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Reg
05-27-2008, 07:33 AM
I just finished reading this book at the cottage. What an eye-opener.

The Myth of Sanity: Divided Consciousness and the Promise of Awareness
http://www.amazon.com/Myth-Sanity-Divided-Consciousness-Awareness/dp/0142000558/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211893913&sr=1-1

The author, Martha Stout has written an classic award winner. She explains what Trauma does to the human mind and how those who experience it split off parts of their minds to cope with it. Nearly everyone is affected in one way or another. Dissociation is one of the affects it has on me. When triggered, I float and become emotionally detached. The deeper levels involve DID and MPD.

Here are some quotes that spoke to me....

For the traumatized child, a dissociative state, far from being dysfunctional or crazy, may in fact be lifesaving. And thanks be to the normal human mind that it provides the means.

"This coping strategy becomes dysfunctional only later, after the child is grown and away from the original trauma. When the original trauma is no longer an ongoing fact of life, prolonged dissociative reactions are no longer necessary. But through the years of intensive use, the self-protective strategy has developed a hair trigger. The adult whom the child has become now experiences dissociative reactions to levels of stress that probably would not cause another person to dissociate......".

"I don't understand any of it, but the thing I understand the least is that apparently I go about my business during these times, and nobody notices any difference in me. ......."

"One temporarily has the sense of looking at the world through the wrong end of a telescope...."

"Seth's description of his inner life makes it wrenchingly clear that the traumatized person is unable to feel completely connected to another person, even a friend, even a spouse. Just as limiting, perhaps even more limiting, is such a person's disconnection from his or her body...."

"Writing about the distribution and determinants of post traumatic reactions in human populations, McFarlane and de Girolamo state that, more than just frightening or painful, traumatic situations are "events that violate" our existing ways of making sense of our reactions, structuring our perceptions of other people's behaviour, and creating a framework for interacting with the world at large......"

"By definition, a traumatic event, whether it be objectively tragic or not, opens the mind of a corridor to the apprehension of our essential helplessness and the possibility of death. A traumatic stressor is overwhelming not because it is colossal - for it may not be so to observers - but because it has a certain meaning for the individual...."

"What is traumatic for one may not be for another. Traumatic events, nightmares and intrusive memories come for perhaps years. For an onlooker, two more or less identical scenes. For the participant, two very different meanings. Meaning is the important thing. It determines the corridor to helplessness and death will open up, or remain shut and disregarded by us, as that channel usually does....."

"To make matters even more excruciating for the young, the immature cognitive capacities of early childhood (and many of victims of SA) make it difficult, often impossible, to create an articulate narrative from a threatening event, after the fact..."

"But the two most compelling facts we know about this issue, forming a mandate that simply will not go away, are first, that in report after report, the "dissociative disorders" are correlated with childhood trauma, and second, that the treatment of traumatic memories is crucial to the recovery of persons with debilitating dissociative reactions......"

"Emotional agony is like physical pain, in that it is a danger signal, forcing us to notice something is wrong, and to respond....."

"For some people, a single visual image or a powerful phrase or a word may be enough of a keyhole into the past to initiate the conscious relabeling and detoxification of a long succession of related traumatic events, not all of which are remembered specifically...."

"Another trigger that may be recognizable to some is performance anxiety, which is sometimes what we feel when we must accomplish a task of personal significance before an audience of one or more people...."

"She has a sense of being out of body, an impression that she is floating a little above herself, and that her body is acting on its own..... and no one notices anything unusual about her mental status.."

"I was forced to understand how fear affects the mind - and how easily some people can use hardship and fear to paralyze and control their fellow human beings...."

'She feels like a spectator, rather than a participant..."

"Dissociation can be compared to a drug (another human tool that can help or harm). The ability to dissociate is like having an unlimited supply of a medium-to-good narcotic that never habituates. And by the time we are adults, this mental analgesia is so trigger-happy that trauma or overwhelming fear or pain is no longer required to infuse it; because circumstances are frequently anxiety-provoking or difficult or confusing or just uncertain, we take small potentiated escapes from our present moments...."

"A survivor of trauma is a victim certainly; but "victim" does not comprise the totality of a person's identity. Helpers must support the healing process in both of it's phases: the survivor must endure the discovery that they were a victim and they must take responsibility for being no longer..."

"In many ways, close study of dissociative behaviour supports an old truth, that, we cannot simultaneously protect ourselves and experience life fully....."

"The truth is that for any human being to change significantly is a massive undertaking....."

ex-shep
05-27-2008, 09:11 AM
Good review. I can relate to family of origin abuse which can cloud one's present. Thanks for the share.

Willow
05-27-2008, 12:17 PM
Thanks Reg... I might have to read this book.

Reg
05-29-2008, 06:33 AM
Thanks Reg... I might have to read this book.
Good idea Amy. It sure helped me see things in a clearer light.

Hope 98
05-29-2008, 08:44 AM
I would very much like to read this book when things in my life slow down a bit. The title alone caught my attention because I've been mulling over the idea that "sanity" is a myth for a pretty long time.

It's not so much a question of whether or not anyone is really sane, but that once a person has experienced enough trauma, they are simply not going to ever be "normal" in a way that other people want them to be, or like any other person who has never experienced trauma.

I am also beginning to suspect that most people have not nearly as normal or sane as they would like to believe, or more important, as they would like YOU to believe.

yeah - sounds like a plan...

Reg
04-20-2010, 05:13 AM
Bringing this up again for review for the newer members.

Honeybee12
04-20-2010, 01:34 PM
Thanks for this!

I've often felt guilty or bad that sometimes I just can't break through the fog.. but then I have to remember all that I've gone through.

Alcoholic parents, adultery in the family, many years of really bad decisions with dating.. losing both of my parents within a year.. losing a boyfriend to an overdose two days after my father died, spiritual abuse, verbal abuse from some friends, my only sibling marrying someone from the other side of the country.

And I beat myself up for sometimes not being able to handle things. I definitely dissociate. In abusive relationships I've often found myself daydreaming all the time, fantasizing about living the perfect life and being far away from everything and everyone. I'm not sure if this is technically dissociating.. but it definitely resounded.

Yet here I am, in a management position for four years, in the same church for three, in the same home for four years, living on my own with a fresh cat, paying bills on time, taking care of myself and still going to church.

I'd say God has done some major repair in this broken little life.

I was staring at the evening sky the other night.. the moon was so bright and I could see so many stars. I said to God 'I don't know how you could make something so big like the galaxy and all these millions of stars and still love me, a tiny little speck.. I don't understand it' then I asked Him to show me that love.

I hope I'm not getting off subject. Suppose I just needed to write!

Reg
04-22-2010, 05:46 AM
Thanks for this!
snip

Alcoholic parents, adultery in the family, many years of really bad decisions with dating.. losing both of my parents within a year.. losing a boyfriend to an overdose two days after my father died, spiritual abuse, verbal abuse from some friends, my only sibling marrying someone from the other side of the country.
snip

I hope I'm not getting off subject. Suppose I just needed to write!
Honeybee12,

Not to worry. We all need to write here and tell our stories.

Patricia Evans has written some great books. One on Verbal Abuse, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship," and another excellent one that helped me a lot dealing with a person who was very controlling, "Controlling People".
http://www.verbalabuse.com/

As far as dissociating goes, we have talked about that a lot here. It is akin to PTSD. The trauma we experience causes us to dissociate.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Spiritual Abuse
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=2540&highlight=dissociation

What is a Betrayal Trauma?
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=8118&highlight=dissociation

Floating and Flashbacks
http://www.christianrecovery.com/vb/showthread.php?t=5651&highlight=floating

Reg
04-22-2010, 05:54 AM
Honeybee12,

Here's a page from my journal that explains how dissociation has affected me.

February 1, 2003 - DETACHING (Floating)

In my previous church I learned to suppress my anger as to not get into further trouble. It’s called
stuffing. This is very unhealthy. I developed an escapist mentality as soon as I identified with one of
those situations as being simply frustrating and a useless exercise on my part to stay engaged. I
would leave the situation emotionally. It’s called detaching. I developed this method of dealing
with all the abusive situations I encountered over the years. That way, I protected myself from being
hurt. The only problem with that is I became an emotional zombie in many situations I found too
difficult to handle by detaching instead of staying engaged and finding some sort of resolution.

After the years, this became an automatic response to overwhelming difficult situations. It usually
happens in a group situation when I feel that I am not being heard or understood. Triggers go off at
the inability to clarify what I really mean. It’s at times like that I detach and let things happen. I can
just sit back and listen. It’s like I may appear to be there but I have really disengaged and am
someplace else emotionally. It’s like having an emotional hangover. My body and emotions are
disconnected. I just want to be alone and run and hide.

It’s amazing how others seem to not even notice how you feel and you can sort of fake the fact
you’re not really actively involved in what’s happening but just sort of going along with things. And
all along, you’d rather be someplace else. It’s something like floating.

That’s what has happened to me with Sue. She would trigger me often in our group meetings. I
didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t even understand what detachment was all about until I
read about it in Cloud/Townsend books. I think, “Hiding From Love” was the book that helped me
make a breakthrough in this area.

What I am learning and the point of this is not to disengage when I sense a trigger going off. I want
to detach but now that I understand what’s happening, stay engaged. It was very difficult for me to
start to do that, but the more I fight the urge to detach, the better it’s getting.

Lately, that’s been why I’ve been having so much difficulty with a couple of people at church. I
now stay engaged, yet feel all the old bad feelings coming back I fear that the same thing will
happen to me like before when I was called on the carpet for speaking up when I felt things were
not right. I learned not to disagree with the ministers but placate them. How often have I heard of
someone being in a Bad Attitude and disfellowshipped until they repent. Which really means,
“Until they no longer disagree with me”. So, I developed an automatic defense system from that
ever occurring again. I just wouldn’t tell them how I really felt. Well, now I do and that has caused
me a lot of anxiety. Yet, I’m learning that I can do that at BBC without being disfellowshipped.

I phoned Sue and am seeing her next Wednesday. She sounds thankful to be able to talk to me and
clear the air to get our relationship on a better footing than it is. I found out she did read the book
“Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” and read a lot of the info off of Wellspring’s website. That
encourages me a lot that she is trying to understand my situation. I think I may have read her a bit
wrong. [No I haven't. She was only pretending.] There are factors such as personality differences
that may exacerbate my abusive feelings. So, I am looking forward to having a good talk with her
Wednesday.

justasiam
04-22-2010, 07:08 AM
I am so blown away about what is shared on this thread...can identify with so much:eek: articulated so well..it is so hard for me to put into words all that goes on...thanks

riverdove
04-22-2010, 08:41 AM
"To make matters even more excruciating for the young, the immature cognitive capacities of early childhood (and many of victims of SA) make it difficult, often impossible, to create an articulate narrative from a threatening event, after the fact...

For some people, a single visual image or a powerful phrase or a word may be enough of a keyhole into the past to initiate the conscious relabeling and detoxification of a long succession of related traumatic events, not all of which are remembered specifically.... "Wow, these are powerful statements. I definitely can identify these stages in myself as an abused child and as a victim of SA. What encourages me is that this forum allows a place for others alike to come together to talk and to discuss what happened to us. The inability to discuss does put one into a dissasociative mode. I wish more spiritual leaders who are there to help and guide others will acquire this kind of knowledge so they can be more helpful toward those who have suffered all kinds of abuses in their lives. Indeed, those who haven't suffered will never be able to understand the suffering of others, let alone help them toward recovery. Christ came and suffered so He could understand each and every of our suffering. It makes a lot of sense to me. Thanks for the article. It has helped me greatly today.