I can't love God

[gracefull]

I've tried. I just can't. The Bible says we love Him because He first loved us. Well, as far as I'm concerned, He hasn't lived up to his end yet.

I can't love God, and I can't forgive God. I can't forgive him for all the things he and his people did to me, and I can't forgive him for all the things he didn't do for me.

[JaniceB]

Oh, I understand! Don't worry, God won't "get you" for this. Just live the way you know is right and keep working on loving yourself and recovering from the abuse.

I'm so sorry that you suffered that much abuse. It just proves that instead of truly bringing people to Christ shame and guilt just drive them away. It was wrong. It was bad. It hurts like hell.

I guess the way I resolved the "where was God" question was to think that God isn't in the robot business. He was there but it was hard for me to connect with Him because of all the abuse going on in His name all around me. Now I'm free of that and I can understand God in my own way.

Take care of yourself. Keep writing/talking about it. You'll get through this.

[Hope 98]

I'm not sure that anyone succeeded at love by trying.

I love the movie "Bruce Almighty". One point that it makes is that God can NOT make anyone love him. It is pretty funny - which makes a lot of things easier to swallow.

I think that most of us here know where you're coming from. I hope we don't come across as trying to straighten you out. I believe that being honest with yourself and other people about what you're feeling is really important to healing. I hope you can continue to express yourself.

[Willow]

I used to have a god like that too. I fired him about 7 years ago. I'm still working hard at reformulating my concept of God. Mostly I hang close to people whose spirituality I admire. That's the best I've done to this point.

[Anna Marta]

I hear you Gracefull.

This I believe, God is big enough to handle your hurt, anger and unforgiveness and He will never stop loving you or leave you alone. I can't explain it, but I know it and I have lived through it so I DO believe it and can stand on it.

Love
Anna Marta

[gracefull]

god is a sicko. I've had enough of this so called "love" from god and I wish to hell that he would just leave me alone. My life would have been so much better off if I never had anything to do with god.

[Willow]

I think you are right to fire that sicko god. I'm working hard in my recovery to gain a better understanding of the good, compassionate, loving God. I got a sponsor in the AA program that invited me to borrow their God for awhile until I find mine. I thought that was kinda cool... because I really admire this person's spirituality and connection with God. Anyway... just throwing that out there... You're words remind me of feelings I've had and still have. I don't want a sicko god either. I really do want to find the God of the universe who cares about me and knows me. I sure hope such a God is there to be found after such devastation as we all have had here in pseudo-spiritual communities. I think for me to survive... I really have to find the antidote to the poison. The erasure of the tapes playing in my deepest self that portray god as a meanie....and the replacement of that sicko god with the real God of the Universe who loves me and is actively involved in my healing. If it's not true... I'm sunk.

[Hope 98]

I'm trying to remember the last time I had a sicko god.

I think that I had an experience like Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, where you see the old guy speaking into the microphone "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain - I am the Great and Powerful Wizard of Oz".

When crap starts piling up around me, I can pretty much trace it to the little man behind the curtain.

For a while, I could see that the "man behind the curtain" was me :eek:. Then I remembered that when Dorothy called him a "very bad man", he replied, "no, I'm a very good man. I'm just a very bad wizard."

People are always bad at being something that they aren't and were never supposed to be. And it always hurts.

[gracefull]

Interesting. I have come to see god as a lot like the Wizard of Oz, and I actually see the book as being an secular humanist allagory. God is touted as some big, strong, powerful being, but really he's just a wimpy, helpless do-nothing wuss hiding behind a curtain. A stained glass curtain in this case. And just like in the book, the Wizard is helpless and useless. The power is within Dorthy herself, and she never needed the useless Wizard in the first place. All the worthless wizard/god did was to endanger her and her friends because they trusted him and obeyed him.

Perfect allagory as to my life, actually.

[Hope 98]

The point I meant to make was that it was a person pretending to be God that was weak and puny. I even found that sometimes that weak and puny person was me.

[Anna Marta]

I would like to explain how I interpret the Wizard of Oz analogy.

The wizard does not represent God. He represents the "hurt people who hurt others" in our lives, those who need to hide behind a mask of "knowing it all and being able to do it all", so as not to show their fear of being known.

At one time in Oz had been a perfect place and with a good powerful person the people loved and turned to - she was killed by an evil witch and her power was used for evil purposes to control and not love people.

Dorothy enters their world as a kind of sweet loving savior figure. She dances and rejoices with the little people getting to know them. Then she accepts each of the needy main characters and invites them on the journey to seek healing and freedom. Each of the main characters in that story needed to have a challenging experience to help them discover the truth of who and what they were so they could overcome the LIE of what they had been believing about themselves. Even the wizard is revealed to have his own needs and to be pretending to be something he is not.

Dorothy represents " love and truth" who enters their world to reveal love and the truth and how it is that which sets the people (even the wizard) free and kills the wicked evil witch. The evil witch has the red (like blood) shoes and wears them which means she has power until the (living) water pours on her and destroys evil. The shoes representing power are then given to "The One" who is worthy to wear them.

Dorothy then returns to her world leaving Oz a better place. The only character in the movie that gets destroyed is the evil selfish witch who lives for herself. It is she who represents the real controllers and abusers in our lives.

So I see it as actually a salvation analogy and not a New Age one where everyone is revealed to be a little god possessing their own power.

[leelees]

i dont know about God being a "sicko" but i certainly thought he was a ba****d for letting what happened to me happen, but its taken me this long to think well actually its not Him that did it to me, its the people who so called represent Him....the evil one is behind all hurt and pain and mankind also its ourselves that go against right and kind of fart around thinking we can BE god!
if god is a sicko then im not sure he would send himself to die to save us from ourselves and hell. just my thoughts......i do understand your hurt (not as much as i could do cos i dont know what happened to you) because weve all had traumatic experiences to different extents and i did turn my back on god and hated him like you do but hes working in me and restoring our relationship! xx

[hornblower]

Interesting. I have come to see god as a lot like the Wizard of Oz, and I actually see the book as being an secular humanist allagory. God is touted as some big, strong, powerful being, but really he's just a wimpy, helpless do-nothing wuss hiding behind a curtain. A stained glass curtain in this case. And just like in the book, the Wizard is helpless and useless. The power is within Dorthy herself, and she never needed the useless Wizard in the first place. All the worthless wizard/god did was to endanger her and her friends because they trusted him and obeyed him.

Perfect allagory as to my life, actually.


If you believe the power is within yourself (as most of the new agers in my life do) why are you here?
Im sorry I dont mean to be rude at all but then I am so weary of this stuff that people are always telling me about they have the answer inside themselves.
My sister in law was the biggest one that used to tell me that. Now its this lady at work. Shes so strong that nothing escapes her, she has everything figured out and packaged up and shes mrs wonderful happy do good and always right christian upstart kit.
Because every once in awhile I feel some pain or am unhappy about living this miserable existence down here she feels this need to tell me how awful I am and if only I could be like her it would all be sunshine.

You know what has been actually helping me lately? For one thing I got up early one morning and read about Paul.........you know that Paul that everyone loves to put down all of the time as if.........he cares........
he was stoned more than five times, beaten forty lashes four times, stoned and left for dead, shipwrecked and was in the cold dark sea for a whole day and night, more than once he was shipwrecked, cold hungry and still he got up and still prayed and loved God and worked hard for his own bread.

I felt a little stupid after I read that. Here I am always complaining and look at what Paul went through.
Still though Paul wasnt harping on what a good guy he was at all and thats the other thing that impressed me about him. He wasnt saying all of that to make anybody feel bad because he said he was a bigger sinner than any of us and I for one believe he meant it.

Just because I read that do you think work went well for me that day? Nope not one bit it was hell here on earth as most of my days and nights have become.
The other thing is something I read on here and it was that 'if it doesnt kill us we might do better because of it' or something like that. Ive been thinking a lot about that.
You can believe anything you want to believe any time you want to believe it hey this is a free place here.

All Im saying is Im hurting too a lot and so are many of us hurting here and it doesnt get better either not at all it isnt.
So why do I keep believing that book?
Because Jesus got hurt thats why.
I dont care what church says they are all liars. They dont know toot about anything if they say that Jesus didnt hurt and still doesnt hurt. He does hurt and he hurts for us just like He hurt on that cross.
Its never going to stop. Because Jesus loves us and He is crying for us every single day I know He is. His heart is so broken over you my friend. People have hurt you and you are blaming Him for it. yeah He made tham so He will keep on taking all you and I dish out at Him about it and believe me I do plenty and it hurts Him that we would think that after all He went through for us we still dont get it.

We somehow have missed the whole thing that the entire reason for His existence is so He could die for us.........I know it doesnt make any sense we are NOT wort it thats for sure. I know Im no good never was never will be but He loves me so much it killed Him.

Whats cool about Jesus is we dont have to pretend we dont have to do good all of the time we can even give up completely but He doesnt change one thing. He will still die for us all over again. Go ahead and nail in one nail again.........He wont even move.

Show me one other person in this world that loves you or me like that?

If its a lie? I dont care. Its all I have and its evidently its all I need.
Im telling you I saw Him! He is real! So if its a lie then my life is worth nothing anyway I have got to be totally nuts and so what if I am because honey Ive seen some pretty weird weirdos lately and a lot of them are in church too but then there isnt any good people out of church either so so what looks like theres nobody?

You know who I think the Oz is?

I think Oz is the people I keep thinking will help me and they arent God so I think I should get fooled just like Dorothy did in the first place. She deserved all of that scary witch stuff happening to her.

She already had the best thing going for her and she didnt appreciate any of it did she?

The best place on earth is home...........Kansas according to Dorthy. ???????????? Have you ever been to Kansas?

The scare crow guy already had a brain and the tin guy already had a heart and the lion already had courage, it was all a matter of them to stop looking for it in another place and another person and start looking at their God.

God has given us everything and all we need is to see it. He gave us His Son and now even if we die we will live with Him forever in love and joy. The rest of this thing should be a cake walk, why isnt it after all?

Could it be that we are looking in the wrong places for the wrong things?

Anyway thats my story and Im sticking with it.

[hornblower]

Oh and graceful its perfectly ok if you dont love God He knows all about your heart and how much its hurting. He loves you anyway, all the way, and me too and a lot of the time I feel exactly the same way you do, believe me.

[JaniceB]

If you believe the power is within yourself (as most of the new agers in my life do) why are you here?
Im sorry I dont mean to be rude at all but then I am so weary of this stuff that people are always telling me about they have the answer inside themselves.
-----
The scare crow guy already had a brain and the tin guy already had a heart and the lion already had courage, it was all a matter of them to stop looking for it in another place and another person and start looking at their God.

God has given us everything and all we need is to see it. He gave us His Son and now even if we die we will live with Him forever in love and joy. The rest of this thing should be a cake walk, why isnt it after all?

Could it be that we are looking in the wrong places for the wrong things?

Yes, you answered your own question, I think. What happens to me is that I have a problem and I pray about it but don't really listen, or don't know how to listen, or whatever. Then I fuss and fret and try to find the answer to the problem and when I do it was so obvious. The answer was right there under my nose--or in my heart--because God had been trying to explain it to me all along. It's part of growing, part of my journey down here.

I have noticed that I'm getting better at listening now that I'm not listening to the voices of shame so much.

[Anna Marta]

I have noticed that I'm getting better at listening now that I'm not listening to the voices of shame so much.

A girl after my own heart!

I was shocked to discover just how much shame there was in my little head - wasn't room for any more so ... it ran out all over everybody else! I used to think I was "people pleaser", but now I wonder if I have been a shame avoider... :o