A tantrum

[Willow]

Hey all... I found another hidden Spiritual Abuse forum. It's on www.christiansurvivors.com. In one way you would think it would be safer than here. I've been a member there since March 2003, but not always active. The way they keep things safe is that if you don't post for a couple of weeks... you go back to new membership status and you have to build up your reputation again. It's really kicking in my Spiritual Abuse issues. I want in bad... but you have to jump hoops by posting 50 MORE posts and proving you are OK all over again. I can't handle it. I'm really triggered there... but the safety is appealing. Isn't there a safety mechanism that isn't so harsh, but still protects from people changing nicks constantly? I'm so frustrated. Something inside of me doesnt' like being locked out and untrusted. I want to throw a raging tantrum there, but that would just lock me out again. It's really incredibly frustrating and I find myself forced to climb a heirarchy just like I did at church. I want in... but then again... I don't want to pay the price of constantly having to post and keep my membership current in order to have a "key". It's not like you can't get in there... but you can only have limited access and are encouraged to chitchat and build trust. I guess I see where they are coming from... but I can't do it... I can't make it in. They won't trust me. I am allowed to do work for them if I want... but not to view members or join private forums. I'm having a fit over this... and I'm not sure why. They are trying to protect the forum and I am the outsider... it's killing me. I think I like the way we do things here... thanks for the freedom.

[Voyager]

Isn't there a safety mechanism that isn't so harsh, but still protects from people changing nicks constantly?
The only way to make this place safe from people using multiple nicks would be if the Admin were to check his IP logs to see if people are posting under multiple nicks from the same IP. It's a real simple process. Then you give the person one warning, and if they continue, you ban the IP address with the Admin software. I run several forums myself, so I know how it works. I've often thought of starting my own forum for spiritual abuse victims on my domain churchabuse.com, but whenever I've brought it up here I've been accused of trying to prostelyte. But I haven't given up on the idea.

I really don't want to start another forum, because I like it here. It would be nice, however, if the Admin would just do a little IP log checking here, and that would cure the whole problem. There's no reason to move to another home if you have termites - you just get rid of them! (Not the the person is a termite, but what they are doing is about as annoying as getting infested with them). If you don't get rid of them, they will eventually ruin the house.

:cool:

[Willow]

The "no speak" rule applies there too. I voiced concerns and they were moved to a hidden forum. I posted a link to my blog and they removed it. Too many rules there. Makes me soooooo angry!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to self injure because of this experience... I hate that site!

By the way... I like your idea Voyager. Simple IP check.

[Boo]

(((Willow))) Don't injure yourself. Please.

[Willow]

I'm in control Boo... thanks sis. I just want to take my name off of that other site and they won't/can't even take my membership away :(

[Savedbygrace]

I want to self injure because of this experience... I hate that site!


Willow,

How frustrating :mad: It is such a fine line between recovery and abuse. It seems a bit like in attempting to make the forum safe, it has gone too far the other way, and is now not very helpful, but rather harmful. I pray for you that you do not allow the "rules" of that site to cause you to self injure. Instead, keep posting here and rid yourself of the anger. What else can you do with the frustration to rid yourself of it in a healthy, non-harmful way? Keep on sharing...

you are loved.

Trish

[Savedbygrace]

I'm in control Boo... thanks sis. I just want to take my name off of that other site and they won't/can't even take my membership away :(


Willow,

Glad to see this post! You must of posted it at the same time I was posting to you...

Trish

[Willow]

Thanks Trish... I feel much safer here. ((HUGS))

[Boo]

I'm in control Boo... thanks sis. I just want to take my name off of that other site and they won't/can't even take my membership away :(
Thanks for letting me know you're okay. (((Willow)))

[Doug64]

It doesn't sound like a very friendly place. I wouldn't be interested in joining under those circumstances. Our bank locks you out of their web site if you don't check in at least once a month. I don't need to check anything that often, but it isn't worth the hassle to keep calling and getting my login reset. I'll just call the bank for the info I need. Rediculous. But all in the name of security I guess. Then there's homeland security..... :confused:


Doug

[Willow]

LOL Doug... at least your bank lets you still have control of your own money!! Of course that is debatable too!

[Reg]

but you have to jump hoops by posting 50 MORE posts and proving you are OK all over again.
Hi Amy,

I checked it out. Seems to be a lot of people their and it is very well supervised. I'm sure it meets the needs of those there. As far as posting that many times, I checked out those who were there and how many times they post. One gal listed 4,832 posts since she has been a member Aug 94. Now I did a little calculating. That's approx 5 months worth or 966 posts a month. Which is 32 posts a day. WOW!

I would not be able to get off the computer to eat or sleep let alone work and of course - PLAY GOLF! :D

So, I'm not sure how they do it. Most comments are very brief. Like Hello glad to have you here or Welcome. Not a lot of indepth ones I read. I guess some of the other threads get into that. I'm more detailed and like to put some thought and have some depth in my posts.

[Willow]

Thanks for checking it out Reg. *HUGS*
I'm better off staying here.

[Dolphin]

Willow, that other site you mentioned is too hard to keep up with for me too. A long time ago I realized that it was just too much for me.

[Dolphin]

Reg, that is somewhat frustrating, I mean the lack of depth in posts by being forced to post so often, and it hurts the members too. When you post something like a wound, it hurts more to get many responses back like "I'm sorry. You will find your way." or "keep sharing" and there is no heartfelt response, no real motivation, advice or wisdom given. It does no good really

[Willow]

I considered posting posts with numeric content just to get my quota up... until I read where I had to post for 6 consecutive weeks to get into the spiritual abuse forum. I thought to myself... hmmmm... nope, can't do that and even moreso can't keep the kind of consistency required to stay a full member. Here you can come and go as you please... are allowed to write nearly anything you are thinking... and there are no hidden forums you have to earn your way into. I like this much much better. All of the above was really triggering my spiritual abuse issues.

Reg is right though.... it's a good forum for lots of people there. I just needed to talk about how I felt because they removed my post over there and I felt like I had no voice. Thanks so much ya'll for listening and hearing.

[Willow]

Hey there Dolphin... Just wanted to thank you for understanding. It helps to know someone else had problems with the structure over there and I'm just not a teeny weeny whiney baby. *HUGS*

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

Willow, have you tried About.com or Beliefnet.com? About has forums for everything under the sun and I can imagine it would have some sort of spirituality section with an abuse category...and while Beliefnet can be triggering on some boards, I work pretty closely with that site on a regular basis and I know that there are some boards that are strictly for support-no debate allowed. They might not have a spiritual abuse forum set aside per se but there are people there who have experienced this, and it can also be a way to find out what different denominations believe before you actually go into the churches and get involved. I know that this was a sticking point for me. My user name over there is the same as it is here.

[Beautiful_Dreamer]

Oh, and About also has extensive resources and forums about depression, Bipolar, post traumatic stress, anxiety, etc...and I know from experience that, at least in the BP section, there is often talk about spirituality or abuse because that is something many of us have gotten because of our illness. Also, many people are triggered by some forms of religion for this reason. I can imagine that the PTSD and anxiety forums are the same.

[Willow]

Thanks BD. I've always been amazed at the extensive resources on topics that about.com provides. Seems like everything I do a search on brings up a page from them. I've also visited beliefnet. I never stuck either place. I should take time to figure it out. Most of the time it's enough for me to post here. There's just sometimes I wander outward to see who else is there... especially regarding other types of abuse.