Could use some advice

[dougjb]

Hi everyone,
Well, I have a bit of a problem. I am taking care of my 91 1/2 year old mother. My mom has a dog that she is profoundly attached to and the dog is dying in a miserable way. I had a talk with her about the fact that Cindy[the dog] will need to be put to sleep.
Mom got very upset and on the verge of falling apart at the idea of losing her beloved dog. Right on she is going through denial, anger, bargaining, and some acceptance of the situation. When the day comes to take the dog to the vet, it is going to be pretty difficult situation. Ideas anyone??

dougjb
some food for thought

[Willow]

Maybe that day should be her decision since it's her dog?
Just my idea.. it would make it easier on her probably if she's the one that comes to the decision?

[dougjb]

Hi willow,
You gave some sound advice. I neglected to state why the dog is dying. The vet said that she either has allergies or an autoimmune disease. The dog's hear is falling out and the skin is infected. It is an ugly mess.

In normal situations, you are definitely correct.

dougjb

[SpinningHead]

She might need some pet counseling to help her see that the poor pup is suffering, this very hard painful decision is coming and to maybe start dealing with those emotions now while she can still make the rest of puppy's days enjoyable ones.

I went with my friend (for support) who had to put her beloved Patches down...she was allowed to hold him, talk with him and stroke him as he drifted off. I was with her helping her say goodbye and saying my own. I can't tell you what a HUGE help that was to my friend.

[riverdove]

It's a tough call for you, Doug. I can see you're both concerned both for the dog's suffering as well as your mom's emotional attachment to the dog. It's hard enough to take care of an elderly mother ... Perhaps letting go of the dog reminds her of her own mortality? It's very hard at this old age to see things being taken away. Yeah, I think some kind of pet counselor might help. Maybe then, she'll have more time to think and come to acceptance her dog's mortality and perhaps even her own? It sure ain't easy, but hope things turn out ok for you and Mom and her dog.

[Spiny Norman]

I'm not real good with ideas concerning pets, however I was wondering whether bringing in a new pet first, before the old one departs, might ease the situation? We are all mortal, but then again, "life goes on" in spite of us?

When my wife and I got married, it was in the same church where just 7 days before we had held the funeral for the matriarch of the clan. For several days we had to endure the "I can't bear to come to the wedding" comments from grieving relatives, yet once we actually got them there, even though it was in the same building where just 7 days earlier they had been stricken with grief, the wedding (a celebration of love and life) was a great comfort to them.

So maybe taking the focus of the dying loved one (the dog) by drawing attention to the possibility a loving another (a new pet of some kind) might make it more palatable? Anyway, if this helps, great; if its a silly idea, just ignore me! :)

[dougjb]

Hi everyone,
I would like to thank everyone for some very good input into this situation. I realize that I have only given a picture and a paragraph to this difficult situation, the problem with my mom's dog has been developing over a number of weeks and has been getting progressively worse. During this time I have talked with both of my sister's concerning this situation concerning my mom's emotional response to the inevitability of putting this dog to [sleep].
Some of the counsel they gave is pretty close to what you guys have given and I am thankful for the input.

Spiny Norman -I thank you for your advice because it is a confirmation that I may be going in the right direction. We have another dog and I have been working to have a bond developed between [tooter-the other dog] and my mom. My sister said the same thing and it was further confirmed by you. I thank you because it really builds my confidence in dealing with the situation.

riverdove - thank you for your input. I believe that you are absolutely correct in that my mom may be seeing her own mortality. My mom and I have talk about the whole morality issue, in her case, she knows that it is not far off in the future. With her beloved pet's health rapidly going down hill, there is that so called prelude to her own exodus from this life being demonstrated through her pet.

Spinninghead - I want to thank you for your input. You and riverdove have expressed some overlapping ideas that are very good. I have had to put down pets before and being there at the end was very healing for me and brought about a health sort of closure. In my mom's case, she is doing very well but she is also very fragile both emotionally and physically. If I put her in a situation where she was present, if or when the pet is put down, I worry that it could be too emotionally taxing causing a plethora of negative side effects. I don't know if she could take it.

When I dropped this post, I was have a weird emotional moment because I have to deal with this situation along with a host of other issues and I just need to dump a little emotional overflow somewhere. I hope you do not mind. I see a parent who is deeply attached to a pet and my mom's emotional state is joined to the hip to her physical state. Where one goes the other will follow. I need to keep a healthy equilibrium in her life because the alternate could be fatal if things got out of hand. I need your prayers that the LORD will give me the wisdom to handle the situation.

dougjb
some food for thought

[Hope 98]

Got no advice - but I sympathize with your situation & pray things work out

[dougjb]

Hi Hope 98,
Thank you!! I know your situation and have been praying for you.:) The Lord keep you and bless you and may his face shine upon upon you.

dougjb
some food for thought

[riverdove]

Prayer's going up for you, Doug. My own mom is 81, so I can understand the delicate situation. God will honor your love for your Mom and grant you His blessed assurance and peace that she's under His wing of care.

[Hope 98]

Wow - thanks so much!

Hi Hope 98,
Thank you!! I know your situation and have been praying for you.:) The Lord keep you and bless you and may his face shine upon upon you.

dougjb
some food for thought

[Anna Marta]

Sorry to come in late.

If God keeps track of even a little bird that falls in the forest then you can be certain his eye is on you all too. Whatever happens Doug, neither you nor your mom is alone; He is walking with you.

There are just some kinds of pain in life that we cannot spare our loved ones from. I encourage you to allow her to grieve and work through whatever painful process she may be experiencing... As Isaiah said it so well, God's ways are different than ours.

I honor your compassionate heart for your mother. Will be praying for you all as you walk through this together.

May you be richly blessed.

Love
Anna Marta

[Willow]

When I dropped this post, I was have a weird emotional moment because I have to deal with this situation along with a host of other issues and I just need to dump a little emotional overflow somewhere.

It's great to have a place like this to post the "unmentionables/unfathomables" of life, isn't it? I've done so many many times myself.