Lack of Patience

[broken_hearted_sheep]

Although I am healing and letting go of the bitterness, I am finding one group of people very difficult to deal with...people who are pastors, seminary trained, but are very mean people.

I know a former pastor who has been married three times, has a dysfunctional relationship with his children, is staunchly opposed to women in ministry and is just plain mean.

I know a hard life can make people behave in certain ways, and being through all that I have, I try to be sympathetic, but when people are overly harsh and critical, but feel they have been called to pastor, all I can say is, "Huh?" :eek:

I don't want a pastor who is a pushover, no one does, but shouldn't pastors be more acquainted with mercy and love than most people? Am I aiming too high with my expectations?

I am just tired of people sacrificing the Truth of the Gospel for their warped interpretations of Scripture. Just because a person has been to seminary and has learned homiletics, exegesis and hermaneutics doesn't make them qualified, it just makes them educated. On the flip side, just because someone wants to be a pastor and thinks they are qualified because people shout and holler when they talk about Jesus doesn't make them a pastor either.

Sorry to vent but I am in a new situation here in our new state. People are the same the world over, and where I am, it's just so much bigger and there seem to be so many more people who are borderline spiritual abusers.

Kind of depressing.:(

[JaniceB]

but when people are overly harsh and critical, but feel they have been called to pastor, all I can say is, "Huh?" :eek:

shouldn't pastors be more acquainted with mercy and love than most people? Am I aiming too high with my expectations?
Kind of depressing.:(

I agree. It is depressing. Jesus warned us about these people and he called them wolves in sheep's clothing. Some of them sure think they are untouchable but it's up to the rest of us to teach them how to treat us as we are able. If we're just coming out of an abusive system we may be better off staying away from pastors for awhile but that's up to the individual.

Please be most patient with yourself. Healing takes lots of time.

JaniceB

[Hope 98]

I know a hard life can make people behave in certain ways, and being through all that I have, I try to be sympathetic, but when people are overly harsh and critical, but feel they have been called to pastor, all I can say is, "Huh?" :eek:

I don't want a pastor who is a pushover, no one does, but shouldn't pastors be more acquainted with mercy and love than most people? Am I aiming too high with my expectations?

Kind of depressing.:(


OK - I pared down your post to the things that jumped out at me.

I say "Huh?":eek: too!!!

First gut reaction here is that your expectations are APPROPRIATELY high. The depressing part is how many pastors fall below them.

[riverdove]

Depressing is the word. Broken hearted, I don't think you're being lack of patience. If anyone that is lack of patience, it's those abusive preachers who yell and holler over the pulpit. To me, they're like "resounding gong or a clanging cymbal" made to scare the sheep into submission. Abusive preachers are like bullies. I sniggered when I stumbled across another website that refers to them as "church mafia." If interested, here's the link: http://www.churchmafia.com/

As to their impressive seminary knowledge, see 1 Cor 8, "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." When I'm feeling so hurt, I really don't want to have anything to do with them. It's one thing that there's no perfect church on earth, but it's another when you join an abusive church. Hopefully with more books being written about SA each year, church leaders will somehow come to the understanding that spiritual abuse exists and it can hurt people immeasurably. Maybe one day, things will get better? Donno, but I can relate to what you're going through now.

[ex-shep]

[QUOTE=riverdove;60977][SIZE=1]Depressing is the word. Broken hearted, I don't think you're being lack of patience. If anyone that is lack of patience, it's those abusive preachers who yell and holler over the pulpit. To me, they're like "resounding gong or a clanging cymbal" made to scare the sheep into submission. Abusive preachers are like bullies. I sniggered when I stumbled across another website that refers to them as "church mafia." If interested, here's the link: http://www.churchmafia.com/

The name Jay Cameron does ring a bell. I will have to peruse the site.

How to overcome the paranoia can be something of a challenge. What knocked me out of it was having dinner with a man in college who had difficulty with the churches in town. His complaints were bona fide and believable, but the whining started to wear on me. "All Christians are ... ". I knew better than that.

The best I can say is that I put another one days at a time that I became comfortable. How does one strike the balance between abject paranoia ajnd blissful ignorance?

[riverdove]

Quote How does one strike the balance between abject paranoia ajnd blissful ignorance?
Reply With Quote -- there's a place for that too.

[ex-shep]

Quote How does one strike the balance between abject paranoia ajnd blissful ignorance?
Reply With Quote -- there's a place for that too.


Sorry about that. I knew something did not look right when it posted. Will graciously take ownership of that one. :confused:

[ex-shep]

Typing gaffes aside, I do like the articles and citation. The thirty seven questions on a potentially abusive churches is a great self help. There a couple of questions which the wording was off. Still it was a great read. Thanks for sharing the link. Great resource.

[broken_hearted_sheep]

The responses are very helpful. I just believe that the Lord never intended wounded people to wound others. I saw this television preacher the other day say something I find to be very true..."Sick people make healthy people sick and sick people sicker."

I am just tired of the "holier than thou preacher attitudes" without a holy unto Thou lifestyle. I know there is no one perfect, but that is something I will not hold my tongue about. I will not tolerate abuse any more.

I had a discussion with the gentleman about politics and money the other day, and the subject of race came up. He said, as black folks, we have suffered more than anyone else. I politely reminded him of other people's suffering, and then asked him to look at it through Christ's eyes because all of our suffering is nothing compared to His, I thought it would get across, but it didn't.

I have experienced my own fair share of racism being of mixed heritage, true enough, but I REFUSE to allow it to make me think that because of that, no one could ever understand my pain. Of course not! It's my pain!

I guess the point I am trying to make because I am beginning to ramble is this, as an undershepherd for the Lord Jesus Christ, shouldn't one look past their pain and look to people, not in the worldly terms of gender, race, class, etc but look at them the way Christ sees them?

Needless to say I was baffled...but in the end, I guess it's the difference between the many being called, but few are chosen mentality...many people can be called to be pastors, but few are going to be chosen by God to receive a reward for how they cared for their sheep.

[beezer]

Dear Lack of Patience,

*Remember Christ will never leave us or forsake us...
*God always leaves a remnant.
*He is always in control...even when it may seem He is not.
*In the end, He will separate the sheep from the goats and give due
judgement and rewards.
*We are to leave the tares alone because it may pull up the good wheat.
*Until then, stay "awake" with your lantern lit for the marriage between
Christ (husbandman) and those that are His (bride).
*And help guide others so they can light their own candle and be included
within the marriage.

God Bless,
Beezer

[FreeBird]

Although I am healing and letting go of the bitterness, I am finding one group of people very difficult to deal with...people who are pastors, seminary trained, but are very mean people. (

Ditto. I cannot even go around pastors. When I see someone who is wearing a pastor robe or a clerical collar, it makes me want to walk up and ask them why they need to walk around trying to prove to people that they are representatives of God. Most of them are probably pedophiles who couldn't get a real job.

My question to you is - why deal with them at all? I steer completely clear of anyone who is involved with organized religion, and that way I never get annoyed by people using religious condemnation on me.