crap

[leelees]

i feel like a stepped on poo at the moment!
im feeling very hurt by everything again, its hard when its in my face every day..i feel i will never escape this all!
this place seems different to me? do people still care here? :(

[dougjb]

Hi leelees,
First of all, I do care and specifically about you. Though we may be thousands of miles [kilometers] away, distance is not the issue. You will always have a friend with me who cares. No matter what happens in life, you can be assured that there is at one person in this world that cares and that is me.:)
I may have just stepped in some poo myself.:eek::D:D:D
Love you!!!

dougjb
some food for thought

[Jerry]

i feel like a stepped on poo at the moment!
im feeling very hurt by everything again, its hard when its in my face every day..i feel i will never escape this all!
this place seems different to me? do people still care here? :(

I care :confused:

[outcast]

Me too. Exactly why do you feel stepped on if I may ask?

[Anna Marta]

I care...

Part of recovery is getting through ups and downs. It's okay to feel whatever you feel...

I don't know if this applies, but one of the hardest parts in recovery from abuse for me can be the feelings that crop up when people disagree - I used to struggle with deep emotional pain because I believed if someone disagreed that meant that they rejected me and not what I thought about something. I had a hard time separating those because of delicate self esteem after having been put down for so long (not just in the areas of church life).

I can't find any poo you stepped in... check you shoe, maybe it was only bubble gum you can scrape off. ;)

Remember how excited and happy people were when you were able to come back. :D

Love
Anna Marta

[hornblower]

I care very deeply about everyone here but often I do feel misunderstood by the whole world unloved by everyone and that includes here also. I think oner of the main things I have learned about being here is that we are not in actuality together and we are writing.........body language and appearances are absent so it makes it different.

Some times that can mean its better sometimes it can mean its worse. Right now I dont feel like I belong here any more. I feel like maybe Im being misunderstood and its the same old same old for me.

The truth is we are miles away from each other and that does play its part in all of this. We are different ages and different sexes and different circumstances. My SA is different I think than most people here. My SA is more because of who I am. That really hurts me thats its specifically because of me being me, my situation not because of a controlling group neccessarily. Its because I dont have these so called boundaries with my situations at home. I talk. Churches dont do that, people dont do that and they dont want to do that I have found. Its like the whole world has become about positive thinking and I HATE positive thinking to its core!
Sorry but thats just my thinking my opinion and thats me. Its going to make me highly unpopular and so thats my own choice that I am making to not fit in.

I believe in people being free to talk about their painful stuff always and if thats not ok then Im out of there you know?
Im searching for compassion and that makes people think of me as a self absorbed silly old lady that loves to wallow in self pity.
Too bad.........
Im wallowing through this life with this sick daughter that wqill not get well and its eating me up and I cant get obver it no matter what anyone says or does. What I need is somebody that can listen then hold me and let me cry but it never happens that way at all.
People love to tell me what to do to get better and be like them.
Im not them and I dont want to be them I want my daughter to be well thats what I want.

When I go to church leelees people want me to smile not that I dont because actually I laugh and smile a lot..........because what else can I do in this bag if crap Im in?

So anyway if Ive done anything and I dont know what has hurt you and I dont know if its me or not but I surely didnt mean to hurt you at all if I could see you Id wrap my arms around you and give you the love I so desperately need and never get because that is what I believe in completely is loving people.
You would think people would want that but they dont not in my experience they dont.
Anyway all of this just to say I hope you have some good thing happen today to help you feel loved.

Leelees that is all we ever need is more love. I didnt get it growing up and I didnt find it in my family as an adult and not now as an elerly person its definitely not happening either.

Some day Ill know the real truth about everything. All I can do is pray and try to be as close to Jesus as I can but Im surely not perfect in any way and Im not going to try as hard as I used too because its not worth it to pretend and try so hard to be somebody else.

My situation hurts me and yours is hurting you Im supposing and what I say to that is its ok to hurt and not be happy living in this fallen world. Love has grown cold thats what I think it is. It wouldnt surprise me if it doesnt get worse too. Thank goodness I dont have much longer to go living here.

I love the children and the animals and people think Im weird here so what let them go and go and go they are just spinning in their tracks. Trying to make more and more money to buy more and more stuff and for what?
Its too bad but Im not going to float in their boats.

I know im probably not helping you but I wish I could. As my Mom used to tell me when we finally began to have some peace with each other......"honey I wish you didnt have to go through this and I could take it from you and put it on myself"..........thats how I feel for you leelees.

[leelees]

hi, sorry everyone...i felt really stressed at the time! you all mean a hell of a lot to me!
its just felt a bit like i didnt exist thats all :confused:

[hornblower]

hi, sorry everyone...i felt really stressed at the time! you all mean a hell of a lot to me!
its just felt a bit like i didnt exist thats all :confused:


In my world leelees you are everything to me.

[Hope 98]

Sorry you were feeling so bad leelees.

I was so unsure what to say, because I have been feeling much the same way!

Today is better, and I thank people who prayed for me. Praying for you too to stay on the upswing!

[leelees]

thankyou all, that means so much to me....i so wish we could all meet one day!