

It was the final straw. To say that in front of 500 of the school community was ......... well, I just don't have the words for it.

I spent nine years of my life at that school, building a department for children with special needs up from nothing. Some of the things I have done there are not done at any other school in our city. And now, not only is she not going to replace me (I don't think I have mentioned that), she has the gall to make me the brunt of a joke in front of the entire school community.

I have shaken the dust from my feet and left .......

[Anna Marta]

David,

What a difficult evening for you. I can feel your pain and disappointment in your words. Did you say any nice things about you that people clapped for? It sounds as if there was no appreciation of your years of hard work and caring for the school. I hope the hurt will shake off as quickly as the dust on your shoes...

AM

[Willow]

That really bites, David :(
I can't even think of anything to say that would help :(
Unless calling her a biotch would help.... hah

[Spiny Norman]

That was very a very hurtful experience David. I feel your pain, and I'm sorry for my part that you had to experience that. Just a little grace on their part would have gone a long way I am sure.

[JaniceB]

David,
That was nasty but doesn't it make you feel really good about leaving? When they give us a parting shot like that it's like God writing in the sky, "You're doing the right thing!"

Good luck and God bless in your new school.

[FreeinJesus]

That person sounds like an absolute JERK!!

I'm sorry she hurt you like that in front of that crowd!:(

Keep moving forward & dont look back.

PS hopefully if there are any decent people there they will see past that assinine comment...ya hope anyhow.:confused::rolleyes:
PS is this school associated w/ the abusive church?
I'm sorry ifyou have said in past posts...I don't always read everything here.

[tetralih]

What a jerk! Principals know better than that. Sounds like you are making the right decision to leave.

[David]

PS hopefully if there are any decent people there they will see past that assinine comment...ya hope anyhow.

PS is this school associated w/ the abusive church?
I'm sorry ifyou have said in past posts...I don't always read everything here.

Thank you everyone for your replies. It took me a day to realise what she had done the other night. It was a bit of blur while it was happening. Now I just feel sorry for that school.

I went there nine years ago directly after leaving the cult. it was at the absolute opposite end of the spectrum in terms of theology. I had come from a charismatic Baptist church and finally 'won' that job at a fundamentalist Brethren school, where children had to work in little cubicles and the women had only recently been permitted to not wear a shawl over their heads during prayer, and where they were able to wear 'dress' pants only after my second year there. The girl students were allowed to wear track pants for sport, but only if they wore a skirt as well. I was horrified when I saw it but it was a job you know? I had just finished Bible College, which my ex-'pastor' had convinced me to go to, when our children were aged 0, 1 and 2. So I really had little choice but to take the job. I didn't think it would last for as long as it did.

I was thinking about it yesterday as I was driving home. Eleven years in an abusive church, followed directly by nine years in an absuive christian school. I have spent almost half of my life in abusive christian environments. I have spent almost all of my adult life in abusive christian environments.

I am currently having a deju vu experience, akin to when I left the church, where the headlights come on and you feel like a rabbit. I can see it all so clearly now. Before, I was aware that I was just surviving in that place, right from the moment I got there. But I am beginning to see just how bad it really was.

In a way, because I had seen how it was from early on, I shut myself off from most of the people there and just put my head down and worked, in order to protect myself. I confided in maybe 5-6 people and with them I was very honest and open about myself. I trusted them and in the abusive situation, they still contributed to my healing. I said very little while I was there because when I did say something, I was basically ignored and/or overridden. Seems that special needs teachers don't really know much about what special needs children need. Does that even make sense!?

A few years ago, I presented a plan of what the school needed to do to cater for the kids there. It has not been implemented. The school is building a $4 million building with no funds. They are relying on faith. Do you know what that really means. It means that they are not replacing me. It means that they are not replacing one of my staff who is also leaving, who cared for a cerebral palsy student. They say they are going to look after all that we did 'in house.' Tell me, how is that 'relying on faith?' I was going to say something about it when I thought that I would be able to respond to any farewell speeches but no-one was given the chance to say anything. Eveything is very carefully controlled.

Compare this to my wife's school (the one that I was convinced to leave by my ex-'pastor'. She has been showered with best wishes and thanks (and chocolates). Yesterday, at their final get together all of the staff, seventy-odd people, got together in a circle and for each person that was leaving, went around the circle and said something that each staff memeber had appreciated about the person who was leaving (people didn't have to share if they didn't want to). It took most of the day but the contrast just showed me all the more, how wrong what had been done to me was.

Anyway, I conducted a few ceremonies of my own yesterday. I made a big deal of locking my door for the last time. I ceremoniously handed over my key to the bursar. I took one last long look at the huge, ugly $4 million empire that they were building and I gave it the appropriate salute as I drove off.

Anyway, gotta go. Got some packing to do. Only 4 sleeps till we move!!

Thanks everyone

[FreeinJesus]

((David)) I had to chuckle at what your "salute" to the old school was...:D

My God....19 years total, you know that hit me because we were in the abusive church for 19 years.

I am soooooo glad for you that you are getting the hell out of that place. I'm sorry but the "brethren" groups are very legalistic & controlling. I know personally some people that escaped from one of the brethren groups & I'll just say that it was very controlling & definitely cultic...to the point where the leader wanted them to all buy homes on the same street.
Fucked up eh? That's what I think. Also it was the same, women wearing the headcoverings, no celebration of the holidays (Christmas, Easter) same ole same ole jot & tittle twisting to prove the superiority of their "religion" read=
"we are doing religion better than anyone else & we are the arbiters of truth & bible interpretation." BLEGH!! Too bad this forum doesn't offer the little green sickie faced guy cause I'd insert him right there.

The longer you are away the better you will hopefully feel.
It wasn't right what you went through, but those religious fanatic types just don't care....at least I don't think they do.:(
Take care & I wish you all of the best in moving on with your life!!:) fij

[outcast]

David,
I offer you my condolences on your experience and offer you the comfort of knowing you are not alone. When I left the christian school I had worked for for 7 years, they too treated me badly in front of others and tried to diminish the work I had done for them to make the school better.

Their behavior did serve to confirm my resolve and to this day I too salute them appropriately when I happen to drive by their facilities.

I went on to teach in a public school for the past 3 years and am now seeing some abusive tendencies in its structures due to the superintendent being grossly unhealthy. I have already resolved to leave after I receive student loan forgiveness after 3 more years there. I also get to defer loan payments while I teach there.


I realize I sound mercenery in my motives, but pragmatically speaking I feel that I need to get things ready before I quit, financially speaking since working for the cult set my husband and I back so detrimentally. Once I get what I need for me and my family, I will happily move on and relocate all together. A fresh start is sometimes needed in our situations in order to move on completely.

I pray your new start will be a good one. I just wanted you to know that I could identify with your hurt. It sucks.

[Willow]

I always felt bad because I was ignored when I left my church - after 7 years of managing their music program for free. However... in light of this... being ignored was a blessing. I was able to slip out largely unnoticed.

[riverdove]

David, it must have been a heartwrenching experience for you .... It never stops to amaze me how abusive people do not bat an eye lid when coming to publicly humiliating people. They do not know how much pain they've brought to the people they've hurt. The word grace is certainly a foreign word to them. I have had my share of public humiliation with the abusive churches I was involved in too. The first one was for about 10 years. They have robbed the religion out of me and I have struggled hard and long not to let them take Jesus from me. They have not used their tongues for the edification of God's people, but instead they have used them to destroy lives. Justice will be served one day--may be not in this life time of ours, but at least the abusers' fate has been sealed with the harsh words Jesus meted out at the Pharisees.

Your story does bring a reminder to the pain I've suffered. I'm glad to hear of your move. I have had to move too. Although moving to a new place is a big event, but I can see there are many nice things you can look forward to too. I do wish you and your family all the best. Please take care.

[Anna Marta]

Starting a new thread

AM

[JaniceB]

Seems that special needs teachers don't really know much about what special needs children need. Does that even make sense!?

Probably they don't see special needs children as important. I have a son that was special needs. He has Tourette's syndrome but the interesting thing is that he also has an IQ of 130. He needed a gifted program more than anything. He learned to multiply before kindergarten and figured out division all by himself before first grade. No one had pushed him. When he was about five he asked me what the "X" was and I told him about multiplicaton. He said okay, walked away and later showed that he understood.

But the Grace Brethren school he attended for kindergarten and first grade wasn't into strange kids. I pulled him out and put him in the public school and our lives were much better after that.

I'm so glad you're out of that insanity. You're going to keep rejoicing, I know. Take care.

[dougjb]

Hi David,
I feel really bad for you. It really has to bit for someone to say that at your farewell. I wish it was the principal who was leaving, I believe everyone would better off. By the way, how is it that its the goof-balls who seem to be in the power positions?

Dougjb
Some food for thought

[Jerry]

Dear David,,,,
I know that I can say for us all on this board with confidence,,,,that we are so very proud of you :) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,YOU THE MAN !!!!!!!

[Anna Marta]

Dear David,,,,
I know that I can say for us all on this board with confidence,,,,that we are so very proud of you :) ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,YOU THE MAN !!!!!!!

AMEN!

Love,
AM