ex-shep
12-03-2008, 08:23 PM
This was originally posted in 2005. I decided to pull it out of the archives. For those who trouble with the holidays, this might help -- or least provide some needed comic relief:
I decided to start a new thread. I realized the answer was too far afield from the original post. For those who have trouble with time of year, I thought I might offer my annual take on the Holidays.
Yes, Virginia, suffice it to say, it is that time of year when Thanksgiving is thankless, Christmas is crisis, Chanukah is hellacious, and we quake over Kwanzaa. Already one can hear "Jangle Bells Go Away", "The Twelve Pains of Christmas" and the immortal favorite "It's beginning to look a lot Like I need a Psychiatrist everywhere I Go".
The Barney song goes:
I loathe you
You loathe me
We're a dysfunctional family
With a barb and a jab
And blow from you and me
We get along so fabulously
It the [sound effect of suspense music with primal scream] THE HOLIDAYS
It is enough to make one shout, "Is there a Xanax distributor in the house?".
I staved off a similar donnybrook with my Mother in Law. My in laws, who I really like and have some pleasant get-togethers I enjoy managed to schedule an event on a day I work and would not budge. I explained to them well in advance that my flight benefits are standby only. The Sunday before 25 December? I tried to explain my concerns. "Gloria's" response was-- well not something one would advocate in Sunday school. I worked through the feelings, realized it was not all that important, "Ok. I have been outbidded Tal es la vida.
A man in Step Study group reminded me of the three P’s of perfection, procrastination, and paralysis. The holidays have to go that way or my life is going to be unmanageable or ruined. I don’t want to deal with it so I will put if off. Oh, no, it’s next week. Interestingly enough my wife and were finishing a study in James last night. I found a scripture which provided some perspective:
13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." [James 4.13-15, NIV]
I have to underreact to my vacation plans. My and I may do an overnight to West Texas for some peace and quiet. We may drive up to Ohio. I decided to do what I can do and wait on the rest and see what transpires.
I had a conversation with a brother in my 12 step group several years ago. He knew about my cult experiences and my working in a department store and how that soured my dislike for the holidays. We setting up the meeting room and fixing the coffee. He mused, “You know, I really love the holidays. I look forward to them. I have a great time. I do have a co-worker who is [in a sect that thinks that time of year is evil] and she takes her vacation that time of year to duck it.” I would not want to join her group and most might concur, but that was smart decision on her part. What evolved out the conversation was the concept of being holiday optional. As said in AA, “take what you like and leave the rest”. I may attend a concert or pick up a couple of CD’s of season music and that is the extent of it for me. Gloria pulls out all the stops and goes hyperbolically overboard for my taste. So I put my wife on the plane to Ohio and let her have fun and I usually sign up for work. I have given myself permission to take it or leave and set my boundaries. If I am over my head, I always have an escape plan.
I hope this provides some perspective to the least wonderful time of the year. May all your winter solstices be sober and this winter solstice season soon be over-- with apologies to Nat King Cole.
I decided to start a new thread. I realized the answer was too far afield from the original post. For those who have trouble with time of year, I thought I might offer my annual take on the Holidays.
Yes, Virginia, suffice it to say, it is that time of year when Thanksgiving is thankless, Christmas is crisis, Chanukah is hellacious, and we quake over Kwanzaa. Already one can hear "Jangle Bells Go Away", "The Twelve Pains of Christmas" and the immortal favorite "It's beginning to look a lot Like I need a Psychiatrist everywhere I Go".
The Barney song goes:
I loathe you
You loathe me
We're a dysfunctional family
With a barb and a jab
And blow from you and me
We get along so fabulously
It the [sound effect of suspense music with primal scream] THE HOLIDAYS
It is enough to make one shout, "Is there a Xanax distributor in the house?".
I staved off a similar donnybrook with my Mother in Law. My in laws, who I really like and have some pleasant get-togethers I enjoy managed to schedule an event on a day I work and would not budge. I explained to them well in advance that my flight benefits are standby only. The Sunday before 25 December? I tried to explain my concerns. "Gloria's" response was-- well not something one would advocate in Sunday school. I worked through the feelings, realized it was not all that important, "Ok. I have been outbidded Tal es la vida.
A man in Step Study group reminded me of the three P’s of perfection, procrastination, and paralysis. The holidays have to go that way or my life is going to be unmanageable or ruined. I don’t want to deal with it so I will put if off. Oh, no, it’s next week. Interestingly enough my wife and were finishing a study in James last night. I found a scripture which provided some perspective:
13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." [James 4.13-15, NIV]
I have to underreact to my vacation plans. My and I may do an overnight to West Texas for some peace and quiet. We may drive up to Ohio. I decided to do what I can do and wait on the rest and see what transpires.
I had a conversation with a brother in my 12 step group several years ago. He knew about my cult experiences and my working in a department store and how that soured my dislike for the holidays. We setting up the meeting room and fixing the coffee. He mused, “You know, I really love the holidays. I look forward to them. I have a great time. I do have a co-worker who is [in a sect that thinks that time of year is evil] and she takes her vacation that time of year to duck it.” I would not want to join her group and most might concur, but that was smart decision on her part. What evolved out the conversation was the concept of being holiday optional. As said in AA, “take what you like and leave the rest”. I may attend a concert or pick up a couple of CD’s of season music and that is the extent of it for me. Gloria pulls out all the stops and goes hyperbolically overboard for my taste. So I put my wife on the plane to Ohio and let her have fun and I usually sign up for work. I have given myself permission to take it or leave and set my boundaries. If I am over my head, I always have an escape plan.
I hope this provides some perspective to the least wonderful time of the year. May all your winter solstices be sober and this winter solstice season soon be over-- with apologies to Nat King Cole.