thank you

[noprivacy]

Thank you to those of you who have written about your struggles with emotions, trust, etc. after the abuse you experienced. I dont; know anyone
closely enough to know what it is like for others and everyone around me denies and minimizes the things that happened to me. There are so many difficult emotions to deal with and I look back at people who complained that
everyone who came to serve was really in it for their own agenda. So, there I was, serving with no real agenda but to thank God for what He had done in my life and the people complaining about agendas were the ones to turn on me for all their past hurts. They had information that I didn't have and they used it to so spitefully use and betray me. I'm not struggling with suicide or thoughts of what is wrong with me, though I do want to find a counselor I can trust at some point, but I'm kind of stuck at 'Why?' Why would anyone do what those people did? How could ministers behave in such a reprehensible way? Scripture is so clear about what they have done. Why, when people who know, push buttons and say things to me that are devastating, why do they pretend they don't know how much it hurts? Every move I have made to bring peace or closure has only been toyed with so at this point I'm having a hard time being motivated. It is hard to imagine that even after the abusers get what they want, that they will honor their end of the 'deal'. I feel like I'm being blackmailed and I have no option but to accept. Either way, the worst of them walks. I can dream and imagine a brighter future, but I have no idea how people will treat me if I ever get there. False friends and false affection, I can do without.

[FreeinJesus]

Thank you to those of you who have written about your struggles with emotions, trust, etc. after the abuse you experienced. ..... There are so many difficult emotions to deal with..... They had information that I didn't have and they used it to so spitefully use and betray me. .....How could ministers behave in such a reprehensible way? Scripture is so clear about what they have done. Why, when people who know, push buttons and say things to me that are devastating, why do they pretend they don't know how much it hurts? ... I can dream and imagine a brighter future, but I have no idea how people will treat me if I ever get there. False friends and false affection, I can do without.

(((noprivacy))) I am so sorry for what you feel! :( You sound a lot like my husband who would talk about "phoney "christian" friends...phoney, fake church friends". Yeah, we can relate. With those supposed "friends" you don't need enemies.:(

I'm tired now, but I just wanted you to know that I can understand your pain, & I'm sure others here can too! I ask God the same thing you do, "God, what do you think about all that has happened?" :confused: then I recall where Jesus warned about the "false shepherds" and those who would 'lord it over the flock' & 'have dominion over people's faith'.....then I see "ah-ha!!" OK.....this SUCKS, but I think Jesus is on our side. I don't believe he's on the abusers side, that comforts me I hope it does you too.
Goodnight! Welcome to the forum too!

FreeinJesus

[noprivacy]

It helps a lot to know what God says in Scripture about things done to me. I watched the videos by Jeff Van Vonderen last night and that was helpful too. There are so many people in my life, family, that say such hurtful things, making jokes and ridiculing me and when I have gone to them to tell them how much it hurt, they pretend they can't possibly know why. They know more of the story than I do so I feel like I have nowhere to turn right now. Like I said, the Bible and now reading others stories on this forum has helped a lot. I don't feel nearly as alone as I did.

I know God does not approve of what was done to me, but I don't understand why God has not punished the people involved. I keep telling Him how I would have handled it but then acknowledge I am not God (thankfully) and though I don't understand His ways, they are higher than mine.

Sad, when your family are all Christians and you can't trust what a single one of them says or the motivations of their hearts.

Is it hard for other people to admit and say the words, "I was abused"? I was one of those people that thought that happened to other people.

[hornblower]

Why, when people who know, push buttons and say things to me that are devastating, why do they pretend they don't know how much it hurts? Every move I have made to bring peace or closure has only been toyed with so at this point I'm having a hard time being motivated. It is hard to imagine that even after the abusers get what they want, that they will honor their end of the 'deal'. I feel like I'm being blackmailed and I have no option but to accept. Either way, the worst of them walks. I can dream and imagine a brighter future, but I have no idea how people will treat me if I ever get there. False friends and false affection, I can do without.

Why ..........I have been trying lately not to ask any more. I have always been the huge why person and it simply doesnt work anymore for me........does that make any sense? People are sinners and we my friend are not alone in putting up with them.........Jesus has too also and not only that Jesus puts up with me.........I dont know how He does that believe me.

Last week my so called best friend asked me why my husband has stayed with me so long and said that it was a miracle that he does stay.........I have no idea why she said this except I think she now has dementia.

What bothers me evn more about her is that I didnt take up for myself when she said what she said, instead I agreed with her and the reason for that is because of all of the years of hidden things my husband has done to me that I keep under my hat so it wont hurt him............you know how shameful it is to talk about family members in public right?

Im only saying this in order to give an example of the daily thrusts of spear like arrows that pierce my soul.

My so called friends, of which are very few now after my last church experience, persistently do these types of things to me.

I stick around because something is better than nothing or is it?
Maybe one of the things you and I can do is learn how to confront these people so that they will have to face what they are saying to us and doing to us isnt that what Jesus Himself did?

To tell you some of my story.........my daughter who is now 37 years old......almost........has schizophrenia......this is a chronic desease that is eating my husbands finances and abilites to enjoy much of a life at all as everyday we dont know what she will do next.

I am a big believer in small groups........in churches........I believe my only answer to my problem in dealing with my daughter and her illnesses is prayer and having other christians to agree with me for answers to our daily struggle is what we all should be helping one another do.
As with all mental illnessess now days people often believe that parents are responsible for these illnesses in their children. In my daughters case she was almost murdered in the church we were attending when she was only five years old.........there was no help in those days for such things........so she and I didnt get any counseling or help at all. I sort of helped catch the young man that did this to her and was with her when she was first found..........long story.....anyway I was asked in my small group to tell the story of what had happened to her which I did.
Evidently this was some of the major gossip in that church.......

In speaking to the pastors wife one day on the phone she remarked to me that all kinds of people were sick and tired of hearing about my 'raped' daughter and they had been complaining to the pastor about it.

I said my daughter was not raped and she then began to laugh at me.
It felt like a literal spear ripped open my side and directly hit me in my heart.

One by one my so called friends left me. They turned against me. They wanted me to confront her at a retreat they were going on. This pastors wife was obviously a real abusive person and they all knew it as she was often more than rude to others not just me. When I wouldnt do what they wanted me to do and instead called the pastor and his wife and asked for a meeting to be set up so we could talk about what she had said to me........(which she then denied form the top of her lungs of course saying she could NEVER say such a thing to me)............I lost all of my so called friends..........

My so called friends used to prophesy over me telling me I would teach art and write a book and be world famous...........so then I needed to head everything they were telling me to do.............

Control.
I left.

I should have left much sooner.
I have panic attacks now when I even step into a church setting. Recently I have tried to go to another church bible study and again I was treated the exact same way. Not by everyone but by the leader and several others.

People are either free or they are not. They either follow the rules of behavior that they learned from cultures or in growing up ior they fiollow the bible and are honest and truthful about themselves.

I no longer associate with unfree persons. What would be the point anyway of doing such a thing?

As I am able in a calm and hopefully kind nice way I will tell them what I think of their masks they wear. I will share with them there is a better freer way to be. I cant change them I cant even change me but I am not ever going back to being a mask wearer............for me that isnt real church.

Jesus was who He was and who He is.........it took guts to be that way......I have to learn to not be scared..........the opposite of scared is being sacred........sacred things are holy.........I will take off my sandals and stand on holy ground.........I will be open and honest..........

[Willow]

It sounds like a terribly complicated situation. I think you shouldn't write about large sums of money on the internet though... just concerned...

[noprivacy]

you're right. so how do i edit?

[Willow]

PM Jerry to remove the post. You only have 10 minutes to edit here... I hate that aspect of this forum! :rolleyes::cool:

[noprivacy]

once you are out and away from the abusers, how long does it take to be able to trust again?
i don't remember reading this or not, but is it ok to mention the name of the offending organizations?
i'll look back at the policy but i dont' recall seeing anything about that.

[Willow]

Yah... read the policy. There is something there about not mentioning names.

I don't think there's any time frame really. I'm not a good example. Most of my issues about trust come from wayyyyy back before the spiritual abuse happened. The spiritual abuse just complicated things. A psychiatrist once called what I have complex PTSD because it had several origins.

I think it's best not to set a time limit. Lately, I try to make my inner child feel safe. If she (the little one) can trust me (the adult) maybe that can be a bridge out of myself and into healthy relationships again. Does that sound too weird? I have developed some safe relationships lately that are helping me with this and those are what gave me this idea that I needed to nurture my inner child instead of beating her up. Hokey as it sounds... I think it's working.

[noprivacy]

LIke I said, it was helpful to read that other people have been treated abusively by ministers, that husbands take sides against their wives. Not at all glad that anyone went through that kind of crap, my heart breaks for all of you who have 'endured' but helpful to know I am not alone.

Because this is basically another anonymous forum and anonymous games were what brought so much damage into my life I am going to unsubscribe for awhile.

I do pray that God empowers each of you to continue to seek HIM and Him alone. I have known God to be close to me in prayer times and am delighted at the way He is speaking to me more clearly from HIS word. Only HE can add to your life in ways that prosper your souls and His Kingdom.

Peace

[Willow]

Glad we were able to support you for awhile. Be well...

[FreeinJesus]

hope you will be back soon noprivacy.:)

It helps me too, to read of what others have gone through & that many have come out on the other side healed & well. I hope the best for you.
FIJ