Feeling Lonely

[Crisol]

Loneliness is a feeling
Loneliness is one of the scourges of humanity. It seems to affect everyone regardless of age or ethnicity. Whether you're a PhD or high school dropout, rich or poor, you're equally vulnerable. What exactly is loneliness? It is a FEELING that intimacy, understanding, friendship, and acceptance are missing from one's life. It is a FEELING of isolation or separation from others, a FEELING of being all alone. We need to realize that loneliness is nothing more than a feeling. After all, you are not your arms or legs, for they are just parts of your body. Similarly, you are not your feelings, which are just parts of your psyche.

Words are a lot like cars. Both are loaded with power. Cars are used to drive home. And words are used to drive home a point. Words and cars are very useful, but when used improperly, they can harm us. There are many poor drivers and poor thinkers because we learn about cars and words from unqualified instructors, such as our parents or friends. Now, let's get to the point. Did you ever say any of the following to yourself or others? "I am lonely." "I am sad." "I am angry." If you did, that is a misuse of language that leads to harmful effects.

Here is something to think about. The words we use imprison us or set us free. For example, if I were to say, "I AM lonely." That is just like saying, "I AM white." or "I AM a male." You see, there's nothing I can do about being white or a male. There is nothing I can do to change what I AM. So, when I say, "I AM lonely," the implication is that I cannot change. In other words, I use words to imprison myself with false beliefs.

However, when I acknowledge that loneliness is a feeling by saying, "I FEEL lonely," I open the door of my prison cell because feelings can and do change. Of course, as long as I continue to say, "I feel lonely. I feel lonely. I feel lonely," nothing will change. For although I opened the door, I have chosen to remain in the cell. To completely set myself free I have to take that extra step by saying, "I feel lonely, SO I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT."

Loneliness is much more than an inconvenience. Left unchecked, it can be a precursor to the solitary confinement of drug and other addictions. For the pain of loneliness may cause one to look for solace in drugs, alcohol, sex, or gambling. There is also the danger of loneliness developing into anxiety and depression. One can become completely immobilized by feelings of self-pity and helplessness. Also, one may try to mask pain by oversleeping or putting in long hours at the office. Finally, the stress imposed by loneliness leads to a weakened immune system, heart disease, and other physical ailments. The moral is clear. If we're suffering from loneliness, it's time to decide to do something about it.

All right, I feel lonely and want to do something about it, so what must I do? Start by understanding a simple law of life which can help solve almost any problem. That law is: You have to give away what you wish to receive. Our actions are balls that bounce back to us. A corollary of that law is: Don't give others what you don't want to receive. If I punch someone, they will punch me back. If I hug someone, they will hug me back. It's as simple as that. And that is the wisdom contained in the teaching, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Now, let's see what happens when we apply the above principle. I feel lonely. As I sink into the sea of loneliness, I decide to reach out. For the pain I experience reminds me how others must feel. So, I resolve to help lessen the suffering of others by becoming a volunteer or a friend. Perhaps I visit seniors, the bedridden, or those in prison. Or, I may befriend a lonely classmate, coworker, or neighbor. As I do so, what do you suppose happens? Yes, others eagerly look forward to my visits. By becoming a friend, I have gained friends. By offering support, I have won support. By healing the loneliness of others, I have healed myself.

Another corollary of the law of life mentioned above is: You will receive the most when you give the most. So, give of yourself, expecting little in return. Think of others, not yourself. Don't be needy because that will drain the energy of others and drive them away. Don't be needy, be a friend. And build that friendship slowly. Don't overwhelm others with your own problems. Learn to listen to others and they will listen to you. Learn to comfort others, and you will be comforted. Practice the principle of Tennessee Williams (1914 ~ 1983), who wrote, "When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone."

How can you love someone you don't know and don't spend time with? What is true for others also applies to yourself. How can you love yourself, if you don't spend time alone to get to know yourself. Being alone need not be the same as being lonely. For being alone is an opportunity for reflection, self-discovery, and growth. You will never be lonely if you like the person you are with. And no matter where you go, you will always be accompanied by yourself, so get to know and like that person.

The strongest trees are those that grow alone. The greatest dreams are those conceived alone. God can speak to you only when you are alone. Your purpose and life's meaning will be revealed to you only when you are alone. Yes, solitude is not the hovel of a recluse, but the mansion of a master. It is a place of joy. Yet, don't retreat to it to such an extent that you neglect others and deny yourself the blessings of friendship and companionship.

There's nothing questionable about the power of questions. If you're feeling lonely and don't know why, that's because you haven't been asking questions. Take an inventory of your behavior. Are you a show-off? Domineering? Moody? A complainer? A gossiper? Unreliable? Nosy? Short-tempered? A taker that doesn't know how to give? Do you build walls instead of bridges? Would you want to be friends with someone like you? Questions provoke thought and point to solutions. How can you take corrective action unless you ask yourself what you are doing wrong? If you are still mired in loneliness, is that because you're waiting to be rescued? (Don't hold your breath because help isn't on the way.) If you need a hand, you'll find it at the end of your own arm. There are lots you can do such as join a support group to master people skills. Learning about self-esteem, assertiveness, and how to overcome shyness and win friends can be a great deal of fun and put an end to your loneliness for good. Don't deprive others of the blessing of knowing you; be a friend!

© Chuck Gallozzi
For more articles and contact information,
Visit http://www.personal-development.com/chuck

[butterfly]

:) Thank you Crisol I am going thru a hard time right now and reading your thread helped me.
I haven"t reached out to others like I used to and the thread reminded me how good it felt for me and the other person.
Once we got out of our houses and went somewhere we felt much better. :)
I recived a blessing. butterfly shirley

[Lamisa]

Wow! That was really awesome and encouraging!! I haven't been on here in some time b/c I recently moved to a new state and also recently found out that my husband and I are going to have a baby!! Its a really exciting time, but with the move and all the changes I have had a really hard time b/c I have no community and have really felt lonely!!

This thread REALLY REALLY encouraged me! I hope I can apply many of the principles and use this time to draw closer to the Lord and seek Him in showing me ways to reach out to those around me.

[FreeinJesus]

Wow! That was really awesome and encouraging!! I haven't been on here in some time b/c I recently moved to a new state and also recently found out that my husband and I are going to have a baby!! Its a really exciting time, but with the move and all the changes I have had a really hard time b/c I have no community and have really felt lonely!!

This thread REALLY REALLY encouraged me! I hope I can apply many of the principles and use this time to draw closer to the Lord and seek Him in showing me ways to reach out to those around me.

Lamisa, CONGRATS on the wonderful news!

I know what it's like to move to another state, it's not
easy. Hang in there & be yourself & I'm sure in no time you'll have lots of friends.
Love,
fij
PS Good points in this thread! thanks!
I like the part about help is at the end of my arm...
true!

[Reg]

Crisol,

Wonderful message and very timely.

Thanks a BUNCH. :p

[leelees]

thats a wonderful post crisol....i was thinking about my loneliness earlier, and i just need to change everything that i think! really such a blessing, thankyou sweetheart! xxx :o xxx

[JaniceB]

That law is: You have to give away what you wish to receive. Our actions are balls that bounce back to us. A corollary of that law is: Don't give others what you don't want to receive. If I punch someone, they will punch me back. If I hug someone, they will hug me back. It's as simple as that. And that is the wisdom contained in the teaching, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

That sounds lovely and I really do agree with it but beware! People don't always hug you back when you hug them. Sometimes they knife you in the back as many of us have experienced in abusive churches.

I think this takes a certain amount of self-preparation which is why it's not so bad to wait awhile before going back to church after you've recognized your abuse.

JaniceB

[hornblower]

I have thought long and hard about this message of what I 'say' to myself.
I have to admit this hurts me a lot to read this Im sorry but it does.
The reason I think this is was because my Mother said things similar to me because she was a big believer in positive thinking. She had that book by Norman Vincent Peale. To her she was simply thinking good thoughts. BUT........she then used those thoughts to say to me when I was sad that I was wrong to feel this way or that way.........she made fun of me and got others like my brother to do the same.
My parents did not ever acknowledge my feelings of sadness or anger although they themselves had a lot of those feelings themselves and consequently as you have said here said many hurtful things to me. My mother always acted like I was dirty or bad for falling down and scraping my knees. Imagine now I was only three or five not sixteen.
Its indeed true that people say words that injure us.
Im not sure that our minds work the way you are presenting it to be. For instance I think my brain is smart enough to know the difference between me thinking Im a female and then the process that happens I dont think is the same for thinking I am lonelyOne is a fact of life the other is definitely a feeling and I think my brain knows the difference but maybe not so Ill pray and think about this more.
Nevertheless this is all very hard for me because of my past and the SA.

I know what feels healing and what doesnt for me and this feels hurtful. I know you didnt mean it that way I dont think anyone does mean it that way. I dont think that pastors wife when she said to me "Everyone is talking about how much you talk about your 'raped' daughter." meant anything but in her mind she was helping me.

My mother thought she was doing a good kind things for me.........just ask her, believe me the woman never thought she ever did anything wrong.
My parents didnt explain or tell me what happened to me when I was sexuallly molested and was five years old either. They never hugged me or touched me or ever treated me the same after that and I had no idea what had happened to me.
So now you may think to yourself I am wallowing in self pity because I am telling you my life.
But the truth is I am most certainly not feeling sorry for myself at all. I dont blame my parents and I dont hate them and I loved them until the end of their lives and I miss them both everyday, unlike the rest of my family who were always treated much better than I growing up.
So what made the difference for me?
Talking and being honest and not keeping things inside any more and then when I did talk someone loved me.
The first was Jesus and then a good church with a good councelor who loved me and didnt ever say shut up to me or grin and bear it, or smile and the world smiles with you or think good thoughts and this will all go away.........because believe me in my head there were no good thoughts except one.
Jesus alone has stood by me not a way to think.
Im not against this way Im really not of it helps you by all means do it its just that I dont think it helps me.
I have seen it so misused thats what concerns me. I know you dont mean it that way. But there are a lot of people that dont understand and I am hoping that you will understand me when I say some people in some churches use this same thing to injure others.

Like this........I have just lost my parents both of them,........I took care of them untill they died from alsheimers desease, my brother died a year earlier then the time I started taking them both into my home.
I had my disabled daughter too. Three people mentally disabled.......and Im not like way stable myself get my drift........but Im not the way they are. Nobody helps me my sister never called nothing.........
This way of being is not unheard of now days believe me I have met many people that have had to endure this kind of thing.
When I had cancer, same thing. At least half of your friends will abandon you believe me they will its just the way it is.
All of this and I wasnt bemoaning anything to anyone I simply wanted some prayer. Maybe a sympathetic word once in awhile would be nice. I didnt ask anyone to wash dishes? I sure do not want an award for anything I dont think Im a hero if anything my people that are sick they are the heroes!
What did I hear and many people hear this all too often well why dont you go visit people in nursing homes and care for the needy?

Hey honey what do you think I am doing here?
Someone dies and a person is grieving what do they hear? You should be glad that he or she is in heaven...........then go take care of someone else comes next?

I say take a walk in my shoes sometime. See if that shoe fits you ok? It may be a little painful?

What do I say to someone that says they are lonely? Here I am, I am too!
I think what causes my lonliness the most is the inability for communication to happen because so many others do not deal or face their own pain and say it.
Talking about pain doesnt scare me off at all ever. Pain doesnt get on me by talking about it. For me the life abundant is "more of everything".
Its the cross and the mountain tops. The valleys and the streams, the sunsets and the sunrises. Its all beautiful to me.
So thanks but no thanks. I agree but I dont agree. I love you and I still always will love you. If it works for you, fantastic! I certainly agree that love is meant to give to others and yourself. Make sure you are getting plenty of love from God because you wont make it without hearing the shepherd love on you thats what I do.
In the meantime I know I will probably feel lonliness until the Lord sees fit to erradicate that because I always try as hard as I can to wrap my arms around everyone but that doesnt mean they want me too.
In fact honestly my love scares them. Because in the first place I say to them what I have heard myself, from Jesus, and thats why they cant deal with it.
Such love as that is unheard of here. Jesus was lonely but He went to His Dad to make up for it. Jesus was lonely because He knew no one understood Him and they dont still.
Reaching out to love someone and getting stabbed in the back is a natural thing on this earth. I call it the cross. Im trying to simply get used to it. Thats what I hear from God to do, He never minces words with me, Hes so grand that way.
'Foxes have holes and birds have nests but the son of man has nowhere to lay His Head.'

[JaniceB]

I have thought long and hard about this message of what I 'say' to myself.
I have to admit this hurts me a lot to read this Im sorry but it does.
The reason I think this is was because my Mother said things similar to me because she was a big believer in positive thinking. She had that book by Norman Vincent Peale. To her she was simply thinking good thoughts.
I know what feels healing and what doesnt for me and this feels hurtful. I know you didnt mean it that way I dont think anyone does mean it that way. I dont think that pastors wife when she said to me "Everyone is talking about how much you talk about your 'raped' daughter." meant anything but in her mind she was helping me.

So what made the difference for me?
Talking and being honest and not keeping things inside any more and then when I did talk someone loved me.


Hornblower, I feel much of the same pain. I was molested repeatedly. I have two disabled sons. I agree with you. It doesn't always help to have someone tell you to think differently and things will be different.

My experience with self-talk has been that saying things in a more positive, more realistic way has helped when I was ready for it. Prior to that it just confused and discouraged me. When is a person ready? When they get to that place in their journey and not any sooner.

I'm still not there on some big issues in my life. In fact, something happened yesterday to really drive this home. Our company moved to a new building recently and the weather has been really bad for months here in the Seattle area. So I hadn't had an opportunity to explore the nice patio area on the third floor.

Yesterday I went exploring and discovered that the wall is low and I could climb up there and jump if things got too bad. That was my first thought! I've been in recovery for over twenty years and still I'm going to suicide ideation as a solution to pain. Okay, I went back inside and decided to find someone to tell about this and I guess that someone was you and anyone else reading this message. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing, too.

JaniceB

[hornblower]

I more than hear you Janice B. When things get bad for me I go to that place and it can be really sacry because I dont want to hurt anyone by doing it but in those times I just want it all to end. What will my grandchildren think of me........it would be sahming for them and my poor husband although at times he drives me there to that place quicker than anyone can.

I dont want to do something like that mostly because of Jesus. I know and believe God has us here for some unknown reasons. He alone knows our course.

You know Janice I didnt expect any applause for caring for my parents at all. I felt bad because I wanted to do so much more for them than I was able too. But to have my sister someone I loved the only person I have left in my family of origin to treat me like I am little more than a criminal...........man its like is this stuff ever going to end for me?

My own family has never understood me at all. Thats made ever more clear to me now. So the loneliness increases.
Im not going to blame myself for being lonely. I blame myself for absolutely everything. It doesnt help to heap more onto the pile by saying I dont think right.
If people want to believe Im in to self pity they can go right ahead and think whatever they want but I dont think I do feel that way. I simply am talking about it thats all. What helps is when someone says I love you. What helps is when someone says and means it that Jesus loves me. The truth is people dont want to become vulnerable and say loving things to anyone. Thats their choice in the matter not mine.
What helps one person get better doesnt nessarily help me. Im different. Im not entirely alone as you show here but we are not wrong to be the way we are.
Our feelings are important to us and we are not ashamed any more to share them. It doesnt mean that I stay in that feeling of lonliness all of the time.

It is a problem much of the time for me now I think and much of my life it has been and you tell me if this is your experience or not? I believe that maybe it does have something to do with the sexual abuses. Maybe the violence done to me as well. Its like a hole was put there by those things and now it cannot be filled because that hole is so very deep. Its an intimacy hole. Maybe this happens because of the nature of that crime against us I dont know? It kind of makes sense to me though.

I know that God should fill up the places inside of us that are empty and for much of it He does but heres what I also think.......I dont see the body of Christ living like they did in the beginning...........do you ever hear or see anyone caring for one another like they did in the early churches?

Much of my problem is about boundaries. I spread myself all out there and its way too much for people. Its gotten very bad lately. That has a lot to do with my SA. Im telling you its got everything to do with it. You would not believe how much I let those people into my life. More than I ever have anyone.
Now I dont trust anybody at all. At the same time its like because Im not in a church any more I dont care what anyone thinks about me. Ill just leave if they dont get me, thats my attitude.

Im praying about all of it. What else can I do? I spend too much time alone here and when my husband comes home he doesnt want to talk hes spent all day talking to everybody all sarcasms (so called man talking I guess thats what that is) all day long so he comes home with that same attitude.

I have a few friends but its hard. They have plenty of their own stuff going on and honestly sometimes some of them I think are crasier than I am and thats really scary.
I dont think of myself as suffering though in the way of most of this world suffers my gosh think of the poor women in IRAQ?
I love being with the beaders..........I taught this last weekend and it was beyond fun for me. They are real! I love it so much its like a taste of heaven for me.
Anyway I am not a disciplined person the way some peole are that can control their thoughts like that. You know what Paul says about trying to change in Romans 8? Thats me all over the place. He says the minute he decides hes going to change here comes sin.........lol duh..........and there he goers again doing the exact opposite of what he wanted to do. I try to talk the good talk to myself but in the end I have to say if its working for you its really because God did it for you in the first place and guess what???????? God didnt do it for me, so deal with that.

I know if it happens for me that I have good thoughts its because God is helping me to think those things Hes so good to me always.

[hornblower]

That sounds lovely and I really do agree with it but beware! People don't always hug you back when you hug them. Sometimes they knife you in the back as many of us have experienced in abusive churches.

I think this takes a certain amount of self-preparation which is why it's not so bad to wait awhile before going back to church after you've recognized your abuse.

JaniceB

Some times they hug you and smile and then are knifing you at the same time!
Still I dont give to get anyway. I try not too because it doesnt work. I give because its the right thing to do. God said it is. I dont want to be treated the way I got treated. I want to be treated the way I treat others. I love people always have. Ill tell you I have seen with my own eyes sweet good people done in by bad........in any case those same people they just go on being good............now for me thats amazing to me and I want to be like them so much. They are the people I emulate or anyway I want to be that way.
Bible says when you give and you are oppressed for doing the right thing then you are like our God. that is real righteousness. Now not that I go try that on purpose that would be maniacal..........but still s*** happens.

[JaniceB]

I believe that maybe it does have something to do with the sexual abuses. Maybe the violence done to me as well. Its like a hole was put there by those things and now it cannot be filled because that hole is so very deep. Its an intimacy hole. Maybe this happens because of the nature of that crime against us I dont know? It kind of makes sense to me though.


I totally agree that child sexual abuse makes a deep, sore hole in our souls. It is hard to be intimate after such an experience. Then church people either don't care or don't understand and help make the hole bigger.

God does fill the hole. It is full now of His love and grace but I'm discovering just what that means a little at a time and it's taking a long, long time. I know He's filled and healed the hole because I see evidence of that from time to time but it's hard to let myself feel safe and whole. That's not familiar. That's confusing.

Anxiety, anger, self-pity, and sadness are all feelings and what we need to do with feelings is feel them. People have picked at me and preached at me to give up all the above but the way I've been able to do that is to start by feeling them. When I'm ready I go on to other things which often involve peace and joy. It's a process. It takes time. When I've tried to take short cuts I just got lost and had to go back to square one.

JaniceB

[Willow]

I've got that hole too. It seems to get better for awhile when I think I have someone in my life that accepts and loves me. But that just turns into another divine joke and I'm left to decide whether to try again or to become a hermit. I'm working on the hermit idea at the moment!!

[JaniceB]

A really good book that deals with this "hole-in-the-soul" problem is Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner. Helped me a lot.

JaniceB

[Hope 98]

I finally went back to read the whole original post.

I agree wholeheartedly with the concept of recognizing loneliness as a feeling that can change rather than a state of being. The words we use can have influence on our attitudes and behaviors, so trying to remind ourselves to say "I feel lonely" rather than "I am lonely" is great advice.

I'm not so sure I buy into the rest of the conclusions drawn by the author. Unchecked loneliness does become depression and there is a point beyond which we may lose the ability to help ourselves. A person who is in that condition can only feel condemned and further immobilized by a statement such as "if you need a hand look at the end of your arm".

There is a point to involving ourselves in the needs of others even while we are in need. I have found it genuinely healing to walk along side of a person in pain while I was also in pain. God has sent me people in similar struggles when I felt most empty and we shared our hurts with each other and became filled with compassion, both of us better off for the encounter.

The other basic concept that comes to my mind was a post here a few months ago, that people love us in our weaknesses. They may respect us for our strengths, but we connect in heartfelt ways when we share our frailties.

[JaniceB]

The other basic concept that comes to my mind was a post here a few months ago, that people love us in our weaknesses. They may respect us for our strengths, but we connect in heartfelt ways when we share our frailties.

Wow! Isn't that the truth? Thanks for sharing that.

JaniceB

[Reg]

The other basic concept that comes to my mind was a post here a few months ago, that people love us in our weaknesses. They may respect us for our strengths, but we connect in heartfelt ways when we share our frailties.
Hope,

I recall posting that here with the quote:
Great Quote:
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?p=59030#post59030

"People will only love you in your vulnerabilities"

[Reg]

I read this and these thoughts add another dimension to this.....


NACR Daily Meditation for Tuesday, Jul 1, 2008

************************************************** **********

Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
Isaiah 54:4


Experiences of shame lead to fear. When shame causes us to be afraid
we make extra efforts to protect ourselves against future experiences of
shame. We try hard, for example, to look good. We focus on controlling
external appearances. We also try hard to anesthetize our feelings because
of our fear of shame. We focus on controlling our feelings so that other
people won't get to know us. If they did they might discover the shame
we are trying to hide. In this way shame traps us in a cycle of fear and
emotional numbing and covering up.

But if we hide our shame, it can never be healed. Our shame heals when
we reveal our inner being to people who accept us rather than shame us.
This is not an easy process for us because we expect to be shamed. We
do not expect to be accepted.

What a remarkably grace-full experience it is when God says "you
don't need to be afraid, you will not suffer shame." We can open our
hearts to God and find acceptance rather than shaming. God sees our fear.
God knows that we want to run and hide. But it is God's desire to heal our
deep wound of shame. "You don't have to be afraid," God says
to us, "you will not suffer shame or disgrace or humiliation with me."

I have experienced so much shame, Lord.
So much disgrace.
So much humiliation.
Sometimes I want to hide myself from life.
And sometimes I want to numb myself to life.
Sometimes I want to disappear completely.


Thank you for your promise.
It calms my fears and helps me to stop hiding.
It helps me to stop covering up.
Thank you that I can open my heart to you and not suffer shame.
Thank you for the people in my life who accept me and do not shame me.
Protect me, Lord, from shame.
Amen.

Copyright 1991 Dale and Juanita Ryan
http://two.pairlist.net/pipermail/nacrmed/2008-July/002080.html


This is akin to what the quote by Cassian in my signature says:.... This is the unabridged version:

"If we want to set our lives right and find peace, it is not the tolerant attitude of others that will do it for us. It will come about, rather, by our learning how to show compassion to them. If we try to avoid this hard struggle of compassion, by preferring a withdrawn and solitary life, we will simply drag our unhealed obsessions into solitude with us. We might well have hidden them. We certainly will not have eliminated them. If we do not seek liberation from our obsessions, then becoming more withdrawn and less social may even make us more blind to them, since it can mask them."

[Hope 98]

Hope,

I recall posting that here with the quote:
Great Quote:
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?p=59030#post59030

"People will only love you in your vulnerabilities"

Hi Reg, I knew it was your post, I was just too lazy at the time to track it down and make sure I'd quoted "properly". Thanks for the link. I missed the wording, but I think I got the "gist" of it. :)

It's an extraordinarily valuable truth.

[hornblower]

I totally agree that child sexual abuse makes a deep, sore hole in our souls. It is hard to be intimate after such an experience. Then church people either don't care or don't understand and help make the hole bigger.

God does fill the hole. It is full now of His love and grace but I'm discovering just what that means a little at a time and it's taking a long, long time. I know He's filled and healed the hole because I see evidence of that from time to time but it's hard to let myself feel safe and whole. That's not familiar. That's confusing.

Anxiety, anger, self-pity, and sadness are all feelings and what we need to do with feelings is feel them. People have picked at me and preached at me to give up all the above but the way I've been able to do that is to start by feeling them. When I'm ready I go on to other things which often involve peace and joy. It's a process. It takes time. When I've tried to take short cuts I just got lost and had to go back to square one.

JaniceB

Thankyou so much Janice B......ditto.

[hornblower]

I've got that hole too. It seems to get better for awhile when I think I have someone in my life that accepts and loves me. But that just turns into another divine joke and I'm left to decide whether to try again or to become a hermit. I'm working on the hermit idea at the moment!!

yep me too willow.