re church discipline

[Turtle]

I started another thread, as I was getting lost in a previous one,with the many posts.

Our former church started with clear goals and mission, but became cultic and abusive with new people that came in and took over. This was done slowly so that many people didn't realize what was happening.

We needed to EXIT clearly and disassociate ourselves from them. No process outlined biblically excuses what these people did, or would have made our exit less painful, or the transition to another place more smooth.
Church discipline was used to intimidate, control, and SHAME people into submission to the dogma of a few abusive narcissists.

e.g. of church discipline: a young un-married couple confessed to heavy sexual "petting". They were made to stand in front of their peer group and confess, and then the young man stand in front of the whole membership and resign his position on a committee. This darling couple is our kids.

We protested kindly but FIRMLY about how wrong this was. The kids were then told to remove themselves from our family, and the other parents too, since they were non-Christian. Thank God, they didn't take that advice, and started their own journey towards healing.

Meanwhile during the saga of this horrid time, we were invited to dialogue and "process". We appeared before the board once. What a disaster. It was a trap to misuse , and misquote anything we said. That started another flurry of rumours, phonecalls and harassment of our family.

So you see, for us process and church discipline were a sham. Few people had the courage to say so, for fear of the same process happening to them; so we stood alone.
I must say though, that I have heard of a few cases elsewhere, where people were nurtered back to spiritual health.
I think the less rules and regulations that are made, the better. I would hope that compassionate believers follow the biblical guide when each life's incidents arise.

[Lamisa]

This post is a tough one for me. I think sometimes in our desire to help people, we may actually set them back. :( This was very triggering to me, as I thought back to some of the "discipline" I have watched over the years at my church.

At the same time, I think there are those able to handle this topic.

The most important thing I take away from this discussion, is that we all have the power of choice. When we were abused, our abusers took that from us. We have a choice to join a discussion or leave it alone at anytime.

To me, discipline is an overused word like anointing, covering and the rest of the words that SA preachers use.

CD, I found your site informative, but for some of us, the sad reality is that those steps just aren't a reality when exiting a church because of the type of abusers.

I agree a lot with what you are saying here BHS. And everyone else. I feel like CD Host really has a heart to be supportive and to help people work through these things in a healthy way. But the reality of it is this, if you have not been in a church that is basically a cult, spiritually abusive, authortitative and controlling, it is next to impossible to understand the dynamics and the trauma that has occured for those coming out of those situations.

The reality is that the "church discipline" information may have been beneifical to me in the past, but in my abusive church it would not have helped me and if anything entering any type of process they would have allowed would have brought on further abuse and true mind conrtol, and now that I have had an experience like that, though I am a strong believer in Christ (through His grace) I will NEVER EVER be in a church that uses Church discipline EVER EVER period.

Sadly I will probably never be in any type of position of leadership officially anyway b/c I have no desire to allow pastors to run my life.

AND CD Host, I did NOT do ministry FULL TIME in exchange for room and board. Let me tell you: I WORKED in a hospital full time and PAID rent to live in a ministry house where I was a leader and was expected to ALSO do ministry FULL TIME in the house in the early morning before I started work (prior to 7 am) and in the evenings after work until 10 or 11 at night, or later. On the weekends I was also expected to be where the leaders wanted me.

So, yes I was in a "semi" position of leadership... But they abused my service to the church.

And my husband who was my fiancee when we left, He worked for the church full time for a year as a minister and was pressured by the church to move out of his family home into a church run house. He was not allowed to hold an outside job as the pastor felt that it wasn't "what the Lord had for Him in that season" and in 12 months of full time work for the church, they provided him a whoppiong $200!!!!!!

So. The church was using mind control and abusing people's trust and faith in God for their own purposes. I was there for TWO years and gave everything of myself. And I mean I gave from the very deepest part of my soul. I was so vulnerable with them emotionally and spiritually that I realize now it was just wrong.

So, as far as explanations go for them, I wish I could have had the opportunity to leave on better terms.

But I don't owe them ANYTHING! :mad:

[Lamisa]

CD Host,

I guess to me the point is this: If I was in a church healthy and supportive enough to provide a transfer process, then I wouldn't probably need to be transferring. :(

So, I guess that's what it comes down to for me.

And it may be difficult for you b/c people are getting so angry about this subject, but, I don't know about anybody else, but for me, sometimes getting really mad about it is the best thing I can do to start to get a better grasp on the reality of things, and the reality that things ARE better than when I first left and will continue to get better.
:rolleyes: