what is gossip?

[hornblower]

I have always felt so guilty about this and I dont really understand what it is? Can you tell me what you think it is?

I think my mother or somebody told me that gossip is lying about someone behind their backs. Making something up to ruin their reputation to others like being a false witness is in the ten comandments. I would NEVEr lie about anybody ever or anything else for that matter but people bug me. They drive me nuts so I talk about it a lot Im sure.

Things that people say to me or do to me get inside my head and drive me crazy so I talk about it. I care too much thats what I think. I care what other people think way too much and i cannot seem to stop it.

So anyway thats one problem but then on top of it its like if I say anything to anyone about anyone else its like they think Im gossiping which then I in turn feel so bad and so low about like big time sinful horrible me Im so lousy me! That makes me even crazier short walk that it is........

So once and for all what the hey is the thing in the first place?:eek:

[Hope 98]

I've wondered about this question myself for a long long time.

The Bible clearly says "do not bear false witness against your neighbor". We abbreviate that commandment to "do not lie".

I honestly don't know how God views gossip. Some people point to verses in the epistles that talk about not wasting our breath on useless words, or unkind things. Haven't we all heard "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all..."

But I wonder if keeping silent when someone sins against another is just as much a "false witness" as making up an untrue story. It allows the guilty to continue to abuse the innocent, and God has some things to say about that too.

Most often I've found that pulpit admonishments about gossip mean that we are to look the other way while the admonisher continues his/her abuse.

I posted recently that I wanted to plaster someone's car with unkind adjectives. The truth is that those adjectives were honest assessments of the driver's treatment of us. Something inside me justified my desire to do such a thing as warning to others. I can't yet say if my thoughts were rational or reasonable. I can only say that I didn't act on my desire because I couldn't find the car in question.

While my plans were probably against some local law, and admitting my desire may get me in trouble if someone else decides to actually follow through, I don't know that it would be outside of God's law.

oh well - maybe I'll figure it out once I'm past the infection and side effects of too many medications.

[Spiny Norman]

"lying about someone behind their backs" would be lying, but might also cross into the area of gossip.

I think gossip is more broad than just lying. Passing on factual information in a way that is not honoring to the other people involved can be gossip too. e.g. "Did you hear that so-and-so did such-and-such the other day" might be factual, but hurtful, not loving.

The scriptures exhort us to "speak the truth in love" and I think that's a pretty good guide.

[Reg]

gossip (gòs´ep) noun
1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.
4. A close friend or companion.
5. Chiefly British. A godparent.

verb, intransitive
gossiped, gossiping, gossips
To engage in or spread gossip.
[Middle English godsib, gossip, godparent, from Old English godsibb : god, god. See GOD + sibb, kinsman.]
- gos´siper noun
- gos´sipry noun
- gos´sipy adjective
Synonyms: gossip, blab, tattle. The central meaning shared by these verbs is "to engage in or communicate idle, indiscreet talk": gossiping about the neighbors' domestic problems; can't be trusted with a secret-he always blabs; is disliked by her classmates for tattling on mischief makers.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Third Edition copyright © 1992 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Electronic version licensed from InfoSoft International, Inc. All rights reserved.

Spiny Norman gave the overall principle. Motivation is the key here. Wisdom is also needed to determine what and what not to say. Do unto others as if they were you.

[hornblower]

Well add another sin to my repertoire. Ill bet I didnt spell that word right either. So what do you do with all of the anger I feel towards people that hurt me?

[ex-shep]

This is a sore spot for me too. There was in one group a double standard. Gossip was used as a no talk rule to avoid spreading information injurious to the group. Any comment of the group was labeled as gossip.

A former elder and a former member of one group exposed the double standard. "We leaders always had inside dope on the rank and file members. I could get high off the thrill of knowing about a follower's misfortunes" The woman was able to demonstrate how no talk rule difused among the rank and file, "Oh, everybody knew about _________"

This may be apocryphal, but it makes sense to me. A member of a church in Texas attributed the origin of of gossip as going to sip at the tavern to hear what news could be found about one.

The ultimate intentions of gossip is to tear a person down. It is subtle.

I had to do some serious bible study to make sure I did not fall prey to it.

[ex-shep]

Well add another sin to my repertoire. Ill bet I didnt spell that word right either. So what do you do with all of the anger I feel towards people that hurt me?


Believe or not in recovery there comes a point where one worked it through, with what ever modality God chooses, and it evolves into a non issue.

In the early years I my recovery I could tear apart the person who introduced me to the shepherding movement. Of she did not know what was fully going nor did I. Today we are once again great friends.

It does pass and it worth the work and the wait.

[hornblower]

I dont feel anything towards my then abusers in that church any more because I simply dont care at all about them. I feel anger towards my sister for what she is doing to me and other people I feel talk against me. No matter how long I live or where I go the list is always endless for me.

Its very difficult for me to understand that before I became a christian I never opened my mouth about anything, sexual abuse, rape, beaing beaten up by my husbands.........I kept quiet about it all. Then I started going to therapy and learned how sick I was and basically it was because I always was keeping quiet.

I look back to all of the SA Ive had done to me and I see one thing in common with all of it..........not saying or doing anything about it. Just letting it happen. The one time It didnt go on was the time I stood up to all of them.............Ive never been so scared in all of my life but it payed off. After all this is America isnt it? Land of the free? Freedom of speech?

Lately Ive been speaking back to the abuse with some good results and then there doesnt seem much need to talk about it.
Its in my home, its inside of me, the abusing just keeps on happening over and over again if I dont say anything and take up for myself Im damned anyway, might as well say something back.

I just wish I could be cool again. Keeping your mouth shut is always super cool you end up looking like a good cowboy like Clint Eastwood name...........he just shoots 'em!
We have some new friends and her husband loves to pick on me. Hes the typical red neck a** h***. Im really tired of it all.
See now Im gossiping again.
Things just eat me up.
Ive been through too much and right now I wish it was all over and done with Im so tired.

[Hope 98]

If gossip is telling a truth about an abuser who needs to be stopped, I think it is necessary to gossip.

There are things that are wrong whether they're against our human laws or not, and testifying in court isn't going to work.

Martin Luther gossiped about the sins of the Roman Catholic church, but it was the right thing to do at the time. It cost a lot, and much of what he started went very badly, but exposing the hypocrisy was necessary.

If gossip involves lying or exaggerating or malice, it's wrong.

The good news is that God forgives our sins. If we are doing something wrong because we've wandered into a gray area trying to do something right, I believe God knows where our hearts really are.

[Gayle]

For myself, gossip means flapping of the mouth - if I would go up to someone and say,,,, Guess what I heard today?!?!?! and give truths or untruths about others that would likely be personal issues and none of my damn business, just for the sake of saying them.

I've been a part of :o and have heard Christians say things like - did you know so and so doesn't believe in God????? They act all shocked and go on determining what will happen to this person if they don't repent and become saved. One feeds off the other and the gossip grows....judgments...shunning
...and somehow this suddenly determines how this person has lived his past and present life and for his future. "That must be the reason that person hangs out with so and so..." and "Do you know if that friend of his is like that???" The person is then treated differently because of that one tidbit of information. It wasn't anything that person did. Just what some "well meaning" Christians decided was just too good not to share. It makes me sick thinking about it. I don't think this gossip would have gained any points in the way of becoming a Christian. Probably the opposite. MHO Gayle

[hornblower]

All I know is that I do often..........and I wish I didnt do this but I do.....talk to my friends, if they really are and at times I cant tell..........about what my sister has done to me and how much it is hurting me or my daughters illness and how it hurts me awnd how I worry about her or what someone like the stevens minister said to me because I dont know what to do next. My therapist says I have to do this because Im one of those personality types that needs to talk things out to understand them and process them.

But like everything else I worry that I do it too much and that lately I feel very bad about myself and am staying alone more and more.
We have met some new friends and I dont like the husband at all. He makes fun of me and rolls his eyes.

Im trying t6o be sociable again and its so hard. It used to be nothing to me when I was in churches but now since the SA its beyond difficult. I feel like I dont fit in anywhere except alone with the Lord and myself. I dont even trust my therapist any more at all. I dont think I ever trusted her.

I would die if I ever hurt anyone or put anybody down. I hate that in a person. I want everyone to be loved and be happy. Even my enemies. I pray for people to not ever have the things that have happened to me to happen to them. I mean it. What possible good will it do for someone else to get hurt as much as I am? If it means someone getting hurt to make them repent I dont want them to be hurt. I dont think God even listens to such things.

Nothing makes me madder then listening to Christians talk about others who dont know the Lord and how sinful they are. I tell them so too believe me. I wont put up with it. I have had a Christian friend tell me about another husband or wife that has left their mate for another person. It wasnt gossip in my book its just very sad disturbing news for me and the friend. I dont know anyone that talks the way you describe Gayle and if I did it would be the last conversation I ever had with them.

I dont associate with people that are snobs or bigoted which there is a lot of that down here maybe everywhere.
However I wish in a lot of ways I could be as good as my parents were. They never said anything about anyone no matter what that person did to them.........they only said the positive things about everyone all of the time. I wish I could be that good but Im not Im so angry about my daughter and church and my family, whats left of it, treating us this way.

I stay alone so much that when I get with somebody now I just go off and its embarassing for me.

In short I hate myself.

[Reg]

Winston Churchill said, "Loose lips sink ships".

[Jerry]

Gossip is social posturing,,,a way to be better than I am :rolleyes:

[Jezreel]

What I have done and I even brought up and taught my children to practice this, that, when anybody comes to them with a story and a problem about somebody else, I politely say, "What you need to do is go to them and speak to them about the problem that you have with them. If you cannot say it to their face, then, do not say anything at all". After you tell them that, they will NEVER come to you again with gossip! My grown daughters are the same way and they speak their minds and tell things to the person's face. I taught them that as long as it is the truth spoken in a spirit of love. We are not to use our liberty as a cloak of maliciousness. My mother in law was a horrible gossip and caused lots of grief and ended up being a very lonely person to the end of her death. My mom who has NPD, is critical of everybody and never sees the beauty in another. I was mentioning how pretty and gorgeous my Christian friend that I grew up with, her daughter just grew up beautiful and I mentioned that and my mom said, "she is not that great". (Jealousy) When other people have nice things happen to them, rejoice with them , do not be jealous because when we rejoice with them instead of being jealous and critical, God will be very pleased with you and he will bless you.

[hornblower]

I wish I had never started this post.

[Anna Marta]

You make me laugh!

You aren't the only one to start a thread that you regret!!! :cool:

[Spiny Norman]

I actually thought it was a great thread. It was good to see people's thoughts on the subject.