venting - with thanks

[Florence]

I just had my name removed from an email type forum for worship leaders. I have only been on it for a couple of weeks and last night a woman used it to vent about her small children's school woes. She said she was tempted to pull her kids out of school and asked for input. Well, I am a former public school music teacher and we have homeschooled our two boys for their entire education thus far (they are 13 and 15) so I simply wrote back and told her what we see as some of the positive aspects of homeschooling.

I in no way indicated that everyone should homeschool or that there is anything wrong with other types of education. (It's just that homeschooling was right for us when we started and it's still right for us today. We homeschool on a year-by-year basis, always open to putting the kids in school if that's what would be best at the time.) But, the response from one of the people on the list was to attack me and my children, going so far as to call us un-Christian. Because we homeschool, he has apparently concluded that homeschoolers are elitist and look down on others.

I had noticed on that list that there are some who tend to get into "one-upmanship" exchanges - putting down people who don't have a more expensive guitar or all the trappings of a complicated sound system. Overall, they just tend to be so negative toward anyone who has a different opinion or different "style" than they do. This particular fellow seemed to be especially vicious to me (and maybe I'm just hyper-sensitive because it was me he was responding to), but it just made me think of the abusiveness I have experienced in the church. Especially the conclusion that we must not be Christians because of something we are doing that he obviously doesn't agree with.

I guess it just amazes me that the people on this list are worship leaders in churches and yet they are so quick to attack and demean. No wonder churches are so messed up and abusive!

Anyway, I'm just really thankful for all the folks here who are so caring and open-armed to everyone. I have a sneaking suspicion that when it comes to "doing it right" in the church, we are the ones who were doing it right and we got crucified for it. Thanks for being the kind of people who encourage and support rather than attack and demean. You are light in the darkness.

Florence

[Voyager]

I had noticed on that list that there are some who tend to get into "one-upmanship" exchanges - putting down people who don't have a more expensive guitar or all the trappings of a complicated sound system. Overall, they just tend to be so negative toward anyone who has a different opinion or different "style" than they do. This particular fellow seemed to be especially vicious to me (and maybe I'm just hyper-sensitive because it was me he was responding to), but it just made me think of the abusiveness I have experienced in the church. Especially the conclusion that we must not be Christians because of something we are doing that he obviously doesn't agree with.

I think that too many churches breed this type of elitism by preaching against so many things. People sitting under this type of preaching develop a "preachy" attitude about anything they disagree with or do not like. Maybe if preachers would preach for more things instead of against them, this wouldn't happen. For example, preaching for love, mercy, and good morals would be more constructive than preaching against sin and threatening those who fail to comply with eternal hellfire. Does that make sense?

:cool:

[Doug64]

Yes it makes sense. Accent the positive - don't mess with MR. in-be-tween - in a song, I think.

Reminds us again that we are all human. Too bad more folks don't cut others some slack when they don't see eye to eye. The preponderance of the things disagreed on have nothing to do with salvation, anyway.

Home schooling certainly isn't a sin. We have (former church) friends who home schooled their three daughters all the way through 12 grades. Two I know went on to college.

Doug

[Satscout]

...

I in no way indicated that everyone should homeschool or that there is anything wrong with other types of education. (It's just that homeschooling was right for us when we started and it's still right for us today. We homeschool on a year-by-year basis, always open to putting the kids in school if that's what would be best at the time.) But, the response from one of the people on the list was to attack me and my children, going so far as to call us un-Christian. Because we homeschool, he has apparently concluded that homeschoolers are elitist and look down on others.

...

I guess it just amazes me that the people on this list are worship leaders in churches and yet they are so quick to attack and demean. No wonder churches are so messed up and abusive!

Re homeschooling: I know folks who have made that choice - including my best buddy from college, whose oldest of five is starting junior high in a Christian school this year after being homeschooled all of elementary, and my husband's brother's wife, who has done/is doing homeschooling for their six up to ?? third grade. The older ones attend the school in which my brother-in-law teaches. So homeschooling and transition type homeschooling are perfectly fine options for those who feel it is the best for their situation.

PS that guy should read Lisa Whelchel's book on the subject - as a homeschooler AND pastor's wife, she should know...

Re attacking: This is the other side to the phenomenon I experienced once our parents pulled us out of the public school and put us in Christian school starting in my fifth grade year. It used to embarass me and bother me to no end to listen to them bragging about how much they sacrifice... pinching pennies, driving older cars, etc. etc. ... to put us in the supposedly superior Christian school. As if one who chose for whatever reason to keep their kids in public school was somehow less of a parent than *they* were. Different flavor, same poison. Ironically, of their three grandchildren, odds are none will see private education; my brother and sister-in-law can't afford it, and Andrew is special ed. At least they haven't seen fit to attack us for it (yet) though.

*sigh* *mental soundtrack playing ::what the world... needs now.... is love... sweet love...::*

Sharon

[Jerry]

Quote;By Linus(in Peanuts) for Florence
"I love mankind,,,,,,,,it's people I don't like"
Love Jerry

[Florence]

Just wanted to let you all know that I have gotten a couple of personal emails from a couple of folks on that email forum denouncing the person who was so hateful toward me and expressing their support. I am wondering if they also replied to to the entire list with their opinions of this fellow. So many times in my abusive church situations people would privately express support and their dismay at what had been happening, but they wouldn't say a word to the people responsible or who could do something about it. I guess they were more interested in self-preservation and political correctness, but I think it would have gone a long way in my not being so devastated if the "secret" support had been public as well. Even though they privately supported me, I have little respect for them now because they didn't stand up and let their support be known. To me, their silence was the true indication of who they supported.

Florence

[Janice]

Ya know Florence,

If I sit and dwell on the things my church has done to me (and I DO at times), I go absolutely nuts with anger, rage, and self pity. (not saying that's you....this is just what I do)

Anyway, what I TRY to do is just focus on God and the reason why I go to church in the first place (for HIM and to worship HIM.)

In the end, when we all finally meet our maker face to face, we are each going to have to answer for what WE have done...not what our pastors, or anyone from any "forum", or for what anyone else has done.

I try to keep reminding myself of that and it makes the whole "church thing" for me just a little easier to handle.

I understand how you feel about the letter. My prayers are with you and like I said....THEY will have to answer for it someday.

Hang in there sweetie! Love, Janice