Voyager
01-06-2005, 03:18 PM
As much as I dislike the practice, I can see why someone might use multiple screen names on this forum. They may have been raised by parents who shamed them with religion, and/or didn't accept them for who they were. They may have been taught to be ashamed of their human identity, and had to learn to be someone or something else to find acceptance. This could also happen in a one-on-one relationship with a spiritual abuser. When shame and humiliation is used on a person who is vulnerable, it can cause them to hate themselves. They are trained to be ashamed of their own identity, which makes finding a different identity (or screen name) the only escape route.
This is called performance-based acceptance. It teaches us to dislike who we are. It makes us feel dirty inside, and worthless. It teaches us to run from controversy or arguments. Deep within us we want to stand up and fight, but since we were taught to question our right to stand up for ourself, we run and hide.
The root of the problem is shame. The result is that we don't feel that we have the right to stand up for ourself. Once we feel that someone has "found us out" and they expose how "rotten" we really are, a new screen name can look awful tempting. But that's not the way out. The way out is to start standing up for yourself.
The one thing I cannot stand about my mom is that she will not stand up for herself. She must have been shamed as a child, and passed that shame onto me. I have to fight the desire to cower and run from controversy. It does not come natural for me to stand up for myself. It's something I have to choose on a case-by-case basis. I don't always do it - but I have been getting a lot better at it since I have learned what I am dealing with.
:cool:
This is called performance-based acceptance. It teaches us to dislike who we are. It makes us feel dirty inside, and worthless. It teaches us to run from controversy or arguments. Deep within us we want to stand up and fight, but since we were taught to question our right to stand up for ourself, we run and hide.
The root of the problem is shame. The result is that we don't feel that we have the right to stand up for ourself. Once we feel that someone has "found us out" and they expose how "rotten" we really are, a new screen name can look awful tempting. But that's not the way out. The way out is to start standing up for yourself.
The one thing I cannot stand about my mom is that she will not stand up for herself. She must have been shamed as a child, and passed that shame onto me. I have to fight the desire to cower and run from controversy. It does not come natural for me to stand up for myself. It's something I have to choose on a case-by-case basis. I don't always do it - but I have been getting a lot better at it since I have learned what I am dealing with.
:cool: