ex shep?

[Willow]

Are you OK? You went silent. You are going through a lot with your friend and trying to reunite. What is happening with that? Let us know, OK? *HUGS*

[ex-shep]

Actually I was over on the Christian recovery forums with a crisis at work with a co-worker. I turn that issue to an EAP rep for follow up. You read up if you want.

Fortunately a new upstairs breakroom was opened up. I also sit a gal in who is AA. So I can get current with her.

I did on a lark visit a branch of Tammy's church north of Dallas. Lest anyone think that Shep had lost his marbles, I went simply because I wanted to. I could have checked some books out the library, I could have stopped at the video store, or my wife and I could have gone bowling. We decided to check out a Saturday evening service. [Although my wife looked at me with a thumbs up, "Ok, Tammy this evening is for you" as the lights went down the jazz band in true Willow Creek style started their weekly jam session. From one who announced jazz in college [and still preach in front of the courthouse], they were hot.]


I must say that I was blown away with some of the things that were said in service, It was a 180 degree turn from the militant life styles of the 80's. I was invited to look around. A greeter came up introduced herself sensed that I was nervous and showed me to a pew near the exit if I would like to leave. I could get her if I had questions or my wife and I could look around. I walked to the library a saw bible version that the and commentaries that the 1980's leadership would have been anathema. The fact were a variety of hymmals, commentaries, and bible versions was a far cry from soley using the group literature and soley one version.

The fact there were support groups for issues which 20 years ago would have been grounds for ex-communication (divorce and sex and love addiction) was another mind blower.

Another about face that my wife picked up was the pastor saying, "It is important you get into a church any church. Of course we would love to have you here, but the fact that you are in a church with relationship with God is what counts" Contrast that to sheep stealing in the Eighties and an elitist attitude that we have the truth and the other churches are not spiritual.

Another testimony which gave me pause were two women who told of their experiences. One told about her divorce and how the divorce ministry helped her; the other told how the Lord worked in her life as opposed to the church.

I still heard old buzz words like submission and took copious notes. I hope the small groups are supportive communities and not the cult of confession they were in the past. I did wonder about the repetitive praise music and multimedia system in the sanctuary. It did strike me as being a sensory overload. The concluding prayer did have a dash of mystical manipulation. I did hear the sustained crisis message of that god would allow suffering before blessings. The pastor mentioned the importance of praise breaks. It sounded too much latter rain teaching for my taste. I am not sure where that concept came from as the founding movement was virulently anti-charismatic. [How Tammy, being the charismatic believer she is, never clashed with the elders is still a mystery to me. Of course that and $3.50 will buy a venti non-fat one sugar latte-- but I digress].

I did find some scripture references and bullet points I could incorporate in my recovery so I took what I liked and left the rest.

I have heard church in the group that still adhere to the shepherding mindset. I have heard some internet sermon from one college fellowship which had me dive for cover. My hope is that the church I visited is the norm and not the exception.

I gave the evening a B-.

*********
Of course, one original question, what about Tammy? I did send a brief email saying that I did visit her church in Dallas. I pointed out I was impressed it would be OK if I could share a little of what I thought. I did point it would be too impratical to be more involved given the distance and my work commitments. I also mentioned I found a church home months before the email went out.

I still feel a hope that things will work out in God's sweet time. I feel connected to her a friend for the first time in 20 years. Even we do not meet I can take some of her qualities, sayings. and responses to life's challenges and incorporate them into my life.

[Willow]

Thanks for the update. Sounds positive. Maybe the church your friend is in isn't bad for her afterall. I am familiar with the protocol you are talking about. I came out of something similar. It still has problems... but some people never feel the sting. Did your friend write back to you?

[ex-shep]

Tammy has not emailed back. I wish she had. But that is fine for now. I did like the comment that some feel the sting and others do not. I will file the thought away for now, but it is a thought I may share with her someday.

I think you may be on to something that it was meant for Tammy to be in the church. Paul Martin in an article in the Athens (OH) had mentioned having reservations about exit counseling causing an abrupt and disabling paradigm shift. I am going to respect her privacy by not expounding why it would been a bad idea. I will say this. It would have been wrong for her and the devastation would have been far worse for all of us involved at the time. I owe her an amends there.

I have some other thoughts, but my typing is keeping up the Mrs. Will have to pick it later