Received call from elder

[ex-shep]

My wife and I went back to the church we were attending when first moved back up to Ohio. I walked out of a Mens Bible Study feeling particularly uplifted by the recovery and how we were contending with our struggles over the winter holiday.

I walked out the door checking my cel phone. There was a message from one of the former elders saying that we were expected at Small Group this Friday. They chew my wife and I out, tell there is nothing they could do for us, and then have the effrontery that we expected at their small group. I did call somebody in the forum and checked in. Just another day in recovery land.

[PatriciaM]

Unbelievable, ex-shep. I'd laugh about it if it weren't so pitiful.

[ex-shep]

Unbelievable, ex-shep. I'd laugh about it if it weren't so pitiful.

Some days it helps to have a sense of humour, but I can relate. :p

[Jerry]

My wife and I went back to the church we were attending when first moved back up to Ohio. I walked out of a Mens Bible Study feeling particularly uplifted by the recovery and how we were contending with our struggles over the winter holiday.

I walked out the door checking my cel phone. There was a message from one of the former elders saying that we were expected at Small Group this Friday. They chew my wife and I out, tell there is nothing they could do for us, and then have the effrontery that we expected at their small group. I did call somebody in the forum and checked in. Just another day in recovery land.

I fail to understand,,,,If someone had the gall to attempt to "Chew Out" my wife,,,,,he would be picking up his teeth with two broken arms :mad: Who do them guys think they are??????

[ex-shep]

I fail to understand,,,,If someone had the gall to attempt to "Chew Out" my wife,,,,,he would be picking up his teeth with two broken arms :mad: Who do them guys think they are??????

Out of touch with reality :p

[Carmen]

Out of touch with reality :p

Sheesh! Seems like they're megalomaniacs or something. What always surprises me, although I should be used to seeing and hearing it by now, is that controllers tend to have a bad habit of thinking that they are right and want to convince everyone else of it too. They even have the audacity to address their victims as if nothing bad ever happened or as if they are some sort of benefactors for even consenting to lead/control their victims. I think that it is wishful thinking on their part that we will forget. Uh, uh. I won't forget.

[ex-shep]

The situation got even nuttier. The chuch my wife and went back to wanted us to make ammends with the previous church. I realize many readers would scream bloody murder at the thought -- and understandably so. The conversation I had with one of the pastor's had merit and I was fine going along with that. My wife and I have had to jump through hoops to try to meet with the elders. It appears the problem goes back to one abusive elder. The chief elder was completely unaware there was a problem. The pastor did describe the offense in satisfactory and plausible detail. I have no problem making amends. He refered us to the chief elder who we are on excellent terms and have a warm relationship. He was completely aware there was even a problem. He referred back to the elder with whom we had issue. Fair enough. When my wife and I called, the elder was extremely defensive. "Not without the pastor" I was waiting to hear and not on the advice of his attorney. I was busy at work. I asked my wife if she could calll. Fine. The pastor was now turning his frustrations on the elder, "Oh, alright, I will call him." An appointment was finally set up for Saturday morning.

There are issues where we need to make amends. We do need to clean out side of the street. I am looking at this situation to see how the dysfunction will play out. Somehow my wife and feel we blew it, but the elder may have gotten his hand stuck in the cookie jar. I will just play my part and see how this all shakes out.

[Willow]

sometimes i wonder if there are amends I should make to my last church. But... I think I did do some of that kind of thing shortly after I left. I think I'm OK. I pray for them and communicate from time to time. But... I know where my boundaries lie and have never actually visited them yet. I don't think I could cope with an actual visit there. Maybe someday... I'm not sure, but I think I cleaned up all the stinky stuff on my side of the fence that I can think of...

ex shep... I do hope you all will have your guard up and only take as much crap as you think you are owed.

Amy

[ex-shep]

sometimes i wonder if there are amends I should make to my last church. But... I think I did do some of that kind of thing shortly after I left. I think I'm OK. I pray for them and communicate from time to time. But... I know where my boundaries lie and have never actually visited them yet. I don't think I could cope with an actual visit there. Maybe someday... I'm not sure, but I think I cleaned up all the stinky stuff on my side of the fence that I can think of...

ex shep... I do hope you all will have your guard up and only take as much crap as you think you are owed.

Amy

Trust me I have. I get the feeling it is only one elder who is out of line as opposed to a whole dysfunctional church. The complaint the church has against us is factual and plausible. We need to clean our side of the street. The issue is the emotional brow beating and the fact that the offense occured January 6th and it was not brought to our attention until the 30th. What this elder has failed to recognize is that church discipline is to restore one to the Lord and needs to be started with a spirit of gentleness. There are several other elders and the pastor could have brought up the issue matter of factly and with support. I think the wrong man was brought in. When his wife has yelled at my wife and a girl in the sanctuary, that is spiritual abuse.